How common was EOW in the early 90s?

[boltt]

We used to stay at our dad's house EOW.

Picked up at 18:00 on Friday, and would leave his after Sunday lunch around 16:00. 45 min journey each way.

It's hardly a lot of time is it. Wondering how common this arrangement really was back then.

I only remember the odd occasion of staying at my dad’s. I also remember waiting and he never turned up. Sometimes he picked us up and took us to our grandparents and left again 🤷 My dad was a waste of space! I’m 53 now and have no relationship with him.

Every Other Weekend was and is normal. It is when my DS sees his DC, though he also has them for part of the holidays e.g. in summer. Not sure how often my DSGS sees his two DC, but they are often at my DiL's, so I think the arrangements are a bit flexible.

When I challenged my ex over custody, I specified half the year in each home and EOW for the other half of the year (we live in the same city). It only applied to my DD, but my DS always chose to accompany her.

Most prevalent. Ex husband did not agree to 50 50 only want to see the kids one weekendxever fortnight, I have to battle over a year to add one evening a week. He only takes the kids for 2 weeks holiday per year as his own words he is entitled to have free time. Father of the year award go to him

I can’t remember exactly, I think at first it was every Saturday. We then stayed over on a Saturday into the Sunday and dad took us on holidays every summer.

I remember missing my mum desperately when I stayed at ny dads.

He called daily.

Now I have a great close relationship with him and my mum.

My sons father had eow pick up Fri from school then drop at school on Monday. My son is older now and arranges things for himself.
I never blocked more contact this was his suggestion. He used to threaten me with 50-50 whenever we had an argument but never followed through.

I was an older teen in 1990 when my parents split up and hardly went to my dad's house. My sister was several years younger but neither of us ever stayed there. I wouldn't have wanted to, even if I'd been a child. He'd never done the same kind of parenting things my mum did and I would have found it too weird. Plus it was the other side of town where I had no friends and didn't like staying in as there wasn't much to do.

We did one weekend a month with my Dad - mainly because he moved 2 hours away. I used to hate it as I was a proper car sick child and hated being in the car for that long, and I just didn’t like going. I now have no relationship at all with my dad, we had an argument when I was 11 and he told me he never wanted to see me again!

(I turned 11 in 2002 so was doing once a month sort of mid 90s onwards)

People can think what they want but I fought for my DC to not have 50/50 because I know

1. The DC were very young and being suitcase children would be unsettling
2. The dad had not really bothered doing very much for the year previously
3. Even though he had money he was refusing to get somewhere suitable for them to stay
4. He initially stated he wanted them EOW and then all of a sudden changed his mind and wanted 50/50
5. He had no clue about their friends, their teachers, their likes/dislikes
6. He had never done any support for their out of school activities and refused to take them when things were on 'his day' although thankfully he has changed on this in years since.
7. He has never helped, checked or encouraged anything to do with their schooling unless asked
8. He can barely take them away for a holiday for more than a couple of days

He started doing the bare minimum imo and has improved slightly but he turns up so they have a consistent relationship at least.

I was a 50/50 kid from early 90s. It was amicable, worked out down to the hour and parents lived 10mins from each other. My dad was a very involved parent, probably more than my mum tbh. I was actually the only kid I knew of who had "2 houses", it was a big deal in the playground.

I hated it. I think EOW with a midweek evening would have been preferable. With either parent.

This is what my ex does. EOW 7pm Fri-7pm Sun. It's shit

My ex only saw my DD EOW, he was too “busy” during the week to manage to fit time in with her. When he got a new GF and she fell pregnant they suddenly wanted to play happy families and asked to see her more, he was confused why DD refused to visit him. She’s not seen him or been in contact with him in 15 years now.

My mum and dad were wonderful, my parents separated in 1975 and I saw my dad every day, he took me on holiday every year and my parents were wonderful coparents. Both remarried and I loved spending time at both houses as well as with wider family on both sides. I can never remember my mums husband or my dads wife parenting me, in both houses my parents set my boundaries (and the boundaries were the same in each house).

After many attempts by my divorce lawyer to get my ex husband to agree to any custody agreement, she wrote the minimum time allowed. So he had our DC for 2hrs a week 🤔

My dad lived a 5 minute walk away so I didn't have set days or times with him I would just go there whenever I wanted to. My kids currently see their dad EOW. Their schedules are far too busy to go there midweek and he doesn't live close enough to take them to school/clubs. It's an arrangement that works for us

So does a terrible marriage or relationship where parents don’t want to be together.

We stayed at our dad’s once in a blue moon. He’d sometimes say he was coming and then wouldn’t turn up, leaving me and my sister waiting with our bags packed and devastated. I then didn’t speak to him for about 4/5 years through my teenage years and then sporadically as an adult. No wonder as we had nothing in common 🤷‍♀️

My dad would pick the three of us up at 4pm on Friday and drop us home at about 7/8 pm Sunday but got later as it got older. My eldest brother moved in with him at about 15, then my other brother at same age then I did at 16. He used to alternate Xmas and had us for two weeks of the summer holidays. We were 2, 4 and 6 when my mum had an affair and left him.

A family member I know has as near to 50/50 as possible, he cares for his daughter from Thursday after school until Sunday after lunch. This works for his shift pattern. The downside to this is his ex always has “weekends off”. Which my in laws think is unfair - but he chose to stay in his current job despite having an opportunity to work a different shift pattern that would allow him to be able to do EOW with days during the week.

It was unusual when I was a teenager in the 90's. Divorce was taboo in Ireland, I had only one friend with separated parents.

Plenty of friends with unhappy parents though.

I don't think that friend ever spent a night in her Dad's.

I’ve never really thought about it much but we didn’t really have any sort schedule for dsd. It was late 80’s/early 90’s and when she fell out with her mum she came to ours and vice versa. It was only a 10 minute drive between houses and she was 12 when dh and I moved in together so sometimes she just appeared at the door. If we were going away for a weekend, going somewhere nice or even out for a meal we’d ask if she wanted to go and pick her up if she did. I worked shifts so she often did things just with her Dad and sometimes, if he was working we’d have a girls day out.

If dsd’s mum ever had any concerns regarding the arrangements, she never mentioned it and I admired her for that. Her mum died a while ago but she has a great relationship with her dad, myself and particularly her step siblings.

That’s pretty shite.
back in the past, men were much more remote and always working- My dad was with us (but my mum died when I was a young child)
Dad collecting me from school was a rare special occasion as he worked full time, but when his diary allowed it, he collected me.

My own son missed out on his dad doing stuff like this, too.

I think EOW is awful and will never understand men who only want that. 50:50 can be done in ways that benefit children and lead to positive relationships with both parents. Also prevents all
the Disney Mum/Dad nonsense and makes sure that both are pulling their weight throughout the week.

My DH and his ex have 50:50 with a split week but set days for clubs etc. They’ve asked DSD if she’d like to do week on/week off to avoid feeling pulled about every few days but she’s always said no, she likes knowing her routine. We live 5 mins from her Mum and Step Dad though, nothing travels with her expect her school bag, and it’s very much home from home. They are also very amicable so swaps for weekends away, functions, family parties etc is never an issue.

I grew up in the 90s and had 3 friends who had divorced parents. Two had EOW and one had 50:50 (Dad was on the oil rigs so they did a two weeks with Mum two weeks with Dad system). The EOW girls were openly jealous of the 50:50 girl and one used to comment that she wished her Dad wanted her that much.

I was a single parent from 1986, when dd was 4 years old.

I asked her father to phone her daily, at bedtime. He refused, saying I was 'trying to control him'. I wanted nothing to do with him. I wanted my baby to know her father.

She saw her father for roughly four hours on Saturdays. He was often late. Sometimes he didn't come. He took three holidays a year, often timed to coincide with her birthday so he would be absent. His idea of a present was to take her to a cash machine, draw out some cash and hand it over. On Christmas day he took her to his parents, returning her around 4pm to see me and my family. Later he decided he wouldn't do that, he'd stay at home with his new family. A couple of times I drove her over and waited while she visited.
She knew him by then. She knew she had to keep up the visits to keep the maintenance coming in. He didn't always pay the full amount but he did, mainly, pay. She didn't stay over at his until she was a teenager, and even then, she didn't find it pleasant. They didn't provide proper meals, for example. When she married, she didn't want him to walk her down the aisle or give a speech, as he didn't really know her. So, he and his entire family (including her aunt and grandparents) refused to come to her wedding.

The bold above answers the OP's question. The rest is me remembering. It's better forgotten. My child was depressed. She came back miserable every Saturday. She continues to find weekends difficult now, in her forties.

He's dead. It's a relief.

I think my parents split before I was born (80s) and I don’t know what the formal arrangement was supposed to be, but thinking about it now (for the first time actually 🤔) I never stayed with my father anywhere. He was very chaotic though, I hardly ever saw him and I think he was couch surfing a lot of the time. I remember other kids of divorced parents having to be shipped all over the place though. I don’t think I’d have liked it.

None of my friends’ kids who have to do EOW enjoy it once they reach about 9 or 10 it seems, and they really don’t like having to do a day in the week as well. I think they find it really disruptive.

EOW was my experience - parents split in 1991 and my dad moved out of the city to the countryside so wasn’t at all practical for school commute. My brother and I never had a proper bedroom at my dad’s house - slept on couches in the living room and always felt slightly like guests, but didn’t resent it at the time and maintained a good if slightly formal/reserved relationship with my dad.

My mum’s house was definitely my home - my dad’s never was, especially after he remarried and had another child. To be honest, I’m not sure I could have coped with having to split my whole life and all my possessions over two locations. I don’t think 50/50 is automatically best for kids - they need stability, a home that feels like home, a predictable routine, opportunities to see their friends etc… all much harder to manage consistently across two houses.

That’s why most men don't want 50;50. Because if they want it, they would get it.

They want to cherry pick the more fun parts of parenting, as they have usually done during the marriage eg run the kids to football on a Saturday and watch the game while chatting to other dads, while mum cleans house . This is them “doing mum a favour”.

Now they are Disney dad taking kids to MacDonalds and letting them play video games to 2am while mum deals with homework and makes them tidy their bedroom.

Then once they move in with another woman, all bets are off.

Friends of mine in 80s and 90s only had a Saturday afternoon with their dads EOW was from what I saw rare dads often had less.