Hubs won't get the snip!!

[241719robs]

Am I being unreasonable that my hubby wont even consider getting the snip? He just replies with 'maybe one day'.

We have children already and I am 99% DONE. My body has been through enough and mentally Im burnt out. After contraception for years, pregnancy, birth, and breastfeeding I dont want to go back on contraception or risk condoms etc. I know vasectomies are not 100% but better than me having to go through invasive procedures again. Im also late for my period and after 2 negative pregnancy tests Ive explained how unfair it is for me to be worrying about this every month. He basically ignored me as he knew what I was getting at.

Am I being a b*tch? Hes not had to go through anything physically and its not like I’m asking him to chop his bits off 🥲

This. ^ A few absolute muppets on here are saying the woman CHOOSES to do it to herself - put herself through the pain and discomfort of pregnancy and childbirth, and pumping crap into her body to stop getting pregnant in the future. I mean, seriously, there's no hope for humanity when people come out with disgusting, narrow-minded shit like this!

You don't have to stop having sex, just stop having penetrative sex. Hands and mouths only while there's a risk of pregnancy.

Men do have the choice but they can also be massive twats about not appreciating the ordeals of womanhood.

The statistic of people who don't use them every time they have sex, or use them when expired etc – that is not usage that matters to a couple who care about preventing a pregnancy.

If he doesn’t want to you can’t force him. IMOmen are very selfish sometimes in expecting the women to do everything, so have children take contraceptions, filling their body with hormones etc

I would just point out options, you are not going into the pill again, you have done your bit and your body needs a rest, so it’s either condoms, or abstaining. Which would be prefer.

He doesn’t have to have the snip, but nor do you have to take full responsibility

Interestingly a lot of people don't know what is included in the fail rate of condom usage. By far the largest number of fails are people who forget to put them on!

No, I'm not joking.

👏

This, but specifically the seat they'd be sitting in is the one behind your seat, so the additional risk isn't just on them but also on you

Why else would contraception fail, if not user error? All methods do exactly what they're designed to do if used correctly.

EG The Pill: Most people know, if you have D&V, you should use condoms/abstain for seven days afterwards as there is a risk of pregnancy due to 'lack of absorption'. However, many women will totally disregard this advice... then 'wonder' why they fall pregnant.

Any effectiveness %s given will be based on scenarios like this.

OP is not giving him that choice, it’s simply the case that contraception options are limited and when you’ve weeded out OP taking pills and full responsibility for years, and condoms as she’s still fertile and it’s too risky, that’s all that is left.

DH absolutely has the right to refuse a vasectomy and OP absolutely has the right to say no pill or condoms. What is left is not the choice OP is giving her husband but the choice presented by biology and medicine.

This!!

But it isn't an acceptable outcome. If something has 'gone wrong', it will be because of something the couple has done/has not done to result in the 'fail'.

Your "hubs" ought to grow up and take some responsibility, as women were taught automatically since teenage years.
Mine did thirty years ago.
And yes, it does hurt.
👍

@241719robs

It sounds to me as if it has already dwindled!

Not what I'm saying; I mean they wanted the children. Obviously.

The procedure for vasectomies has completely changed; it isn't half as bad. Some men are back to work on the same day!

Well no. All contraceptives have a failure rate, even with perfect use.

This.

About 10% of men who have the procedure get long term debilitating pain in the testicles and scrotum.

Agree, I went with DH to Dr surgery for his appointment as we were going somewhere else afterwards. I'd only just picked up a mag and hasn't read anything before he was out... I thought it was cancelled, but he was done.

He was right as rain, paracetamol that day. That was it.
Obviously experiences will vary to some extent but on the whole it was nothing to write home about.

He was delighted to get his all clear letter. As was I.

This is interesting because we tried and tried to find stats on this but couldn't find anything definitive. Where did you find that figure? (Not quibbling, genuinely interested)

Might just drive him to look elsewhere!

Surely it's the person refusing the quite reasonable and reliable option of condoms and other barrier methods that needs to be responsible for other contraception?

If a man was on here refusing to use condoms, everyone would say it's his responsibility to have a vasectomy rather than expecting the woman to use unwanted hormonal options

So since it's the woman refusing barrier methods, surely its her responsibility to use other contraception (e.g hormonal or sterilisation) rather than expecting the man to have an unwanted operation.

Basically there are options that don't require unwanted operations or hormonal contraception. These are the options that it is reasonable to use for couples who don't want to use hormonal contraception and neither want to have surgery. Withdrawal of sex rather than using the other non invasive options available is coercive and not OK. I would say the same if it was a man withdrawing sex because a women didn't want to use hormonal contraception/sterilisation rather than using a condom/spermicide etc.

If anyone feels that condoms (used correctly) aren't safe enough, this can be combined with avoiding PIV during the fertile period plus additional spermicide. Belt and braces and no-one has to have surgery they don't want. Surely this is better than trying to co-erce someone to have unwanted surgery.

It's the only foolproof way of not getting pregnant.

I'm going to guess that the percentage of woman who have life long complications from labour is much higher than 10%

Exactly, and I have lost all hope if the people spouting this are women who have been through childbirth and everything else we endure.

Literally the third result on Google when typing "10% of men vasectomy pain". I thought that was the figure I'd previously seen so went with that on the search. It's saying the figure is actually 15%!

Seems "my body my choice" is only valid for many women when it's their body.

Conclusion: At 7 months after vasectomy about 15% of previously asymptomatic men have some degree of scrotal discomfort. These early data indicate that chronic scrotal pain after vasectomy is a genuine entity, but a longer-term follow-up in this group will be important to allow further evaluation of how this pain develops with time.

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/17850378/