Hubs won't get the snip!!

[241719robs]

Am I being unreasonable that my hubby wont even consider getting the snip? He just replies with 'maybe one day'.

We have children already and I am 99% DONE. My body has been through enough and mentally Im burnt out. After contraception for years, pregnancy, birth, and breastfeeding I dont want to go back on contraception or risk condoms etc. I know vasectomies are not 100% but better than me having to go through invasive procedures again. Im also late for my period and after 2 negative pregnancy tests Ive explained how unfair it is for me to be worrying about this every month. He basically ignored me as he knew what I was getting at.

Am I being a b*tch? Hes not had to go through anything physically and its not like I’m asking him to chop his bits off 🥲

No one seems to realise that marriages and relationships fail along with deaths if partners etc so a potential lifetime of infertility awaits as not all vasectomys are reversible. That's all fine apparently so " man up" 🙄

I really don't understand why the argument is raging about who has bodily autonomy here.

Both parties do!
No one is arguing they don't.

But there are people advocating that, given the circumstances, one person's option is less of a big ask than another person's, and failure to recognise that could be considered selfish.

If you want to twist that point of view into someone being pro stripping men of their autonomy, then you are manufacturing offence.

When it boils down to it, these aren't two totally separate individuals, they are a couple.
So some decisions affect both and should be taken jointly with both people reaching a mutual decision together through discussion and consideration of everything.

If a mutual decision can't be achieved, there is a stand off and the partnership is broken in this area.

That's not complicated.

Meanwhile
OP's first problem is that he won't even talk about it.

A new relationship need not include producing new children.

If a male said this to a female..

Okay … I posted the point about “up to 10%” (which is NOT the same as “10%!) because I think the risks of vasectomy should not be trivialised, but nor do they justify this sort of overboard incel-sounding bullshit.

Some of the women on these boards have takenthe sort of tone you describe, but most of them haven’t, and virtually ALL women have a legitimate gripe about the double standard that takes for granted that they will take on all sorts of physical risks relating to reproduction without making any complaint whatsoever.

Men can end up with testicular pain and then get abandoned by their partners, but women can and do die in childbirth, and can also suffer all sorts of side effects from contraception even if many of these can be stopped by ceasing to use that contraception method.

Why couldn't a man say this to a woman?

And? A growing number of women don’t want children, so for them this would be a moot point.

Who doesn't realise that.

The pros and cons for the two people on either side of this situation are not the same. That doesn't mean they can't be weighed and balanced against each other.

Doing that is not writing off the concerns of the other. It's examining the problem from all angles in an attempt to find a fair balance.

Failure of either of them to do that is invalidating...

And op's DH is doing exactly that as he won't even entertain a conversation about it.

So a man that wants children should just be happy to be infertile then?

There is nothing "incel sounding " about a man not wanting vasectomy. You sound utterly unhinged

There is no conversation to be had, he doesn't need to justify refusing surgery. That's the end of the discussion.

Speaking of accurate information….what’s the source for your “up to 10%” claim?

If you think a man saying on here " please be sterilised" to a woman because not all men may want a kid in a new relationship would be acceptable, you're certifiable. It's the usual man bashing on here and ridiculous double standards. Regardless of whether male sterilisation carries less risk than female sterilisation, the risk is there. Who the hell are you or anyone bar the man in question to demand he takes those risks? The state of the replies on here 💩

"There is no conversation to be had, he doesn't need to justify refusing surgery. That's the end of the discussion."

Ok.
And that unilateral decision will naturally create a circumstance in which op will need to make her decisions, taking into account that this option for birth control is closed and her DH is disinterested in how this affects her.

So, a man either arrives at his choices with his partner or without. But the two processes are not equal and present different considerations to his female partner.

Which is all anyone is saying.

Do you need to produce children in every single new relationship?

I'm going to agree with a PP and say that this is unsubstantiated hyperbole.

Seeing as a UK study on vasectomy complications was published in 2024 and, of 99124 patients, PVPS (the chronic pain you mention) was reported in 139 (0.14%)

The risks of a vasectomy aren't even in the same ballpark as the risks of pregnancy and birth, not to mention the hassle and risks of decades of menstruation and contraception. Like many things, because we don't live in a vacuum where all choices are equal, this is not a scenario where you can just reverse the sexes.

Doesn't matter what the risks are or how low they are, they are there. The idea any male should have to take even a 0.1% risk to have his genitals cut open to satisfy an angry feminist is ridiculous. If the roles were reversed, and a man said " please have this procedure with small risks" if you don't you are a selfish bitch not one woman would agree with the view. He doesn't want surgery and it doesn't matter what the usual collection of angry characters demand or not - this isn't a sci fi film

He’s already got children. Virtually every man who has a vasectomy has.

You're getting remarkably upset about the 'man bashing' on here @OneTealBalonz

Maybe don't visit the site if it upsets you.

People form their opinions mostly based on their life experiences. If it has ended up that a site for women has a lot of women who don't have good opinions on men, maybe consider the root cause.

So if a man said he wanted his wife to have a sterilisation which carried out the same risks ( yes we know it doesnt) and she didn't want to, you would say the same. Don't be ridiculous. You don't support body autonomy, you like many others just despise men displaying ridiculous hypocrisy and double standards. Any sane man would be looking to divorce any woman with these views - I feel sorry for the poor bugger where he either agrees to surgery or gets slated. Some vile views on here

Maybe he wants more, is that an issue?

This is really screwed up. OP is not asking her DH to have the snip to satisfy her but because she has borne the brunt of contraception for the whole relationship and now she wants a break and for him to step up.

Men are more than happy to ask women to have their baby, “allow” them not to wear a condom, come inside them etc. So asking your husband to take responsibility of contraception is completely fair. If he doesn’t want to that is fair too.

His wife doesn’t so yes it is an issue.

Any man that wouldn’t step up and do this for his wife and family would lose respect from me.

Most of the (middle aged) friends and family I know have had it done. It’s a minor procedure but long term peace of mind. Men who refuse are selfish pricks and I can’t for the life of me understand the handmaids on here defending them. 🙄

No vasectomy = no further sex life.