Old guy purposely tapped my bum with his walking crutch

[Wickedclimber]

Had a 'disagreement' with an elderly man today, who was utterly vile and told me that women should be in the kitchen.

Afterwards he came over and tapped my arse with his walking crutch, whilst mumbling "got over it yet?".

AIBU in thinking this is totally inappropriate?

I know if I had seen him do it to someone else, I would have stepped in as a safeguarding officer.

It isn't remotely funny.

In my church he would be visited and spoken to by two senior members and the incident would be reported upwards.

What is the safeguarding issue?

I'm disappointed, but not surprised, at the amount of people who seem to think this behaviour is anything but. It's not funny, and the excuses people are making for it reek or misogny, or internalised misogyny.

Explain to me how verbally harassing and then physically, and possibly sexuallly using a crutch to hit someone isn't assault?

Well the truth is he's a silly old bugger with outdated foolish misogynistic views. I think to be honest it's a mountain and a molehill. If you can't cope with these situations maybe the job isn't for you.

Why are people making jokes it's not funny. I hope you're okay op.
Old man or not, how dare he treat people like that?

For goodness sake. He should go elsewhere if he can’t cope with women ministers.

Definitely report to the Vicar or Diocese. Unacceptable to be spoken to like that in your line of work.

I started reading that as ‘definitely report to the Vicar of Dibley’

I need to go to bed…

That's quite correct. It's assault.

At Church, was it the vicar?

Did you manage not to grab it and wrap it round his head?

You should still report as a safeguarding issue internally
and to the police - it's assault.

Are you able to ban parishoners?

Next time you see him trip up his crutch. You’ll be in the right place to ask for forgiveness straight away. God will understand.

It's sexual assault, he should be reported to the police. Probably not the first time he's done it either.

Try working in a care home , We have about another 40 years of this shit

OP How old was the guy? Have you considered that he may have dementia? My dad in his nineties did something similar with a nurse. End result was the police called round to my parents house. The effect of all that on my mother in her mid nineties was awful and while I deplored my father's behaviour I'm not sure I can blame him since he was ill. I definitely wished younger women were not over precious about supposed assault by an old codger who they could knock over with one hand. If you hold the power in your muscles and your mental apparatus why would you bother to think any more about it? Ask yourself "does he have more power than me?" If he doesn't, leave it alone. Dementia isn't pretty.

I imagine saying 'oh fuck off you old bore' would be frowned upon?

revolting

stop being silly

Are you trolling? Of course it's assault. Stupid to say otherwise.

whimper

Actually it is assault. Common assault. Shouting and spitting comes under the same category.

I would throw the book at the misogynistic prick. He isn’t just holding those beliefs in his head, he’s trying to put you in your place with verbal and physical aggression. That’s not ok and as a lay minister you have a legal right to work (even if it is voluntarily) safely and free of that sort of shit.

He prodded your bum to demean you because you're a woman who dared to, in his mind, rise above your station.

I think they were. You know - turn the other cheek. Bum cheek. It’s a play on words, because the op was tapped on the bottom.

Typical patriarchal tw@t of a man.

Churches and offices are not the only havens of such ratbags with OLDE WORLDE 19th and 20th century views.

Case in point: A certain man, "Bill", told me at the pool TODAY that "the lanes are too crowded this morning because certain women were not at home running households and there at the pool getting in the way of men who were there for serious exercise." Yes ... he stopped ambling up and down his lane to announce that misguided opinion.

Funnily enough, the woman (52yo) swimming in the same lane as me has fairly grown up kids/youths, is on annual holidays from her Dept Health job until Feb 3 and is a former UK Olympian swimmer. Her youngest child (12yo) was swimming in the next door shallower pool. The lady was swimming, NOT complaining about old men or SAH mums swimming before 7am, and definitely NOT interacting with curmudgeon men. .

There are reasons why an “elderly man”, within a church setting, may possibly voice the opinion that women should not be doing communion, etc, and that women “should be in the kitchen”. He is clearly a gentleman raised in a different era. I do not agree with him, but I get it. Perhaps he needs to find a different flavour of church, or perhaps this could be an opportunity to teach, with compassion and understanding.

The way you have portrayed the situation here, to be honest, does not paint either of you in the best light. He was out of order on several counts, but you did not appear to handle it with grace. His question about if you had gotten over it yet, suggests it was all a bit tongue in cheek, but your response was maybe reactionary? It looks like egos got in the way of good communication. I hope this conflict can be handled well for you both by your church leadership.

Re the ‘tap on the bottom with a crutch’, to be frank, whist wholly inappropriate, needs to be seen in context. Again, somebody raised in a different era should be educated to learn that such a thing is no longer viewed as just a tap on the btm, and could, in these more enlightened times (?) get people screaming at him that he’s committed assault. Certainly, for that, you are owed an apology.