Hubs won't get the snip!!

[241719robs]

Am I being unreasonable that my hubby wont even consider getting the snip? He just replies with 'maybe one day'.

We have children already and I am 99% DONE. My body has been through enough and mentally Im burnt out. After contraception for years, pregnancy, birth, and breastfeeding I dont want to go back on contraception or risk condoms etc. I know vasectomies are not 100% but better than me having to go through invasive procedures again. Im also late for my period and after 2 negative pregnancy tests Ive explained how unfair it is for me to be worrying about this every month. He basically ignored me as he knew what I was getting at.

Am I being a b*tch? Hes not had to go through anything physically and its not like I’m asking him to chop his bits off 🥲

This is untrue. No form of contraception is 100% effective. It is perfectly possible for it to "fail" even when being used in the prescribed manner 🤦‍♂️

I think it's perfectly fine not to want it. I wouldn't if I were a man, same as I won't get my tubes tied. But you're also of course entitled to not hormonal use contraception (I don't use it either, don't like the effects). Condoms and some planning should be fine.

Exactly this. ^ It pisses me right off that women are expected to put all kinds of shit into their body to prevent pregnancy, but the poor iccles menz won't have a procedure that is no worse than a filling to prevent it. As I said, typical male behaviour really: self serving and thoughtless. Most men put themselves first, the majority of the time.

I enjoy sex, but have hormonal issues that mean after 3+decades of hormonal contraception I really don't want to go back on it, and childbirth almost killed me, so if DH refused condoms or vasectomy I wouldn't have sex.

But it's not, because barrier methods are available.

So what if it was, is a pointless argument.

I agree. But it's not a stalemate, they can use contraception and then neither have to alter their bodies if they don't want to.

Luckily my husband acknowledges this and we used condoms while he was waiting for his procedure

Again ... which includes not using them each time. If you care very much about risk, then you are not going to do that, so it's irrelevant to label any one couple's use as that percentage when it is broad, includes millions of couples, some of whom are slapdash with using them at all. The % risk that matters to any one couple is how they specifically use them.

Fuck what women have to go through, and how they often wreck their bodies to give these men children eh?

Sorry, what!? Presumably these women who've 'wrecked their bodies' wanted these children!? They didn't need to do it. They wanted to.

This. ^

@241719robs What reason is your DH giving for refusing a vasectomy?

Is he worried it will make him 'less of a man?' 🙄

I don’t understand how people can say it’s controlling to refuse sex in this situation. It’s not controlling. It’s sensible.
If I regularly give someone a lift somewhere, I expect them to wear a seatbelt. If they decide they don’t want to wear a seatbelt, I’m not giving them a lift any more. That’s not me being controlling! It’s common sense. No seatbelt = risk, seatbelt = much less risk. It’s my car, and my decision on what risks are taken in it!

No snip, no sex.

It is often these men that "don't like the feel of condoms", and want sex on tap.

Are you actually kidding me right now?!

Yeah they WANTED to wreck their bodies!

Give me strength!

.

We can go round in circles all you like, but typical use is how they are typically used. If most people were atypically perfect, this statistic wouldn't need to exist.

I'm not sure what your point is? No one is saying that condoms and oral contraceptives are as effective as a vasectomy.

Condoms are not guaranteed to work.

It’s not coercive or controlling for a woman to refuse to have sex.

OP is left dealing with the fallout of a contraceptive failure, not her husband. She’s the one stressing about a late period, not him. She’s the one that would have to have an abortion, not him.

Ok fine, he doesn't get the snip but you're not having sex anymore.

Two way street.

It's his body and his choice but it would totally impact my feelings towards him that he wouldn't consider the impact on his wife.

Presumably these men who decline vasectomies and condoms want to have sex, they don't need to do it. So they can take some responsibility and not put it 100 percent on to the woman, who has been through enough, and had it all to deal with usually for years.

The point is that barrier methods are less reliable, and OP is tired of feeling anxious every month waiting for her period.

There's also the diaphragm + spermicide, or the copper IUD. Both are non-hormonal.

Spermicide is horrible for the vaginal flora. And as for having something shoved into your cervix, how is that any better or less painful than a vasectomy?

@SabreIsMyFave It's quite interesting to read this thread. The level of control people here expect to have over someone else's body has been quite an eye opener.

Has the DH refused to use condoms though? The OP says she doesn't want to rely on them which is a completely different thing from DH expecting her to take responsibility for contraception.

Condoms is your best solution here I think. That way it is his responsibility and there's no hormones or anyone having a procedure they don't want.