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Original poster

How common was EOW in the early 90s?

159 replies

boltt · 14/01/2025 22:22

We used to stay at our dad's house EOW.

Picked up at 18:00 on Friday, and would leave his after Sunday lunch around 16:00. 45 min journey each way.

It's hardly a lot of time is it. Wondering how common this arrangement really was back then.

OP posts:
Rivett · 14/01/2025 22:24

It’s not a lot of time you’re right. Would you have liked more time with your dad?

JoeySchoolOfActing · 14/01/2025 22:26

It's barely any time at all.

Not to come over all poor me, but our arrangement was 1100 - 1800/1900 on Saturdays EOW.

It blows my mind sometimes that I have any sort of relationship with my Dad now.

thesecondmrsdewinter20 · 14/01/2025 22:27

Me in the late 90s / early 2000s, too

crumblingschools · 14/01/2025 22:27

DH, as a child, never stayed at his dad’s once his parents got divorced

Original poster
boltt · 14/01/2025 22:28

I believe the reason I'm still fairly close with my dad is that he was reliable. Never missed a due weekend.

But EOW is total bollocks!

OP posts:
MsChatterbox · 14/01/2025 22:29

Yes we had this arrangement! And the entire weekend was spent glued to the telly 😬

12purplepencils · 14/01/2025 22:30

It’s still common now isn’t it? It’s all my xH wants (plus 2 hours one weekday after school).

Ihatelittlefriendsusan · 14/01/2025 22:30

I think it was incredibly commone to be honest.

My parents are still together but i was a t school in the 90's and I remember a lot of my friends only seeing their dad eow. It was pretty much the go-to arrangement.

LBOCS2 · 14/01/2025 22:30

That was our arrangement too, from around 1994? After work on Friday until 6pm on Sunday, EOW, plus one week to go on holiday per year.

I don't have a great relationship with my dad but tbh I'm not sure it was the custody arrangements causing it.

Notmydaughteryoubitch · 14/01/2025 22:31

I was talking about this with someone the other day - my DH has 3 DSC who are in their 20s now - he had the kids EOW, one night in the week and half school holidays - at the time this was the fairly typical arrangement (he would have liked a lot more) - 50/50 wasn't the starting point (certainly where we were) as it is much more these days. Not to say there aren't plenty of men who do a lot less than 50/50 but I think if a father wants 50/50 these days it is a lot easier to achieve than it was even 15-20 years ago.

Original poster
boltt · 14/01/2025 22:31

12purplepencils · 14/01/2025 22:30

It’s still common now isn’t it? It’s all my xH wants (plus 2 hours one weekday after school).

Isn't 50:50 the starting point now?

Which has its own huge cons

OP posts:
Original poster
boltt · 14/01/2025 22:33

One night in the week may have helped. My dad had never once taken me to, or picked me up from school.

I wonder if he'd ever seen me in my school uniform

OP posts:
12purplepencils · 14/01/2025 22:34

Maybe in theory 50/50 is the starting point, and my x made noises about that in the beginning. But has never followed through with it. I would be very happy with it although the kids probably wouldn’t and they are old enough to choose.

i think he probably knows that, and his level of relationship with him and part of the reason for the marriage breakdown was his detachment, workaholism, and lack of fathering.

Alphabetamega · 14/01/2025 22:34

I didn’t even have that. It was sporadic at best and quite acceptable to just have random weekends committed. Definitely wasn’t any formal agreement.

Still happens a bit though? I know someone whose exh has EOW it’s 6pm pick up (never from school as god forbid they leave their office job early) and depending on the football or other sporting fixtures drop off can be from 11-4…. And this guy thinks he’s the world’s best father. Tbh only think he wants EOW and then some holiday weeks to make CM the most minimum he can get away with paying with the least disruption to his social life.

Not2identifying · 14/01/2025 22:36

Throughout the 90s, I saw my Dad every other weekend and half the longer school holidays (not half terms). I wish we'd been able to see him in the alternate week for an evening but we never did and we didn't talk on the phone between visits either (and I didn't have a mobile of my own until I was an adult).

I don't think 50:50 would have suited me though.

Afraidofhimrightnow · 14/01/2025 22:39

I would have hated 50:50. I wanted one base.

SemperIdem · 14/01/2025 22:39

50:50 is now the starting point a judge would work backwards from if the parents took the matter to family court. Most don’t though, go to court that is.

I think 50:50 is becoming more common as an informal agreed arrangement between parents. It isn’t the default by any means, people have regularly commented over the years that it is “so good” my ex husband wants 50:50, which suggests their expectation is it would be rather less.

Morph22010 · 14/01/2025 22:40

We were more mid 80s but we only saw our dad one evening a week

Bluebellsnowdrop · 14/01/2025 22:41

Why do people often say that they don't like 50/50? What's the problem with it?

AmberAnger · 14/01/2025 22:42

We didn't stay with my dad at all. He came to my mum's house (old family home) for a few hours on a Monday night. Then it dropped to every other Monday. Once my sister started driving we'd go over to his for dinner with him and his wife. I don't remember how often. Maybe quarterly.

Original poster
boltt · 14/01/2025 22:43

Not2identifying · 14/01/2025 22:36

Throughout the 90s, I saw my Dad every other weekend and half the longer school holidays (not half terms). I wish we'd been able to see him in the alternate week for an evening but we never did and we didn't talk on the phone between visits either (and I didn't have a mobile of my own until I was an adult).

I don't think 50:50 would have suited me though.

Yes we never spoke on the phone during the fortnight. Weird

OP posts:
GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 14/01/2025 22:43

I don’t know about the 90s, but my arrangement with exh is EOW plus one night in the week - a Thursday (for my youngest, my eldest doesn’t do the week night now - she doesn’t have to go at all if she doesn’t want as she’s 16, but basically goes there EOW).

The weekends were meant to go right through to Monday morning school drop off, which I think makes a big difference, but my exh couldn’t cope with doing the Sunday nights 🤷🏻‍♀️

Edit - we also split the holidays in half so that get that time with him too.

50:50 is hard for kids though as they don’t have one base - and can feel forever on the move. Does depend on the kids and the set up of course.

Original poster
boltt · 14/01/2025 22:43

Bluebellsnowdrop · 14/01/2025 22:41

Why do people often say that they don't like 50/50? What's the problem with it?

Would you like two homes? Like a pin ball every 3.5 days

OP posts:
Maddy70 · 14/01/2025 22:44

That was my arrangement with my dad in the 80s

Sasskitty · 14/01/2025 22:44

Lots of dads only ask for 50/50 so they don’t have to pay maintenance. It’s often not in the child/rens best interest at all.

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