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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think Vow Renewals signal a marriage in trouble?

448 replies

misssultana · 13/01/2025 13:37

In my late 30s now and seeing a few of these things pop up in my peer group and beyond. One I know the the husband cheated and even briefly left his wife to be with the OW before sobering up to what the reality of divorce with two young children would look like. In another that particular marriage was the man's second and they started as an affair while he was still married to his first wife and he has a career that would give ample opportunity to cheat. Others I'm not sure but wouldn't be too shocked it that was the case.

Personally I don't see the point of it at all. It seems quite crass and attention seeking. Quite a few have been really expensive, essentially a wedding again with a sit down meal and evening reception and must have cost £10,000 + which seems like a tremendous waste of money. Then there is the gifting issue, some ask for no gifts but increasingly I've seen gift registries for vow renewal's which feels grabby.

To me I just think have a big party, make a speech if you want to proclaim your love to each other in front of your friends and family but renewing your vows in a faux marriage ceremony is either pointless or its because you feel those vows have been broken.

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misssultana · 13/01/2025 15:41

HappySonHappyMum · 13/01/2025 15:33

You see it's posts like this that make me doubt myself. We'll have been married for 25 years next year. My husband hasn't worn a wedding ring for half of that time because it was stolen when our house was burgled and any replacement doesn't seem right to him. I'd love to have a small ceremony at our local church for just us - no pomp, nothing grand where I could buy him a new ring and it would feel right again. We have a loving marriage - I don't think there's anything wrong celebrating that and any negative thoughts you might have are all on you.

If you want to have a small ceremony at the church just for you and DH then fine but if neither of you have cheated and its just for a new ring then its kind of pointless to be honest. Its just making an occasion but that all it is. If you are having a big do and inviting everyone to have a faux wedding day then it is kind of cringy and attention seeking.

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MooDengsFatRolls · 13/01/2025 15:43

Can't help but raise my eyebrows when I hear of it. The vows my husband and I made on our wedding day are as valid now as they were then and will continue to be.

BlueSky2024 · 13/01/2025 15:43

PotaytoPotahhto · 13/01/2025 15:37

I didn’t have a wedding because of Covid so plan to throw a huge vow renewal for our 10 year anniversary…

Crass, probably. But I never got the party I wanted!

That’s a valid reason

Seymour5 · 13/01/2025 15:44

Apologies if this has already been mentioned, the only vow renewal I’ve ever witnessed was Pete and Dawn’s on Gavin and Stacey. It didn’t go too well.

Ohshutupsimonyoutwat · 13/01/2025 15:46

So much judgement. Can't people just do what makes them happy? What you would do or 'find tacky' is irrelevant.

Dotto · 13/01/2025 15:48

Ohshutupsimonyoutwat · 13/01/2025 15:46

So much judgement. Can't people just do what makes them happy? What you would do or 'find tacky' is irrelevant.

Of course they can. The post is not about whether they should be allowed to occur.

It's human nature however, to judge.

BESTAUNTB · 13/01/2025 15:49

I don’t know anyone who’s done this. But I would be happy to go to a lovely party and buy a present … though I’d be wondering who cheated tbh.

Itstime1 · 13/01/2025 15:49

I don’t agree but that’s because we’re planning our own vow renewal for our 10 year anniversary. It’s our way of getting the wedding we originally wanted! 😂

It will be just us and our DD though, no one else and we won’t tell people. Just have some pictures after it to share. We are in a very happy and committed marriage and have even tossed around some fun ideas for if we are lucky to hit 20 years (tomorrow is never for certain).

We have also said if we get to Vegas any time soon we will get re married there as well for fun! Life is for living and celebrating ❤it’s not always doom and gloom for a vow renewal, sometimes people just want to celebrate as a couple again.

RockOrAHardplace · 13/01/2025 15:50

I would love a vow renewal as I feel as strongly today as I did when we married but realistically speaking I have other financial priorities but if I suddenly acquired the cash. I would have a vow renewal somewhere warm and exotic and take my family with me.

I have had two couples that I know do this, one after 10 years of marriage they went off to get remarried in the little White Chapel in Vegas, really tacky but sooo much fun. And one couple whose family organised it as a surprise for their 40th wedding anniversary.

TheFunHare · 13/01/2025 15:51

It wouldn't be for me but I'd happily attend a friend's. Any excuse for a party and free bar!

LinnettdeBelleforte · 13/01/2025 15:52

I totally agree with you. I'm reminded of Seal and Heidi Klum who renewed their vows every year until the year they divorced! I find vow renewals tacky and the sort of thing that Kardashian like celebrities and influencers do.

Unorganisedchaos2 · 13/01/2025 15:55

A relative had a blessing on their marriage when their DD was being baptised, they had tried for years and had rounds of IVF to conceive, and obviously it took it's toll, the priest did it in a way that it was almost part of the service and he was blessing them for the next part of their lives with the much wanted baby. It was really lovely.

Not a huge fan otherwise, I love milestone anniversary parties though

Dueanamechange2025 · 13/01/2025 15:55

We thought about it for our 20th Anniversary, my main reason was so I could have my children involved in the day and have some lovely refreshed wedding / family photos but in the end decided it wasn't worth it. Wouldn't have been extended beyond immediate family though (and no affairs to my knowledge, that would be divorce not renewing vows!)

TooManyChristmasCards · 13/01/2025 15:56

If you are having a big do and inviting everyone to have a faux wedding day then it is kind of cringy and attention seeking.

bitter much? 😂

Technically anyone getting married elsewhere than a registry office with only the witnesses required by law is attention seeking.

What a way to enjoy life hey.

I completely understand when people don't care about something, or can't be bothered to attend. However, I would love to know why others are so bitter, jealous and judgemental against others. There must be a story there somewhere.

misssultana · 13/01/2025 15:57

TooManyChristmasCards · 13/01/2025 15:56

If you are having a big do and inviting everyone to have a faux wedding day then it is kind of cringy and attention seeking.

bitter much? 😂

Technically anyone getting married elsewhere than a registry office with only the witnesses required by law is attention seeking.

What a way to enjoy life hey.

I completely understand when people don't care about something, or can't be bothered to attend. However, I would love to know why others are so bitter, jealous and judgemental against others. There must be a story there somewhere.

Well not bitter but fed up of being invited to these sham weddings.

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SwingTheMonkey · 13/01/2025 15:57

TooManyChristmasCards · 13/01/2025 15:56

If you are having a big do and inviting everyone to have a faux wedding day then it is kind of cringy and attention seeking.

bitter much? 😂

Technically anyone getting married elsewhere than a registry office with only the witnesses required by law is attention seeking.

What a way to enjoy life hey.

I completely understand when people don't care about something, or can't be bothered to attend. However, I would love to know why others are so bitter, jealous and judgemental against others. There must be a story there somewhere.

It’s definitely an odd thing to care that much about.

misssultana · 13/01/2025 15:59

RockOrAHardplace · 13/01/2025 15:50

I would love a vow renewal as I feel as strongly today as I did when we married but realistically speaking I have other financial priorities but if I suddenly acquired the cash. I would have a vow renewal somewhere warm and exotic and take my family with me.

I have had two couples that I know do this, one after 10 years of marriage they went off to get remarried in the little White Chapel in Vegas, really tacky but sooo much fun. And one couple whose family organised it as a surprise for their 40th wedding anniversary.

If anything I love my husband even more than I did when we got married but to me it doesn't make any sense to have a vow renewal for that reason. A big party if you enjoy them fine but a vow renewal is like a disavowal of your first and real vows. If they still stand it seems pointless.

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BIossomtoes · 13/01/2025 15:59

misssultana · 13/01/2025 15:57

Well not bitter but fed up of being invited to these sham weddings.

You don’t have to go.

MferMonsterSearchingForRedemption · 13/01/2025 16:00

misssultana · 13/01/2025 15:57

Well not bitter but fed up of being invited to these sham weddings.

Why are you fed up? Just politely decline and think about it no more.

Why would you let them wind you up?

SelectedStories · 13/01/2025 16:00

LinnettdeBelleforte · 13/01/2025 15:52

I totally agree with you. I'm reminded of Seal and Heidi Klum who renewed their vows every year until the year they divorced! I find vow renewals tacky and the sort of thing that Kardashian like celebrities and influencers do.

They may well do. I wouldn't know. But it certainly also a deeply trad and old-fashioned, religious thing to do on significant wedding anniversaries for older Irish couples who wouldn't know a Kardashian from Daniel O'Donnell.

misssultana · 13/01/2025 16:00

SwingTheMonkey · 13/01/2025 15:57

It’s definitely an odd thing to care that much about.

Well its annoying when they are beginning to become a real thing, and you are expected to go and play along. Also its fine to make a post about anything, you don't need to respond.

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BlueSky2024 · 13/01/2025 16:01

misssultana · 13/01/2025 15:57

Well not bitter but fed up of being invited to these sham weddings.

I know no one in reality who has had one, what country are you located

Tiredalwaystired · 13/01/2025 16:01

Nope. My sis did this after ten years as they just fancied a massive party. They’ve now been married for 25.

TooManyChristmasCards · 13/01/2025 16:02

misssultana · 13/01/2025 15:57

Well not bitter but fed up of being invited to these sham weddings.

I bet you would be miffed if you were the only one NOT invited, and we would have a thread about that too.

misssultana · 13/01/2025 16:05

TooManyChristmasCards · 13/01/2025 16:02

I bet you would be miffed if you were the only one NOT invited, and we would have a thread about that too.

No I'd be thrilled, believe me!

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