Hubs won't get the snip!!

[241719robs]

Am I being unreasonable that my hubby wont even consider getting the snip? He just replies with 'maybe one day'.

We have children already and I am 99% DONE. My body has been through enough and mentally Im burnt out. After contraception for years, pregnancy, birth, and breastfeeding I dont want to go back on contraception or risk condoms etc. I know vasectomies are not 100% but better than me having to go through invasive procedures again. Im also late for my period and after 2 negative pregnancy tests Ive explained how unfair it is for me to be worrying about this every month. He basically ignored me as he knew what I was getting at.

Am I being a b*tch? Hes not had to go through anything physically and its not like I’m asking him to chop his bits off 🥲

It might not be invasive but it's still a painful procedure. So I reckon he's allowed to be a bit 'selfish'.

What so people should be having sex under circumstances they're not comfortable with because if they don't it's coercive.
I'd say that argument is in itself coercive.
You can't be uncomfortable with the fact that there may be consequences for you and not me and not have sex with me cause that would be controlling.
What the fuck.

That's exactly what it is, IMO.

We agreed this before our first DC was. He saw the toll it took on me. DH's was booked in whilst I was pregnant with DC3. I think it's a lost cause if he's saying no. The only thing is for you to get it done or go back on contraception.

There are some batshit responses on here.

Co-ercive contril?!?
Withholding sex?!?

How?

The op is simply saying she doesn't want to get pregnant and she doesn't want to take birth control any more.

Which is absolutely her choice.

She isn't remotely saying no sex, and actually for those that think this is, that's actually worryingly misogynistic, with the implication being that the man is entitled to make a women risk pregnancy and hormones as she owes him sex.

It's also his choice.

If neither want to, then no sex is the only option available.

Vasectomies are reversible.

Condoms would be the compromise. But, like most contraception, they are only as reliable as the person using them.

Abstinence is a form of contraception. If the OP doesn't want to take hormones, and her husband doesn't want to get the snip, then all that's left is condoms and abstinence. Nobody is "withholding" anything.

There's also the diaphragm + spermicide, or the copper IUD. Both are non-hormonal.

So much for "my body my choice".

Simples.

How are so many people confused about this.

Nature will use your sex desires to make babies.

If this is not wanted you have to stop the conception.

If nobody agrees to any of the methods available you either don't have sex or you get babies.

If contraception and pregnancy fuck up your body, it is perfectly understandable that you should abstain from sex.

Abstenance from an activity that will cause you harm cannot be equated to withholding the fun activity of sex cos you intend to bend your partner to your will.

FFS.

Discussions on withdrawing sex as a threat, is deflecting from the issue. Maybe OP likes sex too and would like to continue having it! (if not she has different problems!)

The issue is a communication one and the answer is not ultimations - it is listening and respecting each others perspectives and coming up with a mutually agreeable solution. Something a couple who has a LTR, married and at least a couple of kids should be more than capable of having.

He can either get the snip or take responsibility for the purchase and use of condoms. That seems fair.

You can’t make him do anything to his own body but you can place the ball firmly in his court (as it were 😁)

as a side note, my DP had a vasectomy last year. He was fine within two days and has said it actually made his orgasms more intense, so maybe lead with that angle…

To those that (can't) think that the op is withholding sex by saying she doesn't want to take contraception any more. Surely he is therefore also withholding sex from her by saying he won't have the snip. His not doing anything is saying to her 'you take the hormones or else I won't have sex with you.'

You don't get to pull the "I went through hormonal contraception/pregnancy/birth card", as you freely made those choices.

Bullshit. There is never freedom of choice stopping a pregancy when a man refuses to take responsibility when he has sex. He knows full well that even a condom is not completely safe, and most men hate condoms anyway.

Contraception for women has been researched for years by pharmaceuticals, while the research stopped for the male contraceptive pill. The reason? Pharma knew males wouldn't take it.

The OP gets to decide what she wants to do with her body after years of contraception. She's not in a casual relationship, she's married to a DH who should care about her health. This is 2025, not 1950s.

Only by someone who held coercive and controlling views about sex in the first place. Ejaculating in a vagina isn't an entitlement.

That means you already don't have much of a relationship. It doesn't look like your husband cares very much about you to begin with.

My DHs response to my suggestion he has the ship was “I don’t really like the idea of it” I said I didn’t really like the idea of 18 months of pregnancy, months of morning sickness, pelvic pain for weeks, one traumatic labour, a vaginal tear, an episiotomy, one electric c section, years and years of breastfeeding and co sleeping, 2x mastitis, but I done it for our family and he will do this for me so I don’t have to endure any of it again and he wont be welcome in my bed until he agrees. He quickly got on the waiting list.

Well said @Blanketpolicy this whole side issue is an accusation that can't be allowed to hang unchallenged.

But his stone walling of the joint issue because he's 'not my problem' is the main issue.

And that her problems are 'nothing to do with me mate' to him is a massive issue for op.

My DPhas said no to the snip as he’s nervous he will affect him psychologically and he may end up with ED. I understand this so wont ask him again, it’s up to him. I guess the difference is that I don’t mind the coil. He needs to talk about it with you though and explain what his reasons are or you’ll end up with resentment.

He can either get the snip or take responsibility for the purchase and use of condoms.

Do grown ups actually have conversations like that? 🤔

Quite. If an orgasm is what you want there is wanking.

If you want to enjoy sensual pleasure with your partner and bond with her physically and emotionally then you need to understand she's a living thing and not a sex doll.

We completed our family years ago. Partner and i discussed things and agreed that whilst i had taken control of birth control for decades (Condoms and pill) it was his turn. He gladly went to the docs and asked for the snip. Docs were concerned about his younger age but he told them he had zero interest in any more children regardless of his relationship to me. He had it carried out a few weeks later under aesthetic. He has a huge medical phobia so this was his only stipulation.

In his words it is more painful stubbing a toe on a chair leg than getting it done and he really appreciates that i dont need to put any more pills in my body for the sake of us enjoying ourselves. Its been over 15 years now.

Agree re condoms... the key words being 'when used properly'. I'd wager there are a lot of men who don't actually know what they're doing with them (too big, too small, too thin, too gung ho LOL!) But for those that do, they're very effective.

Well it's true.

But that style of conversation is only necessary if you are married to a manchild.