Hubs won't get the snip!!

[241719robs]

Am I being unreasonable that my hubby wont even consider getting the snip? He just replies with 'maybe one day'.

We have children already and I am 99% DONE. My body has been through enough and mentally Im burnt out. After contraception for years, pregnancy, birth, and breastfeeding I dont want to go back on contraception or risk condoms etc. I know vasectomies are not 100% but better than me having to go through invasive procedures again. Im also late for my period and after 2 negative pregnancy tests Ive explained how unfair it is for me to be worrying about this every month. He basically ignored me as he knew what I was getting at.

Am I being a b*tch? Hes not had to go through anything physically and its not like I’m asking him to chop his bits off 🥲

Mine was like this so I was sterilised. My sister - who is was a paediatric hospital consultant then - told me she'd had it done and it was just an out patient procedure. So I had it done . No trouble . Tiny scar in belly button and to the side where the tube went in. Recommend it really.

Plus femidoms are horrid.
Though actually, asking him to penetrate a carrier bag might encourage the snip. Maybe do give them a go.

He was actually wondering why she was so insistent.. made the appointment for him and was very controlling, he didnt want to go under the knife unless he was comfortable doing so. When she divorced him and went off with another man he was glad that he hadn't had it because she wanted him to. He was not intending either to have more children with her or anyone else at the time so was definitely not for reasons of keeping his options open.

It’s not “threat if withholding sex” to get some to do what they don’t want to.

It's just a refusal by those giving the advice (and suggested to the OP) to do anything to their own bodies that they don’t want to. Pregnancy, birth, hormonal contraception are all huge things for a woman’s body. Even the hormonal contraception that women often take for years is a bigger deal than a vasectomy.

So the suggestion is just that the woman has boundaries over her own body!

This is a bit of a ridiculous projection. I've had a child through C-section and had various allergic reactions to hormonal contraceptives and the coil. I'm well aware of the risks and impacts to our bodies, and the societical pressure on women to take the burden of reproductive unpleasantness. That said, I also don't think, 'I've suffered now you can too' towards my husband who I love. (It was my DH choice to have a vasectomy and I thought he hadn't considered the risks enough. I was right). I don't think OP should have sex if she doesn't want to, for any reason. I also don't think her husband should have to have an operation he doesn't want. If neither can compromise, the relationship is probably over. No one is being unreasonable, boundaries are allowed to be drawn around our bodies and what we will and won't tolerate. But obviously we can't have a realtionship where both of our boundaries are violated.

I'm sorry, but I have zero respect for the kind of man that would allow his partner to go through yet more intervention, when he has been through nothing. It saddens me that women wil do this as well when in a relationship where you both supposedly, don't want anymore children.

You may not think vasectomy and tubal ligation are sterilisations. The entire medical world disagrees with you though.

Disagree with the coil suggestion but apparently other reliable when combined and reasonable alternatives to someone in the relationship having a medical procedure being done to their body they don't want isn't acceptable, for some reason.

I'm not even a fan of men , generally 🤣 I personally just can't get my head around being very staunchly for bodily autonomy, but then being pissed off when someone doesnt want to do something to theirs, especially when there are perfectly fine alternatives. I know if I really pushed it with DP he'd agree, but how can I then continue to wax lyrical about "my body/my choice" when it comes to women? As it stands I mentioned it once, he didn't seem keen, that was the end of it.

Now he can't get pissy when I decide to fill my face with botox later this year 😌

Imagine if this was reversed and a male came on stating his wife wouldn't have a medical procedure which carried a significant risk of permanent infertility and a 10% chance of chronic pain to be told she was a " selfish pig" as it would be "manageable" - the responses would be unprintable.

Many decades ago there were down trodden wives, it now seems to have done 180 where if the " hubs" doesn't want his balls cut open with a scalpel he is a selfish pig etc etc . The double standards on this forum are appalling as ever but no great surprise. If there is ever an advert for men to remain single - this place is it. The lack of self awareness and complete hypocrisy is shameful.

More unsubstantiated hyperbole.

That's a long way of saying he kept his options open but it worked in your favour.

Did you miss the word could? It's an option, alongside other forms of contraception.

Personally I'd rather have my tubes tied under GA than have things stuck inside me under a local. I'd much prefer it to having a coil inserted.

My DH wouldn't have contemplated a vasectomy. Despite many pgs (2 children) I stayed on the pill until peri hit when we used other forms of contraception. My obstetrician was very clear that the pill was lower risk to an elderly multi-gravida than a pregnancy.

yeah ok, you keep saying that 🙄

I feel sorry for.your partner, he sounds like a bullied shell of a man. A selfish pig for electing not to have his body surgically altered - what a . 🤡

Not when sex can lead to a pregnancy she doesn’t want. I’d say it’s a pretty fair consequence!

My cousin's husband chose to have the snip after they had 3 children. He later had an affair and moved in with his affair partner. He had his procedure reversed and has fathered two more children.

It's neither

It is.

I believe in body autonomy, not individuals like you insulting men for not wanting to have a surgical procedure that carries risks. People like you are toxic

Well, I got pregnant when using a condom because it split, so I certainly wouldn't want to rely on condoms as my only form of birth control. Of course, there are user error issues with all forms of barrier contraception and also with the pill, so if pregnancy is an absolute no-no, it makes sense to use a combination of different methods. However. IMO if a couple feels that their family is complete, vasectomy is by far and away the most sensible option.

Exactly, this is the thing - how can you look at him and think he loves you, if he's prepared for you to go through pregnancy and childbirth, but he won't do this?

A vasectomy is also invasive surgery. It can be done under local (as can sterilisation of women), but some men need a general for anatomical reasons (positioning of vas deferens) or other medical reasons. It's just as unreasonable to insist a man has a surgical intervention as it is to insist a woman has one - especially when there are other, non invasive contraceptive options on offer.

Objectively... Just because something isn't invasive (which apart from being technically correct is also quite an emotive word) doesn't mean it doesn't affect the body. In fact plenty of non invasive contraceptive affect the body far more than invasive ones.

And none of them can guarantee no pregnancy, there is still a pregnancy risk with all of them.

There we have it then, LTB for a man not wanting a Dr to cut his scrotum open as he is a " selfish bastard". If the " hubs" is reading, my advice is ignore what amounts to bullying into surgery similar to a dystopian Sci fi horror from enraged feminists and get a divorce ASAP.

If a male posted this about his wife for " minor surgery " the thread would be in meltdown with the replies

Wow what a charmer