Therapist won’t let me cancel!

[Moocow1995]

Hi all

Bit of a strange one really. I have been going to talking therapy / CBT with a therapist for the last couple of years. It’s expensive- £75 per session.

I have had some very good sessions with her but some others where I have come away feeling that the advice wasn’t totally sound but that’s neither here nor there really. I started therapy due to a particularly difficult break up and having escaped an abusive boyfriend in 2019 and I do feel that I am in the most part ‘recovered’ from the damage caused by that situation and so the therapy is more of a nice to have than a complete essential now.

A couple of months ago, I explained to her that due to changes in my financial situation I would like to cut down to fortnightly sessions. This was met with a lot of disagreement and often half of my 50 minute session would be taken up with her telling me I would really benefit from weekly sessions. This was frustrating as I was paying more than I could afford for appointments in which I was making no progress and coming away feeling stressed. Nonetheless she eventually relented and I dropped down to fortnightly sessions.

She now spends almost my entire session moaning about me having dropped down to fortnightly. I am finding very little value in this now and am also expecting my first baby so have said I will be cancelling completely at the end of May.

She has taken this really badly and I feel like I am spending the whole session defending this decision and my financial situation to her. She has even suggested that I ask my partner or parents to continue paying.

It is probably worth mentioning that I am under no contractual agreement in this situation.

So, would I be unreasonable to just send an email to say ‘I will be ceasing all therapy sessions as of X date’ and refuse to engage any further? Previously she inundated me with calls and messages when I tried this approach when dropping down to fortnightly sessions.

If I ABU to take this approach, how would you get out of it?

It is causing me quite a lot of stress and financial pressure at a time I could do without it.

Thank you for taking the time to read if you got this far.

I had a therapist turn bolshy when I gave her (months of) notice that I’d be stopping after five-plus years of weekly therapy. I had two thoughts: firstly, that maybe she was using me as a case study and hadn’t yet finished her thesis; and secondly, that this particular cash cow had baled on her and she was fretting about how she’d pay for her expensive holiday (when I started with her, she said if I gave her enough notice she’d be able to fill my weekly slot so I wouldn’t have to pay: in all that time she never did, even though I frequently gave her four-plus months notice).
BTW she was BACP registered so I don’t think that’s necessarily a guarantee of acceptable behaviour.

Screw that.
She is bullying, manipulating and abusing her position as a therapist.

Her finances are not the responsibility of her clients.
She is a disgrace and her patients need protecting FROM her.

She needs to be reported asap.

Why wait til May?

fucking hell, you should never go again

i bet time has healed you, not this therapist

I don’t want to be mean, but you need to look at your boundaries. This therapist is treating you appallingly - ripping you off, guilting you etc. She sounds like a manipulator. Do not let her do this anymore.

Id send a message saying that as of today, you are finished with therapy and won’t be coming again or paying for any more sessions.

Is this the "therapist"?

I found that I wasn’t getting what I needed from my therapist and I messaged her with a weeks notice telling her I won’t be going anymore. She said no problem and wished me the best. Yours sounds very unprofessional. I’d message saying you don’t need her services anymore and block.

Apart from the fact that she sounds more interested in the money you're paying her, do you really think she is doing you any good? I obviously don't know the situation that you were in, but I escaped an abusive relationship some years ago and my doctor referred me to a therapist. I had weekly sessions for 6 months after which she told me she didn't think I needed any more but I could call her and make an appointment at any time I needed. I've never looked back as she really gave me what I needed during those 6 months. This woman sounds like she's created a co-dependency situation with you - she's made you feel you need to keep seeing her, but in actual fact she needs you - or your money! - even more. She sounds extremely unprofessional indeed!

I think seeing her has become a habit and you would probably benefit having regular chats with a good friend if you have one that you feel comfortable with. As other people have said definitely report her for her unprofessional conduct.

This really. It sounds like you're not really benefitting from this therapy much anyway, but you don't have to explain yourself to her, just cancel.

This is highly unethical and I would report her if I were you.

Speaking as a Clinical Psychologist, this is extremely unprofessional. You wouldn’t be unreasonable to point that out to her in your email. Whether or not you do that, state in the email, that you want no further contact, so she should not contact you by any means in the future.

I work as a CBT therapist and would not say that to any of my clients. That is a long time to be having CBT to be honest (although I work in the NHS and we offer 12 sessions and 18-20 for trauma). Although I was trained by therapists who have their own practices and I have never heard them keep clients for several years (although they may have some that come and go).

It sounds like you may be being used as regular income. If you feel you are no longer needing therapy and have all the tools you need to continue practicing the skills in everyday life then her job is done.

To be fair it doesn’t sound like you are having CBT anymore in your sessions.

"BTW she was BACP registered so I don’t think that’s necessarily a guarantee of acceptable behaviour."

Sadly I'm sure this is true. As many have said, report her - and hope BACP take effective action to deal with her. If possible, follow up to see how they deal with your complaints. At least they should be able to stop her harassing you.
Absolutely no need to throw any more money away on her. If she's struggling financially maybe it's because she's just not a very good "therapist" - she could consider getting another job!

This, plus she probably loses lots of people because she's not very good!

STOP!!! NO CONTRACT, NO NEED TO GO BACK!

Tell her you are considering reporting her to the governing body of therapists for misconduct. And to the police for blackmail!
Misconduct can get her struck off the register, if she is actually on it. Blackmail carries a prison sentence!!
Then do not respond to her messages but do screenshot them so even if she deletes them you still have proof she sent them - do the screenshot before you speak to her!

This is the take from my friend who is a counsellor: cancel your next appointment in writing, tell her if she continues to contact you, you will consider it harassment. Then block. Report to her professional body. They said this is absolutely unprofessional behaviour. You shouldn’t leave a session feeling worse.

Email and tell her you are reporting her to the professional body, if she is a member.
Her behaviour is totally unacceptable and unprofessional. Do not pay another penny to this woman.

Shockingly unprofessional. You need to cease payment immediately. If she insists she needs to speak to you about ‘closure’ and ‘endings’ tell her she can put her points briefly in an email. Do not pay for this though. You are not obliged to speak to her further and certainly shouldn’t be paying her for the privilege of pushing her services! Do not pay any more money. You are being exploited by her now and you must establish boundaries. Be firm.

Drop her like a stone!

I am a Therapist this is very unprofessional behaviour.I would email as others have suggested to cancel future appointments especially if you have no contract or cancellation agreement. I would ask for an acknowledgment that she has received your email so she can’t deny receiving it and potentially charge you for missed sessions. If she contacts you or continues to behave unprofessional then please do report her.

I am sorry you have had such a horrible experience and not have a positive ending to therapy

End it as you suggest. A therapy session should be about you and your issues.

Just text her Ive decided not to have any more sessions I am ready to go it alone thanks for your help in setting boundaries I’ve learnt a lot. Bye.

This therapist wants you to pay for her new kitchen - dump her.

Therapist sounds like she’s suffering from countertranferance. Totally not your issue. Just cancel.

Therapist here.

Contact her via email and tell her you will not be returning from now, you are continuing your therapy elsewhere and if she questions this then you will be contacting the BACP. However, I am baffled that she is a member and hasn’t give you a contract!!

Her behaviour is not only unprofessional but unethical. If you can manage, I would report her. Potentially suable as well although I appreciate this would be beyond your capacity. She needs to be suspended or investigated as other potential clients could be vulnerable of exploitation.

sorry this has been your experience. There are good therapists out there, I would recommend looking into a person-Centred one when you feel up to it.

If you decide to complain mention your sessions were more about her than you. Also you should complain for others who can’t.