Hubs won't get the snip!!

[241719robs]

Am I being unreasonable that my hubby wont even consider getting the snip? He just replies with 'maybe one day'.

We have children already and I am 99% DONE. My body has been through enough and mentally Im burnt out. After contraception for years, pregnancy, birth, and breastfeeding I dont want to go back on contraception or risk condoms etc. I know vasectomies are not 100% but better than me having to go through invasive procedures again. Im also late for my period and after 2 negative pregnancy tests Ive explained how unfair it is for me to be worrying about this every month. He basically ignored me as he knew what I was getting at.

Am I being a b*tch? Hes not had to go through anything physically and its not like I’m asking him to chop his bits off 🥲

Yes you're choosing to be on this thread?

@Choccyscofffy - I can work out what it is thank you. I just don't understand why an adult would.

You don’t understand why adults use contractions?

That's right

Durex (other brands are available!) would have the biggest lawsuits filed against it if this was a systematic problem. You're clutching at straws I'm afraid. If used correctly, condoms are perfectly safe.

Condoms tear. Like any product - they are not infallible. Condoms are made of a stretchy / thin material that can, and does, accidentally rip. And not infrequently. That’s a significant part of why NHS data on “real world” use of condoms advises that 1 in 5 couples using this method will get pregnant within a year.

@Choccyscofffy - it's not strictly a contraction. It's a cutesy little word.

It’s a contraction of husband.

The copper coil gave me such bad anemia i had to have a ferritin transfusion, and I had extremely painful periods

In several years of condoms never once had one split. Did however purchase several different brands and sizes online to find the best fit we then bought more of, and only ever used in date ones.

Condoms split or fall off when old or ill-fitting. 99% of time if one splits it is user error.

Look it really doesn’t matter if you want to call it “user error” or not. The fact is, with the best of intentions, condoms do rip/ tear. People who absolutely do not want/ intend to get pregnant , get pregnant using condoms through accident. It happens at a fairly high frequency. That’s why OP does not want to take the risk. That is her risk assessment and choice to make.

His body his choice is true. But doesn't mean that choice is without judgement and upset for the woman as the consequences of his choice falls on them.

Of course you can say no to the snip, but then the wife is perfectly entitled to feel that this decision shows no appreciation for the hardship she has put her body through, and shows no sense of responsibility to the family, her physical health and well being. Ultimately it's fair to label him selfish and inconsiderate for this decision due the impact it has on her, and the disregard it shows for everything she has been through physically for him and the family.

To me, unless the couple are content having a marriage with 0 penetrative sex, or using barrier methods, but lets face it, its usually the men resistant to this, not women. It's like a husband being given the option "you can take one big punch to the face or you can watch your wife get punched in the face month after month" and him chosing the latter, by watching her suffer through years of hormonal contraception or pregnancy scares, abortions etc when he could take on his share of responsibility.

I don't except 'what if he wants a second family' as a valid reason, yuck.

To those saying there are other forms of sex not just piv. Yes true. To be honest though if I want to orgasm through masterbation I prefer to be alone with my vibrator and in comfort and peace.
No need for a partner then.

*accept

I don't except 'what if he wants a second family' as a valid reason, yuck.

yup and we have a man resident on this thread who unsurprisingly has been asserting this as the central reason not to do it.

I've heard of several instances where people claim to be using condoms but:

Man claims needs large one when doesn't and falls off midway.

Uses out of date ones had for years (their life is shorter than you think. We stopped using condoms to ttc, got pregnant second month, after birth realised most now out of date)

They used one but only put it on when close because of 'lack of feeling' (which is basically the pull out which isn't a method).

Staying afterwards with it still inside to cuddle or whatever rather than straight away taking it out, condom off and cleaning up then having a cuddle. Obviously it goes down during that time and some can leak or it can come off.

My favourite was a friend that only had 1 so they washed it out and reused (ah teenage hubris).

Condoms are very safe. People are the ones not using them properly. Saying 'best of intentions' and 'accident' doesn't cover it. It's like someone going to GP to get the pill and forgetting to take one every few days. It's not really an accident if you're forgetting to take them.

I say hubby. I really can't see what's wrong with it.

I bet these posters who go off on one about 'hubs' and 'hubby,' also judge people saying 'poorly' (for 'unwell,') and mom, (for mum,) The snobbery around the way some people speak on MN (from some) is a bit pathetic actually.

Anyone else think @MrPepInHisStep90 has never even had a girlfriend? 🤔

I’m sure there are people who use them incorrectly. Some people may even do it on purpose or with wilful negligence, as you are suggesting I think?
But a lot of people use condoms with the best of intentions and accidents happen. Call it “user error” if you want- it’s irrelevant - people and products are fallible.
I’ve had a condom split on me on more than one occasion. Maybe this was “user error” but it certainly wasn’t one I was aware of.
I have a friend who got pregnant from a one night stand age 23 from a split condom. Again, It certainly was not in any way deliberate on either part.

It's unfair to say OPs husband does not show appreciation without the OP providing further details. How do we know he isn't a good partner who simply doesn't want to have a vasectomy?

They obviously have a failure rate. No manufacturing process is 100% perfect.

A good partner engages in mature discussion on important topics.

Almost exclusively when used incorrectly. Used correctly they're over 99% effective. If someone missed a few contraceptive pills in the packet and got pregnant, they may go 'ooops, accidentally got pregnant on the pill' but they didn't. They got pregnant because they weren't taking their pill properly.

Same with condoms. If you're tearing into the packet with nails or teeth, putting on incorrectly, wrong size, putting on after penis already been inside, not cleaning up properly after, use out of date, stored wrong (temperature, in a pocket or wallet with sharp objects that can puncture) ... well you weren't using them right.

Using condoms properly takes proper care and commitment many don't take seriously.

Has OP divulged enough information within their three posts to infer he has not engaged in detail?