Old guy purposely tapped my bum with his walking crutch

[Wickedclimber]

Had a 'disagreement' with an elderly man today, who was utterly vile and told me that women should be in the kitchen.

Afterwards he came over and tapped my arse with his walking crutch, whilst mumbling "got over it yet?".

AIBU in thinking this is totally inappropriate?

I know if I had seen him do it to someone else, I would have stepped in as a safeguarding officer.

This is very tedious, but I will respond.

Yes, the vicar is going to email/talk to him and tell him that he's not allowed to express his opinion in our church and if he does he will be removed. There does not need to be an investigation; there were enough people there who saw and heard the whole things. Moreover, this guy has been warned before because he has previous. He then had years not coming to church. He decided to come back, and has, for the entire 5 years, behaved himself. I don't know why he chose this Sunday to kick off, but he did.

Our safeguarding is fine, thanks, and we have a strong leadership team.

I needed support and I wanted to know if I was overreacting, or if I handled it badly. You seem to think I am and I did. However, the majority of people (87%) think I am justified in being upset.

Thanks for your input.

Thanks so much for this and I'm sorry that you have had to put up with it too.

I actually spent the morning yesterday writing a talk on this subject, which I found very helpful. I may or may not get to do it (or I may trim it down a bit and put it in the church magazine) but it certainly helped yesterday.

Thanks again x

The metal gymnastics people will go to to find the woman at fault is incredible.

My DH is 86, he would never say anything like this.

Soppy old duffer

@Wickedclimber It’s not appropriate at all and the vicar should definitely speak to him about it.

If he was polite for five years prior to this, could this outburst be a sign of mental deterioration? I’m guessing that he’s in his 80’s? DH’s auntie (88) has suddenly mentally deteriorated, it’s happened very quickly. My Dad (86) also has less of a filter now.

I’m not excusing this man’s behaviour, but your vicar might want to keep an eye on him, especially if he doesn’t have family in the area. People suffering from Alzheimer’s or dementia can behave very inappropriately.

I'm astonished at those of you minimising and excusing this because it's an old guy. Where is it acceptable, then? In the workplace? Because if an 80-something guy can do it, why not a 30-something guy? What's the difference? Oh, he might have dementia. Oh, the 30-something might have other 'issues'

Is it ok to do this in the doctor's surgery? In the park? In the pub? At the zoo?

No, it is NOT ACCEPTABLE ANYWHERE.

Just stop minimising.

@InSearchOfMartin No one is saying that his behaviour is acceptable, he shouldn’t behave like this and the vicar should certainly be speaking to him. My point is that he’s been behaving OK for five years and his behaviour has suddenly changed.

Has you ever spent time with someone suffering from Alzheimer’s or dementia @InSearchOfMartin?

People ARE saying the OP is overreacting. I wasn't targeting you. And yes, I have.

@InSearchOfMartin Then you’ll know that inappropriate behaviour and comments can be a sign of the diseases. I hope the vicar does keep an eye on him regardless.

Hi, thanks for this.

It's actually something that we have been talking about (dementia) and we will certainly keep an eye on it.

We don't think that it is, though.

Yes, @Wickedclimber, he might just be a rude idiot. I just threw it out there as inappropriate behaviour can be a sign of mental deterioration.

Surely recent events have shown that ignoring any form of sexist abuse or unwanted touch isn’t a good idea for the church!

It could also be argued that failing to make it abundantly clear to the miscreant that his conduct is unacceptable is doing him a great disservice.

Well, quite. Which is why this is in no way being ignored.