Hubs won't get the snip!!

[241719robs]

Am I being unreasonable that my hubby wont even consider getting the snip? He just replies with 'maybe one day'.

We have children already and I am 99% DONE. My body has been through enough and mentally Im burnt out. After contraception for years, pregnancy, birth, and breastfeeding I dont want to go back on contraception or risk condoms etc. I know vasectomies are not 100% but better than me having to go through invasive procedures again. Im also late for my period and after 2 negative pregnancy tests Ive explained how unfair it is for me to be worrying about this every month. He basically ignored me as he knew what I was getting at.

Am I being a b*tch? Hes not had to go through anything physically and its not like I’m asking him to chop his bits off 🥲

But that is 7 months on a small percentage of men? It doesn't even follow up after the 7 months either.
How long does it take to recover from birth complications? Some women are left with permanent incontinence, prolapses, nerve damage and all sorts for life. Everything carries risk, but vasectomies are the most effective birth control after the first year, low risk, and a small simple procedure that has a reactively quick recovery for most men, with OTC painkillers. What do you suggest is an alternative for me who refuse to wear condoms, or don't take responsibility to check their expiry date?

Are you seriously going there?

"Some degree of scrotal discomfort". Is that the same as "long term debilitating pain"?
That particular survey is quite flawed and 20 years old.

But there's not really many other viable options if you want kids. And there'd be hell to pay if somebody tried to force a woman to do it!

Obviously that would be a winning argument that would definitely change OP's mind. What woman wouldn't keep using hormonal contraception rather than ask her DH to have a vasectomy just in case he leaves her for another woman and wants more children with her?

I reached the same point as you. I was on the pill for years, tried the coil, injection. Had three kids. I wanted a period before menopause where my hormones were my hormones. I suggested the snip for dh but he didn't want to so we use condoms everytime.

I do think if it was men taking hormone contraceptives and enduring the side effects they would have never taken off.

It's dh choice but it does remind me that men often hold themselves to a higher value than women do.

Jumpingthruhoops

I don't get why people are struggling with the right of a woman to stop taking pills, have injections or put foreign bodies in her body to stop contraception.

A marriage is a compromise in many issues. One of them contraception. If a woman after years of subjecting her body to taking medication to stop pregnancy refuses to do so anymore, it's up to her husband to take over.

And if he doesn't want to take over, he can always sleep in the guest room and jerk off.

Request to be sterilised, sorted

Anyone saying that women 'choose' the discomfort of pregnancy and the pain of childbirth - and the stress (and sometimes discomfort) of trying to prevent pregnancy, is a victim blaming numpty

For a couple to have children, the woman has to:

Get pregnant. (Sometimes very stressful in itself for those who struggle to conceive.)

Go through 9 months of uncomfortable and sometimes miserable pregnancy (mood swings and morning sickness, and having to go to multiple scans, and have multiple blood tests, and multiple fingers up her vagina!)

Go through life threatening childbirth or c-section.

Risk having childbirth injuries.

Have her body affected/sometimes pretty much wrecked from the pregnancy and birth.

Have her career affected (most of the time.)

Suffer post natal depression (some of the time.)

Then she has to carry on taking the contraception, be that the pill, an implant, or the coil. To prevent further pregnancies.

Yes, women choose to have a child, (as a MAN does (with her.)

She does NOT choose to have to go through all of the above. ^ She HAS to go through it/suffer it, if she wants a child, and wants to stop any subsequent pregnancies later.

A man has to do NOTHING. Absolutely NOTHING. He does not have to worry about getting pregnant, or having to endure an uncomfortable pregnancy and the pain of childbirth. OR have his career affected, OR suffer birth injuries, or post natal depression So yeah, these men can get the fucking snip! Or no sex. THEIR choice!

@Jumpingthruhoops

By your way of thinking, and attitude, if a woman has severe birth injuries, and/or severe post natal depression, is that her own fault? because she CHOSE to have a baby?!

Your posts (and the few posters saying similar) are ignorant at best, and disgustingly victim-blaming at worst.

Shame on you!

I do not think it is fair to force someone into a medical procedure, sorry.
No one would say "yeah just refuse to have sex with your wife until she gets her tubes tied/hysterectomy"
I am also against hormonal contraception and wouldn't use it, there is too much risk. Similarly, your dh is entitled to make a choice about an irreversible medical procedure.

Exactly, the procedure has changed, and some men go back to work the same day.

Have heard a lot of things, but this certainly is up there. You make it sound like were getting abused by having children and being pregnant.. Victim blaming?? I did laugh a bit. Seriously. If pregnancy and childbirth sounds like that too you, don't do it.

So what should she do? Be forced into a major procedure, put chemicals in her body she doesn't want or continue worrying every month about failed condoms? Isn't that also coercive doesn't a woman have the right to refuse sex?

I have zero respect for men who won't get vasectomies after watching a female partner deal with pregnancy and childbirth, possibly also miscarriage, abortion, mastitis, c-sections, postpartum depression, etc, etc.

I don't care about the round and round arguments about choice and rights. Yeah obviously it's their RIGHT to say no to a vasectomy. But they are pathetic.

I'd have lost respect for my husband if there was even any hint that I'd need to persuade him to put himself second for once. Let alone 'force' him. Which is not something that I would ever want to do - it would feel like 'forcing' him to buy me a birthday present. If it's not done willingly then there's a much bigger problem going on.

I'm so sorry for you, OP, I hope your husband catches himself on and realises what a prick he's being.

Quite.

So you're saying women have to have sex unprotected after being through childbirth (sometimes multiple times), potential injuries, trauma, years of hormones/coil/injections and the list goes on, or female sterilisation? Meanwhile men go through nothing when it comes to birth control all of this time, and have the nerve to complain they don't like condoms, or don't bother to check the expiry, not getting enough sex etc. WTAF!!
The sooner they bring out some sort of birth control injection for these men the better, as clearly some refuse to take one iota of responsibility over the span of years.

Quite.

It's not about 'siding with the men' - most normal people don't see life as a perpetual battle of the sexes. It's about not having double standards.

Anyway, I think discussing this further is pointless for me. I believe that individuals should have body autonomy and if an agreement can't be reached then perhaps it's time to just accept you're no longer on the same page. Guilt tripping people into having unwanted medical procedures isn't the way to go IMO. The individual needs to willingly accept and agree to the risks without coercion.

Rubbish.

If he won't wear a condom then the @241719robs has every right to not risk another pregnancy by saying no more sex.

In the real world condones are 87% effective due to incorrect use and slipping off..maybe a cap and condoms is worth thinking about.

Weigh it up.

He needs to take responsibility for it now. So condoms or abstinence.

It's the opposite of double standards actually. Women are allowed to uphold their personal boundaries, even if it is at the expense of a man's sexual desires. It is that simple.

You let the hateful, snivelling bastard go off and have it, secure in the knowledge that you have dispensed with a completely useless and selfish tosser. And I bet that after having a second lot of kids, he'll be more than happy to have the snip as soon as his new partner suggests it!

Er….yes?

I would have thought clear discussion about contraception, sexual preferences, and boundaries was a pretty vital part of any adult relationship.

Slightly different for me, as I have no kids and have never wanted them so I was happy to be sterilised and would have been regardless of whether I met my husband (who has grown up children) or not.
It was a quick and simple procedure (just a few hours in hospital) and I’ve had absolutely no complications. Not saying you should do it, but just an experience of when it went well, for balance.

They can become in bedded which is very painful though.
I had the MAP exactly to instructions then I realised I was late the following month .