Page 23 | Hubs won't get the snip!!

241719robs · 2025-01-13T09:20:46+00:00

Am I being unreasonable that my hubby wont even consider getting the snip? He just replies with 'maybe one day'. We have children already and I am 99% DONE. My body has been through enough and mentally Im burnt out. After contraception for years, pregnancy, birth, and breastfeeding I dont want to go back on contraception or risk condoms etc. I know vasectomies are not 100% but better than me having to go through invasive procedures again. Im also late for my period and after 2 negative pregnancy tests Ive explained how unfair it is for me to be worrying about this every month. He basically ignored me as he knew what I was getting at. Am I being a b*tch? Hes not had to go through anything physically and its not like I’m asking him to chop his bits off 🥲

OneTealBalonz · 13/01/2025 16:18

Mirabai · 13/01/2025 16:16

This is really screwed up. OP is not asking her DH to have the snip to satisfy her but because she has borne the brunt of contraception for the whole relationship and now she wants a break and for him to step up.

Men are more than happy to ask women to have their baby, “allow” them not to wear a condom, come inside them etc. So asking your husband to take responsibility of contraception is completely fair. If he doesn’t want to that is fair too.

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The condom issue is irrelevant, she has every right to insist he wears them or doesn't have sex. Stop conflating two issues

YankeeDad · 13/01/2025 16:18

JHound · 13/01/2025 16:02

Speaking of accurate information….what’s the source for your “up to 10%” claim?

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I don’t remember where I saw the 10% figure but this one from the US National Institutes of Health says 1%-14% get PVPS. So I could have written “up to 14%.”

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC8255399/

Review of Vasectomy Complications and Safety Concerns - PMC

Vasectomy is a simple, safe, effective, and economical method used worldwide for long-term male contraception. As a surgical operation, it has short-term and long-term complications such as hematoma formation, infection, sterilization failure, sperm .....

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC8255399

OneTealBalonz · 13/01/2025 16:19

BIossomtoes · 13/01/2025 16:17

His wife doesn’t so yes it is an issue.

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Maybe they should separate then

EightChalk · 13/01/2025 16:19

OneTealBalonz · 13/01/2025 16:12

Doesn't matter what the risks are or how low they are, they are there. The idea any male should have to take even a 0.1% risk to have his genitals cut open to satisfy an angry feminist is ridiculous. If the roles were reversed, and a man said " please have this procedure with small risks" if you don't you are a selfish bitch not one woman would agree with the view. He doesn't want surgery and it doesn't matter what the usual collection of angry characters demand or not - this isn't a sci fi film

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Hyperbole about sci-fi and man-hating aside, this man is in a relationship. His choice does not just affect him, and his wife has borne their children, a huge risk. The reproductive burden on women is heavier; that's life. Vasectomy, a minor procedure (and stop all this childish "getting cut open" stuff - do you describe all anaesthetised medical procedures in such an emotive way?), means that he can take on a TINY proportion of the risk and pain that she has had to deal with already since puberty, so that they can both continue to have a good relationship and sex life. This is not about punishing him or wanting him to get chopped open or whatever ridiculous terminology you want to use, and I suspect you are being disingenuous on purpose to derail the discussion.

Groundhogday2025 · 13/01/2025 16:20

NorthernGirl1981 · 13/01/2025 10:48

He didn’t go off and have it done behind my back!

After months of me talking about having another baby (pretending I wanted one) we sat down together and he explained that me making him think about having another baby only made him realise how much he didn’t want another and he said it also made him see how much he didn’t want to risk a pregnancy. I told him I understood why he felt like that and he said that perhaps getting a vasectomy was the best option. I nodded along and told him I respected his feelings on the matter and that if he really didn’t want another baby then I would support him in his decision to be sterilised.

Of course I was annoyed with him for not going ahead and doing it when I had initially asked him, but like I said, sometimes men bury their hands in the sand about such matters, and if my approach was enough to make him think about the reality of having another baby and result in him having a vasectomy, then I was happy enough with that.

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You’re a genius.
My DH’s grandmother (sharp as a whip, god rest her) said to me the very first time I met her
“sweetie, the secret to a fulfilling marriage is making them think your ideas are theirs”
She wasn’t wrong, and you’ve absolutely mastered it.

YankeeDad · 13/01/2025 16:21

Screamingabdabz · 13/01/2025 16:17

Any man that wouldn’t step up and do this for his wife and family would lose respect from me.

Most of the (middle aged) friends and family I know have had it done. It’s a minor procedure but long term peace of mind. Men who refuse are selfish pricks and I can’t for the life of me understand the handmaids on here defending them. 🙄

No vasectomy = no further sex life.

Men who refuse are selfish pricks

and I’m glad I don’t know you. I suppose the feeling is probably mutual.

Fluufer · 13/01/2025 16:22

YankeeDad · 13/01/2025 16:18

I don’t remember where I saw the 10% figure but this one from the US National Institutes of Health says 1%-14% get PVPS. So I could have written “up to 14%.”

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC8255399/

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Did you read the whole thing? Or just that statistic?
Never mind actually, I already know the answer.

Jackiepumpkinhead · 13/01/2025 16:23

ClamPinkShell · 13/01/2025 10:00

Mine wouldn’t get the snip when I asked, we have three children, because he might want more children with someone else if we split up.

Delightful.

I’ve heard this a lot! Men don’t want to be less desirable to a new (probably younger) woman should their current relationship break up. So disgustingly selfish.

OneTealBalonz · 13/01/2025 16:24

EightChalk · 13/01/2025 16:19

Hyperbole about sci-fi and man-hating aside, this man is in a relationship. His choice does not just affect him, and his wife has borne their children, a huge risk. The reproductive burden on women is heavier; that's life. Vasectomy, a minor procedure (and stop all this childish "getting cut open" stuff - do you describe all anaesthetised medical procedures in such an emotive way?), means that he can take on a TINY proportion of the risk and pain that she has had to deal with already since puberty, so that they can both continue to have a good relationship and sex life. This is not about punishing him or wanting him to get chopped open or whatever ridiculous terminology you want to use, and I suspect you are being disingenuous on purpose to derail the discussion.

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No surgery is without risk so stop this disingenuous nonsense trivialising a surgical procedure. The man has every right not to want the risks of pain, long term fertility issues and no amount of seething or raging with your virtuous rubbish makes any difference. No human being has the right to demand another is operated on unless you have literally no sense or decency at all. The other issues you witter on about are not related - if she refuses sex or insists he wears condoms that's fine but the dystopian " have surgery" view is like something from the medieval ages.

OneTealBalonz · 13/01/2025 16:27

Jackiepumpkinhead · 13/01/2025 16:23

I’ve heard this a lot! Men don’t want to be less desirable to a new (probably younger) woman should their current relationship break up. So disgustingly selfish.

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I know, God forbid a man thinks of being of being infertile unable to have a family if his relationship breaks down by being sterilised. What a bastard!

Mirabai · 13/01/2025 16:27

OneTealBalonz · 13/01/2025 16:18

The condom issue is irrelevant, she has every right to insist he wears them or doesn't have sex. Stop conflating two issues

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You seem confused - she is entitled to ask him to take responsibility to for contraception given that she has taken it for years. She has the right to ask him to wear a condom - she also has the right to a him not to - in this case she doesn’t want him to as she thinks it’s too risky.

My second para was merely in response to this comment of yours:

If the roles were reversed, and a man said "please have this procedure with small risks

I pointed out that men ask women comparable questions all the time - please have my baby, please can I not wear a condom etc.

SwerveCity · 13/01/2025 16:29

No you can’t force him. But him refusing is selfish. Why do men have no problem with us females going through childbirth, invasive procedures and harmful contraception just so they can get their end away?

Jackiepumpkinhead · 13/01/2025 16:29

OneTealBalonz · 13/01/2025 16:27

I know, God forbid a man thinks of being of being infertile unable to have a family if his relationship breaks down by being sterilised. What a bastard!

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Are you being serious? If you are in a stable relationship why on earth would you think ‘I better not get the snip, in case I meet a 25 year old who will want kids with me’. Yes, life can change but I think it’s ruthless to think like that.

EightChalk · 13/01/2025 16:30

OneTealBalonz · 13/01/2025 16:24

No surgery is without risk so stop this disingenuous nonsense trivialising a surgical procedure. The man has every right not to want the risks of pain, long term fertility issues and no amount of seething or raging with your virtuous rubbish makes any difference. No human being has the right to demand another is operated on unless you have literally no sense or decency at all. The other issues you witter on about are not related - if she refuses sex or insists he wears condoms that's fine but the dystopian " have surgery" view is like something from the medieval ages.

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No one is trying to force him, though. They're saying they would view him differently as a result of his choice. Is that not allowed? We have to see a man refusing to undergo this small procedure which would free us from the often decades-long burden of contraception and risk of pregnancy, even after having gone through childbirth, and are not allowed to feel any differently towards him? Of course people's choices affect how their partners see them, and you can't demand that they don't.

Also, "no surgery is without risk" is meaningless. A small risk is small.

WomenInConstruction · 13/01/2025 16:30

I think @OneTealBalonz is being deliberately obtuse and enjoying the ride. Good skillz to slice and dice the arguments and conveniently ignore the bits that don't suit the chain you want to yank.

OneTealBalonz · 13/01/2025 16:31

Mirabai · 13/01/2025 16:27

You seem confused - she is entitled to ask him to take responsibility to for contraception given that she has taken it for years. She has the right to ask him to wear a condom - she also has the right to a him not to - in this case she doesn’t want him to as she thinks it’s too risky.

My second para was merely in response to this comment of yours:

If the roles were reversed, and a man said "please have this procedure with small risks

I pointed out that men ask women comparable questions all the time - please have my baby, please can I not wear a condom etc.

Edited

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You're conflating separate issues to justify a man forced to have his genitals operated on. There is no justification no matter what other nonsense you bring up about babies and condoms - it's disgusting. If the OP doesn't want children, she can refuse sex, insist on condoms or leave as he can.

EightChalk · 13/01/2025 16:31

WomenInConstruction · 13/01/2025 16:30

I think @OneTealBalonz is being deliberately obtuse and enjoying the ride. Good skillz to slice and dice the arguments and conveniently ignore the bits that don't suit the chain you want to yank.

You're absolutely right and I'm going to stop taking the bait.

OneTealBalonz · 13/01/2025 16:32

WomenInConstruction · 13/01/2025 16:30

I think @OneTealBalonz is being deliberately obtuse and enjoying the ride. Good skillz to slice and dice the arguments and conveniently ignore the bits that don't suit the chain you want to yank.

Just calling out double standards angry feminists - no enjoyment. It's an echo chamber of rage against men for the post part

OneTealBalonz · 13/01/2025 16:33

EightChalk · 13/01/2025 16:30

No one is trying to force him, though. They're saying they would view him differently as a result of his choice. Is that not allowed? We have to see a man refusing to undergo this small procedure which would free us from the often decades-long burden of contraception and risk of pregnancy, even after having gone through childbirth, and are not allowed to feel any differently towards him? Of course people's choices affect how their partners see them, and you can't demand that they don't.

Also, "no surgery is without risk" is meaningless. A small risk is small.

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A small procedure that can leave him infertile? You must be trolling

Mirabai · 13/01/2025 16:33

OneTealBalonz · 13/01/2025 16:31

You're conflating separate issues to justify a man forced to have his genitals operated on. There is no justification no matter what other nonsense you bring up about babies and condoms - it's disgusting. If the OP doesn't want children, she can refuse sex, insist on condoms or leave as he can.

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I am not conflating separate issues you just didn’t understand my two distinct points.

What is all this drama about ”forced”? No-one is forcing him to do anything.

BIossomtoes · 13/01/2025 16:34

OneTealBalonz · 13/01/2025 16:33

A small procedure that can leave him infertile? You must be trolling

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It’s designed to leave him infertile. That’s literally what it’s for.

EightChalk · 13/01/2025 16:34

OneTealBalonz · 13/01/2025 16:33

A small procedure that can leave him infertile? You must be trolling

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Ok, one more comment: yes, I'd hope so, as the point of getting a vasectomy is to become infertile! Anyway, if he decides he must continue to spread his seed in later life, sperm can be extracted - he doesn't stop making it.

OneTealBalonz · 13/01/2025 16:37

BIossomtoes · 13/01/2025 16:34

It’s designed to leave him infertile. That’s literally what it’s for.

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Permanently infertile. You realise relationships break down presumably yet a man has to be potemtially permanently mutilated or he is selfish? Get a grip

OneTealBalonz · 13/01/2025 16:38

EightChalk · 13/01/2025 16:34

Ok, one more comment: yes, I'd hope so, as the point of getting a vasectomy is to become infertile! Anyway, if he decides he must continue to spread his seed in later life, sperm can be extracted - he doesn't stop making it.

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"Decides he must continue to spread his seed" Your mask of hatred against the male species has slipped

Themaghag · 13/01/2025 16:38

OneTealBalonz · 13/01/2025 16:12

Doesn't matter what the risks are or how low they are, they are there. The idea any male should have to take even a 0.1% risk to have his genitals cut open to satisfy an angry feminist is ridiculous. If the roles were reversed, and a man said " please have this procedure with small risks" if you don't you are a selfish bitch not one woman would agree with the view. He doesn't want surgery and it doesn't matter what the usual collection of angry characters demand or not - this isn't a sci fi film

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Please explain how and why you have concluded that OP is an 'angry feminist' To me, she sounds more like a wife and mother who has absolutely had it with having to be the one who has to take solo responsibility for contraception to prevent an unwanted pregnancy, while her DH refuses to even engage in a sensible conversation about the way forward.

It also really interests me that while you feel free to use emotive terms such as 'having his genitals cut open' you don't seem to consider that the tiny incisions made during a vasectomy pale into insignificance when compared to the episiotomies, major tears and C-sections that women frequently have to undergo during childbirth.