Hubs won't get the snip!!

[241719robs]

Am I being unreasonable that my hubby wont even consider getting the snip? He just replies with 'maybe one day'.

We have children already and I am 99% DONE. My body has been through enough and mentally Im burnt out. After contraception for years, pregnancy, birth, and breastfeeding I dont want to go back on contraception or risk condoms etc. I know vasectomies are not 100% but better than me having to go through invasive procedures again. Im also late for my period and after 2 negative pregnancy tests Ive explained how unfair it is for me to be worrying about this every month. He basically ignored me as he knew what I was getting at.

Am I being a b*tch? Hes not had to go through anything physically and its not like I’m asking him to chop his bits off 🥲

If this was reversed there would (rightly) be uproar at a man moaning his missus wouldn't take responsibility for contraception. He has the right to decide about his body just like you have the right to decide about your body, therefore you can decide that your sex life no longer includes his penis entering your vagina

I’m in a similar position with my husband although he was the one that suggested it whilst I was pregnant. He went to the initial appointment and had a telephone call. He then got a letter to book, then a reminder. I was going to organise the appointment but he needed info from the original which he apparently had lost!! Not sorted it since. So it’s condoms or no sex.

The pill and other contraceptives causes my depression to worsen so I will not be going back on it.

This reverse nonsense keeps getting repeated, but there can't be a reverse because men can't get pregnant. False equivalency. The risks, nor consequences can never be the same.

Exactly this, and can't the man's sperm be extracted after a vasectomy, if he does trade his wife in for a younger model at 45?

And if it truly was reversed in all senses of the word - men carried babies with all that entails and were largely responsible for contraception that often had horrible effects on their mind and body, of course there wouldn’t be uproar if a man came on saying his wife wouldn’t take responsibility for contraception.
There seems to be this idea that it’s simply because we’re talking about a man that women have responded as they have.

I'm saying a lot of people use incorrectly. Wrong size, out of date, put on too late, put on wrong, stored at wrong temperature or in a pocket or bag alongside things that could damage them such as keys, opened with teeth or nails, not taken off quick enough, even reused.

Most splits etc are user error. But it's bad to say 'condoms don't work' because they do, humans are just bad at using them. I don't want to teach my teenagers condoms don't work well. I want to teach them that they work, but only when used correctly and it's a lot of work to use them correctly. So if they are used by them as contraception they're aware of how to protect themselves properly.

I trust my DH with condoms and taking using them seriously. He is militant in taking off, washing hands etc. Always kept in a box to protect them, date always checked. Doesn't line up with a spontaneous one night stand with alcohol involved and someone you likely barely know. Doesn't line up with a guy that thinks a condom is a condom and will be fine.

Honestly I was thinking that as I wrote it and changed it to contraception from hysterectomy as I agree a vasectomy and a hysterectomy are not at all comparable. I stand by it being his body his choice though just like its OPs choice not to have penetrative sex to avoid pregnancy risk

My point stands. My body, my choice always. But reversing the sex changes the question being asked. A reverse is impossible.

You are being unreasonable. I know someone who got a blocked duct after vasectomy and it's been a painful and embarrassing journey that no one seems to be able to fix. When my mum got her tubes tied it went wrong and she ended up with gangrene in one of her tubes and almost died. No surgery is without risk and it's frightening that so many people can't manage their contraception without surgery these days. This idea that because as women we have babies we are entitled to force vasectomies on our husband is ridiculous - of course we have to carry the babies we are women. Doesn't mean we get to bully them in to unwanted operations because of it. Get some condoms FFS.

Oh god, not this merry-go-round again!

I chose to have a vasectomy and my wife supported it.

Up to then we used Condoms - both our responsibility. Whilst I have the opinion that I need to take some personal responsibility in our marriage in regards to this. It was mainly my decision and I had no pressure/questions from my wife.

i wasn’t nervous or bothered about it, however I have a friend who is terrified and putting it off, so I understand why he may be nervous.

It works both ways though - isn’t asking someone to risk pregnancy (something they don’t want to do to their body) the flip side of the same argument?

it's frightening that so many people can't manage their contraception without surgery these days.

What a bizarre and rather stupid thing to say.

Then your concern is not so much that he doesn’t want the snip but more that he isn’t bothered with the « no sex » then…

Yes.

It isn’t controlling only one way and not the other. If the responsibility is solely on women for everything related to making children then this is the real coerced and controlled situation.

I'm of the opinion that the person who is dead set on no more children is the one to get their tubes/balls snipped.
Him in doors said he was definitely done, so I told him that he is to do something about it, not me. He went and had the snip. If I knew for certain I didn't want anymore I would have had my tubes tied. But I wasn't willing to go back on the pill so he didn't have to worry about pregnancy.

After 3 children and then a pregnancy scare ( I was 35) I decided to get sterilised because I didn’t want any more children , my choice not his and I thought if anything happened to me then he would be free to start again
I found the op very simple ..day surgery op then home in the afternoon, no side effects apart from a few pains like period pains & one day off work. It shouldn’t always be the man just because it’s easiest.

His body, his choice. 😀

I haven't read all the replies so forgive me if it's already been mentioned but how about the coil?

Have you actually had a discussion about this or just expecting him to fall in with your plans?
dont expect it to be a simple thing , it’s intrusive and painful after having it done and the world knows about it. Apart from walking round like you’ve been kicked in the balls, you have to be careful about infection, and you won’t be having any nookie for a while.
apart from that it changes sex for a man and it’s never the same again for them, and that’s only when they admit it to you.
have a good talk and sort out what’s best for you both

There’s a book called Ejaculate Responsibly.
He should read it.

In fact all men + boys should.
It’s not complicated.

My dp went to the doctor to enquire about getting the snip as he has seen the effect hormonal contraception has on me. The doctor said she wouldn't consider it. Her reasoning was what would happen if one of your children has an accident and you need to REPLACE them! Her exact words.

I’m currently in this situation and we’ve not had sex since youngest was born only 5 months old. I have family history of blood clots so contraception is not something I’m going to go back on. We did the condoms but we ended up with no3 that way ans no4 is definitely not happening!

Are you speaking from experience?