Hubs won't get the snip!!

[241719robs]

Am I being unreasonable that my hubby wont even consider getting the snip? He just replies with 'maybe one day'.

We have children already and I am 99% DONE. My body has been through enough and mentally Im burnt out. After contraception for years, pregnancy, birth, and breastfeeding I dont want to go back on contraception or risk condoms etc. I know vasectomies are not 100% but better than me having to go through invasive procedures again. Im also late for my period and after 2 negative pregnancy tests Ive explained how unfair it is for me to be worrying about this every month. He basically ignored me as he knew what I was getting at.

Am I being a b*tch? Hes not had to go through anything physically and its not like I’m asking him to chop his bits off 🥲

People can change their mind

The biggest dickhead response ever to say to a person who has decided not to have children!

That's a rather different situation though, isn't it? Neither vasectomy nor tubal ligation is a good idea for anyone who thinks they might like to have further children. That isn't the case with the OP though, is it? Or at least, if it is, her DH hasn't conveyed that to her because he won't discuss it. From what the OP has posted, he just wants things to carry on the way they are, with the OP continuing to take responsibility for contraception, as she doesn't feel 'safe' using condoms. I think the OP is entitled to feel that it's his turn to step up now and abstain from sex if he doesn't.

You sound like one yourself if you think views can't change 🤡

Views can change of course. Views also can stay the exact same for an entire lifespan after being well thought out and considering all the pros, cons, effects, etc!

So the OP should struggle on, carrying the whole contraceptive burden for the years between now and the menopause, on the off chance that her DH might want further children with her or her successor(s) sometime in the future? You are so clearly a bloke!

No, the " bloke" should leave and find a partner that doesn't demand he gets his tubes tied moaning about how selfish he is for exercising body autonomy on a public forum.

Nah your husband just brainwashed you. The fact you don’t want more kids doesn’t mean that contraception has to be 100% your responsibility.

OP, it's not reasonable that he's refused to even consider it - this puts you in a position of having to risk pregnancy (18% failure rate for condoms with typical use), or not have sex again until you're no longer fertile.

That's unfair to you - you're either forced to take the risk (and deal with the possible consequences), or you're forced into choosing abstinence (which isn’t what either of you want) for god knows how long.

It'd be better if he was willing to discuss it with you - maybe not ideal, if you're at an impasse, but more reasonable.

You are so clearly a bloke!

Indeed. And he’s having a very jolly afternoon at our expense. It might be a good idea to stop pleasuring him.

Well not really as you implied the pain was permanent whereas that link does not day that. What it does say is:

”Usually light. Some cases have a negative impact on quality of life and sometimes require pain management or surgery [13].

Of course all procedures result in pain in the immediate aftermath but the way you phrased it suggested something else entirely.

The way they write frequently gives it away.

He is selfish though.

Not for not wanting to have a vasectomy but wanting to place 100% of the physical risks of a avoiding pregnancy on his wife while refusing to consider sharing the load.

Of course he has bodily autonomy but he seems very dismissive of his wife’s physical health at least by avoiding having a proper conversation on the topic.

Exactly, what a ridiculous reply. Not having children isn't a flippant off the cuff on the day "ooo I think dh will have a vasectomy today." It is a well researched and thoroughly spoken about decision, that is certainly not taken lightly.

When Dh went for his vasectomy, he said they grilled him a little about whether he would want any more, so they do interview as well before they sign men up. He was a little annoyed because they asked him what would happen basically if something happened to one of our dcs, and we couldn't have another. He said of course our dcs are irreplaceable and that situation would not want me make another child, my wife has been through enough, I don't want any more, we are happy with the dcs we have etc. Some of these men are around 40 with 2/3 dcs ffs.

And yet he went on to have more children with someone else…

There's a recent thread on mortality rates of c section vs vaginal births (https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/childbirth/5247872-mortality-rate-of-a-c-section?page=1). C section was 1 in 4200. Vaginal birth 1 in 25000. Tubal ligation 1 in 50,000. Do you know what the mortality rate of a vasectomy is? 0. No recorded deaths attributed.

Hormonal contraception linked to cancer risks, strokes. 50% of women experience birth injuries, many life-long. Vasectomy? Small risk of infection and treatable pain.

If he doesn't want that risk that's fine. But he also has to understand that she would be risking far more having sex with him without him having it done and understand her refusal to do it.

How on earth can you possibly come to the conclusion that he brainwashed me from what I said?

But OP isn’t comfortable with the higher risk of barrier methods. She isn’t comfortable because of the risk an unwanted pregnancy would pose to her body and health.

What is there to discuss? He doesn't want a medical procedure done to his body? I don't want it done would probably be the extent of the conversation as OP can't force him.

That reads like you are saying because the OP is uncomfortable with the options of barrier methods her husband should make himself uncomfortable, pose risks to his body and health and have a vasectomy he doesn’t want.

It just doesn’t work like that in real life.

And like other posters I’m damn certain if this woman was posting that her DH didn’t want anymore children and was forcing her to have her tubes tied there would be uproar.

A discussion should still be had. About the possibility of a vasectomy, his concerns, her concerns, alternative courses of action. Discussion =/= being frogmarched into the operating room. Mature, open minded discussion shouldn't be beyond a reasonable adult.

The issue is that op's dh hasn't entertained a discussion on a vasectomy, and what it entails regarding procedure, risks, recovery, reasons he doesn't want it at the moment. I took it as though he basically just wasn't even entertaining the conversation, and is expecting what op feels is inadequately protected sex in the meantime. It felt as though her dh was shirking it tbh, and hoping it'll not come up again.

My DH always said he wouldn’t get the snip. Not because he thought he might want more kids. We agreed we were done after the 2nd. Yes it irked me a little that the responsibility lay with me to sort contraception. I genuinely think now that he was terrified after his mates scaring him with some “horror stories”. In the end I just stayed on hormonal contraception which wasn’t a massive issue for me but I understand that this isn’t an option for some women