Hubs won't get the snip!!

[241719robs]

Am I being unreasonable that my hubby wont even consider getting the snip? He just replies with 'maybe one day'.

We have children already and I am 99% DONE. My body has been through enough and mentally Im burnt out. After contraception for years, pregnancy, birth, and breastfeeding I dont want to go back on contraception or risk condoms etc. I know vasectomies are not 100% but better than me having to go through invasive procedures again. Im also late for my period and after 2 negative pregnancy tests Ive explained how unfair it is for me to be worrying about this every month. He basically ignored me as he knew what I was getting at.

Am I being a b*tch? Hes not had to go through anything physically and its not like I’m asking him to chop his bits off 🥲

This.

Thank the heavens he doesn't have to give birth than for the family, when he presumably wanted children.

If men had to to to through child birth, they would be laid up for weeks, and I can bet my bottom dollar that they would get far better hospital treatment too.

My husband won't either; and I'd never make him to or make him feel bad for that choice. It's his body.

We use condoms! And we are both happy with that decision as we do not want children.

No, of course you're not being a bitch @241719robs but he is. It's always women that have to go through invasive and uncomfortable things like pregnancy, childbirth, and having cervical smears, and having coils inserted - and they have to pump chemicals into their bodies via the pill or the contraceptive implant! Men have to do NOTHING!

It's time for your husband to step up now and get a snip. If I were you, I would suggest that he's saving his sperm/balls/fertility for somebody else in the future. I would ask him. Say 'do you think we're going to split up? Is that why you don't want to do it?' If he says no, (which he will,) and he's just insistent he's just not going to do it yet, I would completely 100% deprive him of sex (until he gets the snip.)

That's it. I don't care what anyone says or how petty or mean it is. No sex unless he gets the snip. Some men won't get the snip, because they feel it's too invasive, and will make him less of a man. Fuck what women have to go through, and how they often wreck their bodies to give these men children eh?

Just a typical man really. Selfish, thoughtless, and self-serving. It's how they're raised. (Sadly.)

'His body his choice' some posters cry. Well your body YOUR choice @241719robs and your husband doesn't get near it until he has a vasectomy. If he doesn't like it and he doesn't want to be in a marriage with no sex, he can fuck off and find some other mug who will put up with having to prevent pregnancies herself!

And fuck condoms, they are not reliable enough. Not to use on a regular basis/inside a marriage.

.

I think an excuse like that would give me ED. So lose lose.

Therefore, you could say "No more PIV sex - there are other things we can do that are 100% effective in preventing pregnancy'. If he's unhappy with that, he has a choice to make.

If a man told me what to do with my body I would leave

Use condoms

Well, no sex or not staying the marriage. Or using condoms.

I'm a woman, and I most certainly wouldn't stay in a marriage where I was forced into the choice between unwanted surgery or no sex. I wouldn't expect any man to either.

@KhakiShaker does your DP understand what a vasectomy is? It is simply cutting the tube through which the sperm travel. That’s all. No effect on hormones, nerves or erectile tissue. And also men who have had vasectomies still produce fluid when they ejaculate. It just doesn’t contain sperm. It’s like closing a road between 2 villages - the villages stay exactly the same, it’s just the road between them that’s closed! I know you’re happy with your arrangement, but I think it’s worth you explaining to your DP the truth of vasectomies, in case anything changes.

@mrsm43s what if it was a choice between unwanted hormones or no sex?

No one has said they are 100% effective. They are however 'extremely effective'. People can get pregnant on any contraceptive.

But it's still a medical procedure on his body. I don't know what part of this people are struggling with...

This.

'Typical' use includes not using them every time you have sex – which is dumb by anyone's standards, and you most certainly don't care about an 'oops' pregnancy if you are treating any contraceptive like that. Used properly, every time, they are 98% effective.

But @mrsm43s - your argument applies to him too! He is currently 'forcing' her to take hormones she doesn't want to, so that they can have sex. Why should she stay in a marriage where the man forces her to take things she doesn't want in her body otherwise he'll withhold sex.

I told my husband if he did not get the snip we were never having sex again. He got the snip.

We always used condoms ( and never had a pregnancy alarm in more than 15 years) until my DH decided vasectomy was best option for himself and us both…OP@241719robs try to find out if any of his male friends or family have had one, sometimes some good experiences from a close friend can help persuade someone !

@Jumpingthruhoops I don’t think anyone is disputing that fact that it’s a medical procedure. But so is giving birth, or terminating a pregnancy. And if an accidental pregnancy occurs, women are obliged (unless they miscarry) to go through one of those procedures. Why is that a perfectly acceptable outcome, but a man having a procedure isn’t?

Typical use is how they are typically used. Most people are not perfect all the time. If you are, then good for you.

That's why I ended up with DD.

'Vasectomy is one of the most effective forms of birth control. In the first year after a man has a vasectomy, a few couples will still get pregnant. But the number is far lower than the rates of pregnancy among couples using condoms or oral contraceptive pills.18 Feb 2022'

Nobody is struggling with this.

This expression boils my piss. If she decides no sex until it’s safe, she’s not withholding anything. You can only withhold something from somebody that belongs to them. Her body doesn't belong to him. He’s choosing to exercise his right over his body and so is she. They both need to agree how to resolve this so that both are happy.

I think he should not have the snip and should leave you for your calling him hubs and hubby.

What that amounts to is that you wouldn’t stay in a marriage where you were obliged to take responsibility for contraception.

You can leave and see if you can find someone else who will take responsibility for contraception, but that’s assuming you can find someone who wants to have sex with you at all.