Therapist won’t let me cancel!

[Moocow1995]

Hi all

Bit of a strange one really. I have been going to talking therapy / CBT with a therapist for the last couple of years. It’s expensive- £75 per session.

I have had some very good sessions with her but some others where I have come away feeling that the advice wasn’t totally sound but that’s neither here nor there really. I started therapy due to a particularly difficult break up and having escaped an abusive boyfriend in 2019 and I do feel that I am in the most part ‘recovered’ from the damage caused by that situation and so the therapy is more of a nice to have than a complete essential now.

A couple of months ago, I explained to her that due to changes in my financial situation I would like to cut down to fortnightly sessions. This was met with a lot of disagreement and often half of my 50 minute session would be taken up with her telling me I would really benefit from weekly sessions. This was frustrating as I was paying more than I could afford for appointments in which I was making no progress and coming away feeling stressed. Nonetheless she eventually relented and I dropped down to fortnightly sessions.

She now spends almost my entire session moaning about me having dropped down to fortnightly. I am finding very little value in this now and am also expecting my first baby so have said I will be cancelling completely at the end of May.

She has taken this really badly and I feel like I am spending the whole session defending this decision and my financial situation to her. She has even suggested that I ask my partner or parents to continue paying.

It is probably worth mentioning that I am under no contractual agreement in this situation.

So, would I be unreasonable to just send an email to say ‘I will be ceasing all therapy sessions as of X date’ and refuse to engage any further? Previously she inundated me with calls and messages when I tried this approach when dropping down to fortnightly sessions.

If I ABU to take this approach, how would you get out of it?

It is causing me quite a lot of stress and financial pressure at a time I could do without it.

Thank you for taking the time to read if you got this far.

It was from my post. It seems that the OP and her therapist have moved from CBT to some form of open-ended therapy. I was suggesting ideas on how to approach the ending of such therapy.

Presuming that you have no sessions you pay in advance for and actually no contract as you say, I think a message saying thanks and bye and that you won't be attending any sessions going forward, would be highly appropriate!

A couple of years ago I went for sessions with a solution focused hypnotherapist. After a number of sessions, which were brilliant, he said he thought I'd be OK, but I could always go back to him if I needed to. And I have a few times. He has never put pressure on me to have sessions. On the contrary, if I contact him about something, he might remind me (we email) of things we've talked about before so I don't need to see him in person at that particular time. And that's surely how it should be.

^This!

She needs to be reported.

It was from my post. It seems that the OP and her therapist have moved from CBT to some form of open-ended therapy. I was suggesting ideas on how to approach the ending of such therapy.

There are lots of different types of open ended therapy, and they don’t need a protracted ending process. While psychodynamic theory might point to a number of sessions to process the work and ending, if a client is clearly saying they are done it’s unethical to try and compel them to continue. Any contracting should work in the clients favour, so if I was stopping work as a therapist the onus is on me to offer an appropriately planned ending, there is no such obligation on the client.

I’d also be interested in whether the therapist explicitly explained the shift away from CBT and gained informed consent, or whether the work just drifted into something longer term. In any case if the client tells you they want to end, the therapy ends.

I'm a therapist

This is wrong, sort of bullying behaviour and unethical
She is projecting onto you

Just block her, she can't do anything

I wasn't with him when it happened. It is a shocking story.

Do not report her - that’s really harsh. Maybe she hasn’t dealt with it well but she will get the message loud and clear when you stop going completely that she didn’t act appropriately. Why damage someone’s career?

Thanks for that - I was really surprised when I started reading the thread because I'd understood CBT to be a short term therapy - OP seems to have been going forever

Wait a minute, so you had a bad break up from an abusive partner? And now the therapist who helped you through that is causing you to have a bad break up from an abusive therapist?

Very weird. I wish you strength in dealing with saying goodbye to her!

This is crazy. Isn't stopping therapy kind of what you're working towards? I'd just refuse to engage. She clearly wants the money.

Just for a different perspective - I had therapy weekly, then fortnightly and now once a month. My therapist supported and encouraged me through all this! Block & report.

Because she's really unprofessional

That's shocking OP, definitely send that email and I would be stopping now if I were you . Completely unprofessional and breaking codes of conduct/ professional standards . Stop giving anymore money to this woman

Send an email advising you won't be returning with immediate effect.

She's just after your money!

Because she's not fit to practice. She's behaved incredibly unprofessionally and charged OP for the privelege, and it would be reasonable for her to be reported.

It's like employing a painter and decorator to do up your house and them refusing to leave and keep turning up every day because they don't think they're finished.

A career involving fleecing a client of thousands.

Many people undergoing therapy are vulnerable and more easy to manipulate.

This therapist needs to be stopped.

Are you really prioritising one person’s career over the vulnerable people?

Therapist here. This woman is working in an unethical and unboundaried way and you owe her nothing. Immediately finishing would be totally appropriate here.

What I would say to some on this thread though is that endings can be important and if you have had a good relationship with your therapist it can be hugely beneficial to end the relationship over a few sessions. This is particularly true if you have a habit of running away or ghosting and the intensity of goodbyes is difficult - a good therapist will guide you through this process and help change patterns.

This is obviously not what is going on here though - I'm more referring to the YouTube clip with James Acaster.

@VictoriaMum323 · Yesterday 23:05

Do not report her - that’s really harsh. Maybe she hasn’t dealt with it well but she will get the message loud and clear when you stop going completely that she didn’t act appropriately. Why damage someone’s career?

Terrible, terrible advice! She needs to be reported because she is abusing the client, she is unsafe and doing untold damage. If therapists like this are not held to account it brings the entire profession into disrepute and other potential clients are being put at risk. This is a blatant boundary violation; what if it was more subtle? Say a projection of a therapist's shame? The single biggest factor aside from relationship that impacts outcome is has the therapist addressed their stuff? Because if they haven't they are certainly not going to be able to hold yours.

I would report her to her governing body.
Deeply unprofessional and financially manipulative.
Spell out her spending the session complaining to you about you reducing them.

People need protecting from her.

Everyone is feeling the pinch.

This is unethical behaviour, worth reporting to governing body.

This is horrible. She needs reporting to the appropriate body.

These sessions are about what you need. And that's not bullying or threatening into paying more money. Just stop going.

You should cancel and probably report her

Seconded by another therapist over here! I'm sorry this has been your experience, this definitely isn't what ending therapy looks/sounds like normally.