Left alone in a park

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Please help, My ex looks after my two girls (12 and 10) most weekends. The eldest likes to do park runs on Saturdays but my youngest isn't really bothered. I found out recently that my ex and my eldest had done a park run in a large Scottish city (they've never been there before so an unfamiliar location), and my youngest had been left alone in a play park while they did a 5k park run. Looking at the course, the majority of it is outside the visibility of the park so there would be no way of checking whether she was safe in the park, except a few sections. A 5k takes around 30 minutes to complete - it does circulate the play park but on a very wide basis. Am I being unreasonable to think this isn't okay??

12 and 10 is well old enough to be in a Scottish park.

In Scotland it’s completely normal for kids to play out in parks and other areas from much younger than 10.

my 12 year old gets the bus into town with her pals and goes to the shops, cinema and swimming and has been allowed to go to the park with her friends since she was 7.

so I really can’t see what’s wrong go with 10 year old waiting around while her dad does a park run.

if you are English OP I get it though as the culture seems to be totally different down south.

Genuine question - What do you think a phone will do to help if an adult grabs hold of a child, puts their hand over their mouth to stop them screaming and throws them inside a van? Chances are they would also search them for a phone once in the van and if one is found, probably chuck it out the window (I read true crime).

At 11 my child is walking 25 mins to and from school twice a day by himself. The only reason your are being reasonable is if either

• your 10 year old was frightened and upset at being left. Or
• she has a disability which means that her understanding of stranger danger and/or her coordination is going to make her likely to wander off or fall off stuff.

Otherwise there is no problem.

But this is in a place she has never been so she was alone with no friends
I agree it was unkind of her dad to leave her alone.
And for people who say didn't she have her phone. Many primary school children don't have phones.

Quite apart from the ableist language, no-one deserves to be screamed at.

It's abusive behaviour.

I think it’s quite reasonable to leave the child assuming that she’s happy to be left, our local park run has a playground in the same location and it will be full of kids whose parents are running. At 10 there is no reason not to stay in the playground alone, presuming they have a phone to contact a parent if needed. It’s only unsuitable if the child can’t be trusted to stay there, or might behave inappropriately, or something like that.

I think the issue is, dad has two kids who each want to do different things. If he didn’t leave the 10-year-old on the playground, the options would have been either force her to run, or tell the 12-year-old that she can’t do the run while they all do something together. I think the option of leaving the child on the playground is the better one.

I don't like the sound of it.
And I am an oldie who thinks many children today in England are babyfied too much.
I am a full grown autonomous adult and I would not like to dragged to some unknown location and then left alone there in the open air ie cold until others had finished their activity.
Like a parcel left at a station to await collection.
It would be entirely different if the one left had requested this outing and relished time to do their own thing.
But that doesn't sound like this situation.
More as if the young person is an inconvenience.
Have they been consulted as to what they may like to do on these occasions.
Also is this man her father?
If so why do you describe them as my DDs rather than our DDs ?

The chances of that happening in a busy park while ParkRun is going on is so small as to be almost non-existent.

Genuine question, at what age do you think a child is going to be able to stop an adult grabbing hold of them, putting their hand over their mouth and throwing them inside a van?

Does it magically happen on their 12th, 13th, 14th birthday?

Or do you just never let your kids out alone? 🙄

Clearly the phone would be handy if she fell off a swing or felt unhappy at any point.

Do you know, I am not sure that it is OK. I have no problem at all with kids playing out at 10. I started to let my DS go to his mate's around the corner at 8 and to the park with his mates by 10. The key word there though is mate. I wouldn't have been at all comfortable if he had been there by himself and certainly not in a strange place where he wouldn't be able to go to someone's house nearby if he needed to.
I don't know that there's a lot you can do though OP. I don't think you have any control over how your ex parents on his time. If he thinks it's safe then that's it.

When?

I leave my 10yo playing and walk around. It makes no difference that I know the area does it? He doesn't have a phone. We loop to keep an eye on him

Early noughties.

I used to cycle to a park a mile away from my house and play all afternoon. I would just tell my parents when I’d be home. No mobiles in those days. 30 minutes with a phone sounds fine, esp when Dad and sister were doing a park run proximal to the area.

I was smoking cigarettes by 10 😅

I wouldn’t worry about mine age 10 waiting there, i’d tell her to wait near the finish line where the volunteers are.

I was out and about (1970s) but never alone. I was always with friends. I must admit I wouldn't have been too happy with this as it was unfamiliar and she was alone rather than with a friend.

I think it's fine. Mine went to the park alone at 10 frequently, although it was a familiar one.

It's the unfamiliarity not the location as such

I was 1960s and I wouldn't be happy with this now

I think it depends what the park was like. Was it full of parents and other children? Also, how did your daughter feel? If she wasn't happy then it wouldn't be ok.

Did they not want to be with friends? Alone in a park wouldn’t be appealing to me even as a child. I always went with friends.

I agree with this poster.
Also Park run officials are not DBS checked so why would they be 'safe' as some posters have commented.
Also most park runs are usually early in the morning....9am in the current weather conditions....very cold with not many other kids or parents in the play park.
Does she have a mobile phone, although not always a safety factor if in trouble.
Was alternative childcare available that her dad could arrange?

During Parkrun there’s usually loads of parents and young kids at the nearest play park waiting for runners to finish. I would be ok with my ten year old waiting there for me if he was ok with it. I wouldn’t if he was anxious though.

Genuine question - what do you think the odds are of this happening to a 10yo in a busy park during park run?

And genuine follow up - how do you think that compares to the risk of the same 10yo being in a serious accident every time they get in a car?