DS has been offered jobs in Qatar and UAE

[Sooptimisim]

DS is 26, he works in finance and has a good job in London. He has recently informed us that he has been offered jobs in both Doha and Dubai and is heavily considering taking them.
I know it’s not up to me but I really can’t settle at the thought of him moving to either of these countries. I associate them with poor women’s rights, little political freedom/freedom of speech etc.
I am trying to be supportive but I’m actually finding it very hard to be.
It isn’t about him moving away as my DD is in Australia doing a masters degree, it’s just the terrible women’s (and human) rights etc.

AIBU to ask him to consider all of this before making a decision?

If my son wanted to leave this place and had the option (when he grows) I’d be taking him to the airport myself. As it stands, I’ll be getting him out before he grows come hell or high water, I don’t want his future to be what I’ve just lived through (but worse)

There’s no future here.

Let your son go and live

My Husband, sons and I lived and worked in the Middle East from 1979 to 2012. Qatar 1979 to 1983. Oman 3 years then Bahrain for 20 years and Qatar again 2004 to 2012. I held a senior postion as General Manager and 95% of my staff were male, Qataris,Bahrainis,Omanis, Indian,Pakistanis, Canadians,Americans,Phillipinos and Rumanians. I was always treated with utmost respect and always felt 100% safe. I genuinely can't think of any occasion when I felt disrespected or threatened. When attending a meeting with devout Muslim men who due to their religion couldn't shake my hand - their hand went to touch their heart. I feel sad at the misconceptions people who have never visited the ME hold. So please encourage your son to grab this opportunity and I assure you that you will love your visits out to see him. I should add I haven't worked in Dubai - first visited in 1979 when it was a fishing village - but have held many business meetings there and actually prefer Qatar. I should add I wore the same clothes that I would wear here in the UK - normal business and leisure wear.

@Mumek I like the hand on hard and nod gesture tbh. The only issue is that they were waiting for me as a women to lead what we do and I waited for them as locals to lead what we do😂 Sometimes ended up with both😂

Op your son can also shower you in gold. It's considerably cheaper to buy here because smaller souqs don't put on massive extra charges and it's sold per weight with bit added on 😜 proper clarity too. Bonus and a great long term investment.

I feel like it seems OK until/if something goes wrong or you end up in a dispute of some kind with a local/employer. If you need help or find yourself in a legal predicament, it appears to all get a bit risky. Not a chance I’d take. If he has unmarried sex over there, he could be reported and god knows what the punishment is for that.

Unmarried sex is fine now for non muslims. Lots of people live together as well before marriage so it is presumed they have sex. Just make sure everyone involved is of legal age. It's been few years.
But yes, I would be fucking about with laws. They are heavy handed punishments. Based on crime rate they somewhat work though. Like don't swear at people and insult them. Can cost you considerable fine.

Does he have a female partner or a daughter? And what do they think about this move? Given they'll be the only ones experiencing the oppression they should be the ones with the views.
Yes, it's different for western women out there. It's do-able and not to my personal taste, it honestly there are other aspects of awful human right violations which are worse.

I managed 10 years in the UAE. It’s really not a hardship if you have a good deal.
i didn’t have a choice to be there but I threw myself in to helping those less fortunate than myself in any way I could.
Regardless of what you think about that region (I was more concerned with the treatment of third world immigrant workers) the UAE and GCC regions aren’t going away and they don’t care what you think

No, but I have met people who have and I am perfectly aware that different countries have different cultural and social backgrounds. I think that in many countries in the Middle East women are very safe, much safer than in many countries in Europe that seem to think that protecting women is an optional extra. Other places end up in news for the reasons I have mentioned.

YABU
Why is it ok for your daughter to be in Australia where the human rights for Aboriginal people are shit.

I agree with this too. It's likely that his package will include flights home.

I wouldn't go to that part of the world either, but he's a grown man and he can make his own decisions.

Excellent response

I lived and worked in Doha OP.

As long as you go with your eyes open it's an interesting experience. I saw so many people sucked into the lifestyle though and get into debt to do that.

It's expensive to live there and after a while I found it really oppressive and boring.

Would I go back? Nope.
Was it a little depressing at times because of the way some expats from Asia were treated? Yes

My very smart and politically aware nephew worked in Dubai for several years. He enjoyed the sunshine (he suffers from SAD) and being able to travel extensively. He paid off his student loan and built significant savings. This has meant he has now bought outright a rooftop apartment in Lisbon and has a fantastic lifestyle working as a consultant.

Oh and my nephew is now extremely well informed about the politics of the Middle East and the way in which Dubai, the Arab Emirates and Saudi Arabia are run. To an extent most people in the UK are woefully ignorant (myself included).

@crumblingschools they ask if you're married at medical appointments, because it is a precursor to could you be pregnant. They prefer not to ask an unmarried muslim woman if she could be pregnant, it is insulting. They do the same for all women, even those of us post-menopause! And no, I am in a senior position in my employment and not on a low income. Not sure why you asked.

No, it's about respect for and safety of women. Women hold some of the highest positions in government here.

@useitorlose one thing I loved about living in Doha was the women only spaces, the Spas were wonderful. Liberating spaces away from the male gaze.

I would have to have a conversation. Tell him
that you understand it is ultimately his decision, but you are concerned about women’s rights in those jurisdictions.

I would also add that if he does go, you have to ask that he please review the local laws carefully so he doesn’t end up afoul of the justice system.

YANBU to ask him to think about it but it is his decision.

I have friends who live in Qatar (and raised their daughters there) who love it.

If I was 20 years younger I would move to the ME in a heartbeat for a few years to build up some serious finances.

I may still do it.

He maybe attracted by the money and career prospects I am in Finance and the salaries in places Qatar are incredible.

Just to clarify, I am in the USA, if your son were considering a job here, I would advise you to have a similar conversation with him.

the key current difference between the USA and the UAE is that we have no guardianship law. Women do not need permission from men to exercise their rights. We also are governed primarily by state law, not federal. The state I live in includes access to abortion in its constitution.

Unmarried sex is illegal in Qatar but all the expats do it and the authorities don’t really peer i to their bedrooms.

I have a “good job” in London and still have to carefully watch my outgoings.

He probably does the same so wants a few years making stupid money then will return to the UK.

I think we cannot patronise women in those places though. It’s not Afghanistan. A lot of Qatari women are very happy living their lives in line with their faith.

Is there zero risk to this? What’s the likelihood of facing consequences