Hubs won't get the snip!!

[241719robs]

Am I being unreasonable that my hubby wont even consider getting the snip? He just replies with 'maybe one day'.

We have children already and I am 99% DONE. My body has been through enough and mentally Im burnt out. After contraception for years, pregnancy, birth, and breastfeeding I dont want to go back on contraception or risk condoms etc. I know vasectomies are not 100% but better than me having to go through invasive procedures again. Im also late for my period and after 2 negative pregnancy tests Ive explained how unfair it is for me to be worrying about this every month. He basically ignored me as he knew what I was getting at.

Am I being a b*tch? Hes not had to go through anything physically and its not like I’m asking him to chop his bits off 🥲

I disagree.

It's coercive to essentially force women to take responsibility for contraception. A woman absolutely has the right to choose not to have sex without needing to justify it in any way.

Going round in circles because you're not taking into account broad-scale risk assessment as opposed to small-scale risk assessment. If you care about not getting pregnant, you aren't going to use them in the manner of 'typically' – you are going to use them 'correctly', which is 98% effective.

You can't force him into having the snip, no more than he can force you to have a hysterectomy. It's a case of using condoms, not having sex or you having a hysterectomy. My husband had the snip, as I could no longer use hormone based contraception, and my body had been through so much being seriously ill and child birth. I was terrified of becoming pregnant. Not all men are willing to have the snip.

Respectfully, this is nonsense. If a woman can apparently 'withhold sex' until her DH agrees to the snip, presumably she can 'withhold sex' until he agrees to wear a condom?

I think telling your sexual partner that no form of contraception is acceptable and only sterilisation /vasectomy will do is pretty controlling tbh. If my husband had said that to me I'd find it quite coercive tbh.

Sit down together with a pen and paper. Write down all the forms of birth control you can think of. Make sure that abstinence is on the list, preferably at the top. Each of you can cross out any item. Crossing out abstinence entails the end of your relationship.

Because some are saying that people can get pregnant on any contraceptive, so I was pointing out the lowest risk one.

Are you getting “sterilisation” and “hysterectomy” mixed up?

Those in a committed, loving, long term relationship are hopefully far more likely to be able to communicate with each other and use condoms effectively ( particularly where people track their cycles as well and avoid sex around ovulation ) compared to all the people who are using them for casual sex or where people do all the things they shouldn’t do before they actually put the condom on. So seeing as there isn’t a researcher sitting on everyone’s shoulder , there is most definitely need to consider effectiveness differently depending on how you and your partner choose to use them. They are a perfectly good alternative for women in long term relationships who can’t use hormonal contraception .

This picking and choosing of statistics to suit, is exactly how men weasel out of vasectomies....

Then he would be a shit father to do that to his existing children.

I agree women have the right to choose not to have sex. I disagree that it's coercive to make women partly responsible for contraception.

There's a really simple solution, use a condom.

Then there's a really bad idea filled with hypocrisy, entitlement and a level of control that would be considered utterly unacceptable if the genders were reversed. Why do people here think they are entitled to force their partner to have a medical procedure when there is a simpler, less invasive option that allows both partners to choose what to do with their own bodies?

It’s not controlling to say you will no longer take pills and assume sole responsibility for contraception.

He is free to choose to deal with that how he likes: condoms, vasectomy or no sex. OP feels condoms are too risky so he’s left with the other 2 options.

100% this! 👏👏
Who cares about 'typical' statistics? We don't want a pregnancy so we use them correctly. That others don't is not our concern.

Than she needs to avoid the selfish pr** at all costs.

It's not picking and choosing statistics – one group literally includes couples who only use them, for example, 8 times out of 10, and the other group use them 10 times out of 10.

Use them correctly, and you are covered 98% – end of.

I think a lot of men are against it incase they separate and can no longer have children with a potential future partner.
Personally I would never get my tubes tied because a partner insisted so I don’t blame them. However you’re well within in your right to only agree to sex with condoms if you no longer want to use contraception.

Because a lot of men won't use them, and put it 100% on to the woman.

@Porcuporpoise OP is saying that the level of risk involved in having sex at the moment is not something she can comfortably live with. She has every right to make her own risk assessment and act accordingly. Of course her DH can decide that he doesn't want whatever risk he perceives a vasectomy to have. That’s his choice. But why is OP’s choice seen as “controlling”, but her DH’s not?

At that point you tell the man to eff off!

You're right that wouldn't be controlling (including contraception) but that's not the choice the OP is giving her husband. Sterilisation or no sex is not reasonable though, not in a monogamous relationship.

Updated for clarty

It's not "end of" when there's a whole other statistic you are ignoring. But whatever.

What is it with these men … Hubby had it, local anaesthetic, in & out in 20 mins, no swelling, virtually no bruising, and an amusing “bollock-harness” (as we called it) he wore for a couple of days.

Nothing compared to childbirth

He's within his rights to refuse it.
You're also entitled to refuse to continue baring 100% of the responsibility.
That leaves condoms or no sex. How is that controlling or coercive? Those are literally the options that are left after respecting both parties. Why is it always up to women? He can go without sex or grow the fuck up and take responsibility for his penis.

I don't think that. I agree with bodily autonomy.

However the vast majority of women shoulder the burden of contraception and often the life changing effects of childbirth. They do more than their fair share. Including the OP it appears.

Men need to step up and take responsibility for a change.