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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Therapist won’t let me cancel!

262 replies

Moocow1995 · 15/01/2025 12:26

Hi all

Bit of a strange one really. I have been going to talking therapy / CBT with a therapist for the last couple of years. It’s expensive- £75 per session.

I have had some very good sessions with her but some others where I have come away feeling that the advice wasn’t totally sound but that’s neither here nor there really. I started therapy due to a particularly difficult break up and having escaped an abusive boyfriend in 2019 and I do feel that I am in the most part ‘recovered’ from the damage caused by that situation and so the therapy is more of a nice to have than a complete essential now.

A couple of months ago, I explained to her that due to changes in my financial situation I would like to cut down to fortnightly sessions. This was met with a lot of disagreement and often half of my 50 minute session would be taken up with her telling me I would really benefit from weekly sessions. This was frustrating as I was paying more than I could afford for appointments in which I was making no progress and coming away feeling stressed. Nonetheless she eventually relented and I dropped down to fortnightly sessions.

She now spends almost my entire session moaning about me having dropped down to fortnightly. I am finding very little value in this now and am also expecting my first baby so have said I will be cancelling completely at the end of May.

She has taken this really badly and I feel like I am spending the whole session defending this decision and my financial situation to her. She has even suggested that I ask my partner or parents to continue paying.

It is probably worth mentioning that I am under no contractual agreement in this situation.

So, would I be unreasonable to just send an email to say ‘I will be ceasing all therapy sessions as of X date’ and refuse to engage any further? Previously she inundated me with calls and messages when I tried this approach when dropping down to fortnightly sessions.

If I ABU to take this approach, how would you get out of it?

It is causing me quite a lot of stress and financial pressure at a time I could do without it.

Thank you for taking the time to read if you got this far.

OP posts:
2025willbemytime · 15/01/2025 15:49

Send an email today and say you are cancelling. This is wrong.

I am having weekly therapy and she asks me at the end if I'd like to meet up next week. There's no assumptions or pressure.

Yous is very unprofessional. You're paying her to let her complain to you!

Manxexile · 15/01/2025 16:09

@Moocow1995 - I haven't read the whole thread but can I put forward a word of caution before you cancel immediately and without notice?

You may think you haven't a contract but remember that a contract doesn't have to be in writing and you don't need to have signed anything. If she has notified you of T&Cs or she has T&Cs on her website you could be taken to have agreed to those terms by continuing to see her since - whenever you started seeing her.

I suggest you check whether this therapist has any T&Cs and, if so, what they say about you cancelling, particularly any notice period.

I notice that the BACP ethical framework linked to by a previous poster explicitly says on page 17 that:

"31. We will give careful consideration to how we reach agreement with clients and will contract with them about the terms on which our services will be provided. Attention will be given to:
a. reaching an agreement or contract that takes account of each client’s expressed needs and choices so far as possible
b. communicating terms and conditions of the agreement or contract in ways easily understood by the client and appropriate to their context
c. stating clearly how a client’s confidentiality and privacy will be protected and any circumstances in which confidential or private information will be communicated to others
d. providing the client with a record or easy access to a record of what has been agreed
e. keeping a record of what has been agreed and of any changes or clarifications when they occur
f. being watchful for any potential contractual incompatibilities between agreements with our clients and any other contractual agreements applicable to the work being undertaken and proactively strive to avoid these wherever possible or promptly alert the people with the power or responsibility to resolve these contradictions."

So under this ethical framework your therapist ought already to have an agreed contract with you covering how you can terminate the agreement.

Of course you might be able to argue that you are justified in terminating the contract (or arrangement) immediately and without notice because the therapist has been, by her conduct, in breach of any agreement there might be and in breach of the BACP's ethical guideleines. (I suggest you go through them and list her non-compliance.

I would also complain to the BACP

bacp-ethical-framework-for-the-counselling-professions-2018.pdf

https://www.bacp.co.uk/media/3103/bacp-ethical-framework-for-the-counselling-professions-2018.pdf

CocoapuffPuff · 15/01/2025 16:18

Good god, OP, text her immediately and tell her you won't be attending or paying for any more appts with her!
I've only read your first post and am wondering who the heck is the therapist and who is the patient here. You're having your ear bent by HER!!! Wrong way round, sunshine. Block her and stand up for yourself. That's ridiculous.

Owly11 · 15/01/2025 16:24

BeLilacSloth · 15/01/2025 13:43

Surely in this situation the client would just cancel and the therapist wouldn’t gain anything from them?

Show quote history

The sessions are for the benefit of the client, not the therapist! So if it were for theoretical reasons the therapist would be of the view that every other week sessions won't be of benefit. If it were for diary/room issues, the therapist likely has another potential client on the waiting list who can fill the slot every week and the therapist can't afford to have an empty slot every other week, especially if they have to pay for the room every week.

Owly11 · 15/01/2025 16:25

redboxer321 · 15/01/2025 13:47

@Owly11
I understand that but she agreed to it.
Sessions were held over Zoom.
I said it didn't have to be the same time each week, I could be flexible with times and dates if that suited her better but could only afford twice monthly sessions or thereabouts.
She didn't change her mind prior to our next session but ended them after our first bi-weekly session for reasons unknown.

I have had a good therapist, some ok and some really quite awful. And she I would put in the latter category. She never even remembered my name.

That does sound like something went badly wrong in the therapy, sorry to hear that you had that experience.

Allthecheeseplease · 15/01/2025 16:45

Find out who she's accreditated with and report her. This is extremely unprofessional.

commonsense61 · 15/01/2025 16:46

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Boomer55 · 15/01/2025 16:47

She’s “employed” by you. If you’re not happy, just don’t book her any more.

godmum56 · 15/01/2025 16:47

she is selling you a service that you no longer want to buy. Just tell her.

Watermelon500 · 15/01/2025 16:52

If you want to co tinge with her until May, then every time she tries to derail your session, you need to pull her back on track...'I've already explained that situation to you, can we please focus on my session today'.

everythingcrossed · 15/01/2025 17:12

We had a similar experience with my DC's therapist - she would not let us stop their therapy even when it seemed to have reached a plateau. She kept saying that our DC was in a far worse state than we could possibly envisage (because, according to the therapist, they were hiding it from us) and she had reached a crucial stage in their recovery. It was really hard to get rid of her, partly because we were so worried that we would be jeopardising our DC's mental health. It dragged on for at least 18 months after we had initially tried to cancel Sad

ThatRareUmberJoker · 15/01/2025 17:43

aster10 · 15/01/2025 14:58

Hi, I am a psychoanalytic psychotherapist and I would agree with a previous poster, CBT does not normally take more than a few sessions. The fact that your therapist is BACP registered does not mean that she is not a therapist. Psychoanalytic people can register with BPC, UKCP or BACP and they may well choose to register with BACP (like I did), it’s largely a formality. You might have move on to psychoanalitic or integrative work, and the nature of psychoanalytic work is that you explore in most (if not all) sessions the relationship between you and the therapist because it reflects various aspects of your relationship between you and the world. A therapist would be negligent if they didn’t try to explore if there’s anything deeper that makes a patient feel dissatisfied with the session and reduce the number of sessions or cancel altogether. And such exploration can be uncomfortable, to say the least. But of course external reality (finances, work or family obligations) needs to be taken into account too. I wonder if you are able to explore with her your feelings about therapy and her - or do you feel that the rapport is lost? Also, there would be typically a notice period for ending the therapy. Informally, the longer the therapy is, the better is it to have a longer termination phase, to properly think what the ending means to you and to prepare yourself for the ending. The rule of thumb is a month per year of therapy. But in her initial letter or initial discussions she would tell you what the formal notice period is like, for example 4 weeks.

My partner had therapy years ago before he met me it was with a sex therapist. He felt at the time he was a sex addict. The last session he had with her he shagged her. I wonder what he accomplished at the end of his therapy and whether he felt he could move on.

LegoBingo · 15/01/2025 17:44

Frostynoman · 15/01/2025 12:28

She sounds exceedingly unprofessional. Perhaps talk to the professional body that she belongs to

This

januaryblues83 · 15/01/2025 19:49

Are you a therapist by any chance?

@Greyish2025
No. But I have had lots of therapy.

januaryblues83 · 15/01/2025 19:53

My partner had therapy years ago before he met me it was with a sex therapist. He felt at the time he was a sex addict. The last session he had with her he shagged her. I wonder what he accomplished at the end of his therapy and whether he felt he could move on.

@ThatRareUmberJoker OMG...when exactly did you find this out?!

PeppyGreenFinch · 15/01/2025 19:55

everythingcrossed · 15/01/2025 17:12

We had a similar experience with my DC's therapist - she would not let us stop their therapy even when it seemed to have reached a plateau. She kept saying that our DC was in a far worse state than we could possibly envisage (because, according to the therapist, they were hiding it from us) and she had reached a crucial stage in their recovery. It was really hard to get rid of her, partly because we were so worried that we would be jeopardising our DC's mental health. It dragged on for at least 18 months after we had initially tried to cancel Sad

18 months! she should be reported!

canyouletthedogoutplease · 15/01/2025 19:58

@aster10

Rapport? I think we can see from OPs posts that rapport flew out of the window quite some time ago...

Jellycatspyjamas · 15/01/2025 20:28

The rule of thumb is a month per year of therapy. But in her initial letter or initial discussions she would tell you what the formal notice period is like, for example 4 weeks.

The OP was seeing someone for CBT, and while it can be useful to have time to process the ending, if the client wants to stop there’s literally nothing to stop them doing that regardless of any notice period the therapist would like. It’s wrong to keep someone in therapy when they want to leave.

2025willbemytime · 15/01/2025 20:51

"The rule of thumb is a month per year of therapy. But in her initial letter or initial discussions she would tell you what the formal notice period is like, for example 4 weeks."

What is this related to?

lifebyfaith · 15/01/2025 21:03

DowntonNabby · 15/01/2025 12:33

I would cancel with immediate effect and make it clear in the email that you have found her approach towards you wanting to end your sessions both stressful and unprofessional and that you do not want any further contact now. If she ignores that and harasses you further, send one more short message saying if she persists in contacting you, you’ll be forced to report her to her professional body.

She is totally in the wrong here, so don’t let her wear you down.

This.

She is trying to control you. Awful behaviour from anyone, but especially from a therapist.

MumonabikeE5 · 15/01/2025 21:05

Why wait til May?
cancel appointment in writing on the day after your next appointment and don’t pay for any more.

surely you don’t have a 5 month cancellation policy?

zerogrey · 15/01/2025 21:08

The more I read this, the wider my eyes got.

She's gone all Single White Female

In all seriousness, that is really fucking batshit and don't go near her again.

FedUp2025 · 15/01/2025 21:13

This woman sounds like a nutberg and your being scammed. Just stop communicating with her and block her ass . She's been praying on your vulnerability

nervousnellylikesjaffacakes · 15/01/2025 21:22

That is awful and incredibly unprofessional. If therapy is working then they should start to phase down sessions at your choosing and to be happy about it - that they are succeeding with their role. I've had a therapist say they are available for more sessions if ever needed, and that is it. Never pushing or asking for more. Cancel ASAP. I'm sorry this has been your experience.

BellissimoGecko · 15/01/2025 21:26

Bloody hell, she is unprofessional AF.

Report her to BACP.

Cancel her immediately then block on all SM. And I'd leave honest reviews of her too.