Hubs won't get the snip!!

[241719robs]

Am I being unreasonable that my hubby wont even consider getting the snip? He just replies with 'maybe one day'.

We have children already and I am 99% DONE. My body has been through enough and mentally Im burnt out. After contraception for years, pregnancy, birth, and breastfeeding I dont want to go back on contraception or risk condoms etc. I know vasectomies are not 100% but better than me having to go through invasive procedures again. Im also late for my period and after 2 negative pregnancy tests Ive explained how unfair it is for me to be worrying about this every month. He basically ignored me as he knew what I was getting at.

Am I being a b*tch? Hes not had to go through anything physically and its not like I’m asking him to chop his bits off 🥲

These threads piss me off…mostly because everyone seems to forget there is a perfectly respectable form of female contraceptive that’s non hormonal-the copper coil.

My DH doesn’t want the snip, his body his choice. I don’t want any more babies (he’d have another) and I don’t want hormones. I’ve had a copper coil fitted now for the best part of 12 years. No hormones, no babies.

It's just an option. If the side effects are bad it can be removed.

Totally correct. The OP can't control his but she can control hers and if the alternative is abstinence then so be it

Why should he get the snip then?

Is your name Brian? John? Peter?

Only a male can say female sterilisation isn't really intrusive, while saying vasectomy isn't risk free.

Seriously, WTF?

So what is your solution?

Just as women get infections in c sections scars, or with coils. There is always small risks, some smaller than others. It won't be long term at least for your dh; sounds like he was very unlucky.

I don't think it's simple enough to request a man to have a vasectomy. If my DH ever told me to have a hysterectomy because he's done having children. I would hit the roof. I am not going to mutilate my reproductive system. Absurd.

You haven't given a solution. Surely you are not saying the OP should continue to take hormones under duress and continue to have sex with a man who refuses to take any responsibility. What IS your solution? .

Charlotte actually and I’ve been sterilised myself.

A hysterectomy is far from equivalent. And a minor medical procedure is not mutilation.

The thing is though women can die in childbirth...
Being a bit sad because you had multiple kids but then had a messy divorce and now can't father any more as you had a vasectomy.. just isn't in the same ballpark for me.
The female contraception options are all less safe for preventing pregnancy than a vasectomy, apart from sterilisation.. and sterilisation has a lot of serious side effects.
If you are married abd have multiple children already I really think vasectomy is the safest way forward and it is totally legitimate to bring that up.
I think any married man over 30 who has multiple children should give it serious consideration. And if over 45 with multiple young children absolutely they should consider it. Because the impact on their wives if they were to fall pregnant would be severe. I can't feel sympathy for them wanting to potentially start new families... as though that's more important than the one they've got.

Nit unreasonable, but if he dies then want to that's fine. Ask him to have the male pill or use condoms.

When I decided I was done, I was sterilised. Because I was done no matter who I might have ended up having sex with in the future. My choice, my body, my responsibility. But also, my freedom from worrying, which was more than worth a small op. Local anaesthetic, keyhole surgery, home the same day for most women.

I had the copper coil and it was horrific. By far the worst contraception I've ever used. It turned inside of me and pierced me internally and was horribly painful to remove. Awful having it inserted too.. and after it had turned it was painful to have sex for a year!
Never again. Would not recommend it to anyone.

She’s stating her boundary. Why is she not allowed to say that? She’s not telling him he HAS to have a vasectomy. Just that she won’t have sex with him until he does.

How is he supposed to know under what condition his wife will have sex with him if she doesn’t communicate it?

So, if your partner requested that you have a hysterectomy, would you be okay with it?

My husband is terrified of getting me pregnant again! We are having 2 and that's it.
When this baby is born he'll be scheduling his vasectomy.
I don't want to go back on contraception after all its done to mess up my hormones over the years.
He doesn't want to wear condoms.
He's happy to take on the 'burden' for once of protecting against pregnancy.
If he wasn't willing to do this then I'd probably be telling him that sex was off the table unless he wore a condom.

Everyone up in arms for the poor men being deprived sex and manipulated unless they have the snip don't seem to have any empathy for the women who've suffered through side effects of the pill for decades.
Why is it always by default the woman who has to take responsibility for protecting against pregnancy when men have just as many options available to them. Condoms have zero long term effects if they're so against the snip! It's not manipulative to say that a man needs to protect against pregnancy before you'll have sex with them.
If you're in a long term committed relationship then long term solutions make sense and a lot of couples make decisions like this jointly for the health of the couple/family not just the individual.

People are suggesting abstinence is controlling apparently 🙄 and other forms of contraception is not as effective except for hormones and the op is done with that. Like you say. That's each persons right. She has the right to say no more hormones.

So now what? Stalemate?

I would be happy to have a hysterectomy, given a cancer scare. (Thickening of the womb lining.)

The UK wide protocols for hyperplasia state that other methods of prevention should be used first when the condition is hyperplasia without atypia, because of the risk factors associated with a hysterectomy.

ETA In other words, I'd accept a hysterectomy in order to prevent cancer, but the medics think that the risks of the op outweigh the benefit.

Good. You found a solution. Now what if like the OP the woman is done with hormones. That's her right. No one can force a women to take hormones. They cause many women problems. So no hormonal contraceptives. No snip. No condoms as the safety rate is not good enough. So what now?

I don't think it's necessary to go that far. Just make it clear that the onus is now entirely on him to sort out contraception. If women are capable of doing this then so are men. Only then, if he refuses to do so, is the more extreme measure of abstinence necessary.

And frankly if a man went off with someone else as a result of this entirely reasonable expectation, he's not worth keeping.

Sorry, I don't believe you.

I've never met a woman making light of female sterilisation which requires a couple of days in hospital even with keyhole surgery (subjected to serious complications that can develop), while stating that a vasectomy, a simple procedure done in a doctor's specialist rooms without the need for hospital is not risk free.

Requesting a hysterectomy would be absurd. The equivalent would be a tubal ligation.
I suppose the difference is, my DH wouldn't have requested it, because he isn't the type to make endless demands of my wellbeing for his willy's sake. So I don't know, because I am married to a thoroughly decent man.

Hahahaha

People trying to compare a hysterectomy with a vasectomy are off the charts fucking insane. Not even CLOSE to being the same level of medical trauma and recovery. Morons. 🤣