Left alone in a park

[Dmb563]

Please help, My ex looks after my two girls (12 and 10) most weekends. The eldest likes to do park runs on Saturdays but my youngest isn't really bothered. I found out recently that my ex and my eldest had done a park run in a large Scottish city (they've never been there before so an unfamiliar location), and my youngest had been left alone in a play park while they did a 5k park run. Looking at the course, the majority of it is outside the visibility of the park so there would be no way of checking whether she was safe in the park, except a few sections. A 5k takes around 30 minutes to complete - it does circulate the play park but on a very wide basis. Am I being unreasonable to think this isn't okay??

Sounds like a lovely healthy way to spend time with the girls.

Usually in an area they grew up in, so actually know.

YABU. Even if it was a single lap they’d have occasional sight of the playground and could get an immediate feel if there was an emergency etc.

She could have run with them, so I imagine was given the choice and she chose to stay in the playground.

I think you need to work out how you’re going to foster independence in your time, and ensure you’re not encouraging a codependency.

He spent time with one girl

The other was dumped in a strange park in a strange city on her own.

That doesn't make him Parent of the Year in my book

You're allowed to not think it's ok, but he's allowed to make judgment calls like this on his parenting time.

I agree, I wouldn't like this either. Unfamiliar area with no one else around they know. YANBU

Wouldn't bother me if they were circulating the play park to be honest.

She wasn’t dumped FFS. Half an hour and seeing her family jogging past twice in that time.

If you're not comfortable doing this, then don't - but if their wants to then there's nothing wrong with it.
Just a difference in parenting choices.

We have done this with youngest ds. He had the choice of running or playing in the park and sometimes chose playing in the park. The park run course goes straight past the park and its two laps, so at the most he'd be out of sight for 10 mins.

The key is - was she happy? If not, they shouldn't leave her.

Not always, no. I would also sometimes have to go with my dad to his races and would be left to sit in the car/wander around alone for an hour at the same age.

No mobiles in those days, I just had to entertain myself. It was fine.

I wouldn't be happy all.
Yes a10 years old is capable of looking after themselves and 30 minutes is not a very long time but still not worth the risk, a lot can and does happen in 30 minutes. It's a public place.
There are other ways to do things, like doing the park run all together, then going to the playground, or asking another parent to keep an eye on the ten years old and exchanging numbers.
I hope your ex can bear to be explained how things are for girls and women.

So OP, was she OK with it?

Because that's key here

I did it in unfamiliar cities and countries too. It was never a problem.

I think it’s kinder on dc2 to allow playing in the park rather than force them to do park run.

My kids would have preferred playing too and were independent enough to cope with 30 minutes unattended. I know that some kids aren’t allowed so are too scared to do stuff like that you know your kids best. Did dc2 mind ? Would she prefer having a phone or watch next time if she felt scared? She’s the right age to work on independence and a park run event (lots of families) is a good place to start. Does she know her dad’s phone number? I have had kids that I don’t know ask me to call their parent before and I taught my kids my number for emergencies.

Many 10 year olds walk to and from school as well as places like the shops and friends/family houses.

30 minutes alone in a strange park aged 10? That's very irresponsible.

I think that’s only part of it to be honest . I think 10/11 is only when most kids these days start being more independent- and it’s normally as part of a group of kids not alone .

i also think that a lot of people that hurt children and women just take an opportunity rather than actively going looking for it . This 10 year old could have been an opportunity.

Indeed. At that age in the early 70s I went out to play about 9.30, had to be back at 12.30 for lunch, then I was back out again until tea at 5.30. After tea was dependent on when it got dark.

Sometimes we played in gardens, sometimes we were over the fields, sometimes we went to the park.

But times have changed, so I doubt myself sometimes as to whether it's still OK.

There’s a difference between 10 year olds being independent on their home territory and this. I wouldn’t be happy in a strange city. Also, with the faffing around before and after Parkrun, I expect she was alone for more than 30 minutes.

If god forbid something had happened, you can just imagine the judgement about leaving a 10 year old alone in a strange place…

I did exactly this at that age, with my little sister in tow, in fact we started at about 8/9 and 6. Sometimes for 10k or 10 mile races too. Maybe different times, but we always knew to ask race Marshalls if something went wrong.

If they both have phones it wouldn't bother me.

Then again even if they didn't, a 10 year old should be ok in a play park for half an hour.

I am sorry, I dissent, he is a moron and deserves to be screamed at. No way should he have left her in the park like that. Too many predators around.

Generally I'd say this is fine, but then I had a look at which parks parkrun takes place in Glasgow and it has expanded since I've lived there. If it was Pollok Park then I'd say fine. However, there's a homeless shelter right next to the playpark Queens Park so I'd be reluctant to leave my ten year old there alone. The other parks I don't know so well so couldn't comment. A bit of local knowledge could have helped your ex effectively risk assess this.

Equally, many 11yos get themselves to and from school independently every (school) day, whether in Y6 or Y7- for some Y7s this can be quite a complex journey- most will also go out to meet friends independently, into the nearest town, to the cinema etc. On a school trip in Y7, 11yos may be given some free time not directly in sight of an adult (although usually in groups of 3 or more). I would say this is a normal level of independence for 11yos, and perhaps your 11yo needs to develop their independence a bit more? If they are just 11 and in Y6, I would definitely be aiming for them to build it up a bit over the next year.

I do think the need to cope at least in a familiar environment (not just at home) without an adult and be able to manage without being freaked out- there are scenarios where this could happen at secondary school.

No I absolutely wouldn’t and we live in a lovely, upmarket area. The worry is about a crime which is one which can & DOES happen quite literally anywhere and in the blink of an eye.
The girl who was abducted by an Amazon driver was outside her own open front whilst her mum was in the kitchen…. She was 8 but had the girl been 9/10 or even 12 I doubt it would’ve been any different as a grown man can still overpower them.

I’d rather be called paranoid and be mocked on here, than the alternative. It’s a sad, sad world we live in; And crucially, one which is very, very different to how it was when we were that age…