Old guy purposely tapped my bum with his walking crutch

[Wickedclimber]

Had a 'disagreement' with an elderly man today, who was utterly vile and told me that women should be in the kitchen.

Afterwards he came over and tapped my arse with his walking crutch, whilst mumbling "got over it yet?".

AIBU in thinking this is totally inappropriate?

I know if I had seen him do it to someone else, I would have stepped in as a safeguarding officer.

What is the vicar’s usual way to deal with such abuse, both verbal and physical?

I think at the very least this man owes you an unreserved apology.

And also a suspension from church.

Balloonhearts · Today 14:48

An elderly bloke once poked me in the back in a supermarket to get me to move. No 'excuse me please,' no 'Can I get by, love' just a jab in the back with a walking stick. I grabbed it and told him next time it touched me it was going up his arse.

🤣

What is it with old men and walking sticks, though?

Minding my own business driving along some time ago, green light in my favour, an old bloke stepped right out in front of me at the crossing (light controlled, pedestrian light was red). Had to do an emergency stop. He glared at me, shouted something then whacked the front of my car with his stick!

He's lucky you're not me because I would have shouted how fucking dare you touch my bottom, are you some kind of pervert? in front of the entire congregation.

But then my beliefs lie more in 'a tooth for a tooth' than 'turn the other cheek'.

I'm glad the vicar is aware as this man needs to realise that his behaviour is unacceptable & actually illegal.

I've had male patients (of various ages!) try to hit me on the bottom with implements (long handled shoehorns seem to be a favourite). They seem to think that it's amusing.

I always tell them how inappropriate they are initially which tends to stop them.

Especially when they realise that we have a duty of care to document inappropriate sexual behaviour to warn other staff.

If they persist in their behaviour we also warn the patient concerned (if there is no current mental incapacity caused by confusion in dementia/ delirium / acute psychosis or mania) that we can refuse to treat them. And of course that they could be arrested.

!!!!

To the next level of church government - I’ll leave it vague…

As far as I’m aware we’ve not had a case like that - would be unlikely as my denomination has had women clergy for many decades - but we have had a case of bullying, and the next layer up was notified and it was dealt with very well

Dare I suggest it’s the phallic nature of the object and what it represents with respect to their [fading and fragile] sense of masculinity?

ETA - didn’t mean to pile on in an anti [old] men way - have a lovely DH and FiL who wouldn’t dream of behaving like this, and a gorgeous 6ft4 16yo son who has just started dating his first girlfriend… he’s bloody lovely!!

I wouldn't have liked it but would have just moved on. Life's busy, he is an old man.

So In reality- this is what annoyed you!

😁 Good reply.

What else are old men allowed to do?

I don't think so...I've seen women with sticks do the same. Worst was on a bus when a woman in a leg cast was sitting in the disabled seat, and an elderly woman whacked her with her stick because she wanted the seat.

I see this thread is carrying on in the ageist manner it started.

In terms of people excusing the behaviour I assume.

How can he be a gentleman if he thinks tapping a woman on the bum with his crutch is appropriate?

Mumsnet has a massive double standard.

Bunch of women say they've been assaulted or spoken to inappropriately by old men and you cry ageism. If no one mentioned their ages, everyone would be like ALL MEN SHOULD BE BANNED!!!!

So why is sexism never called out unless they're also elderly? They were probably tossers 20 years ago and they're still tossers now. They don't suddenly become respectable when they hit 70.

I’d have thrown it in a bush tbh.

That's hilarious. A church with a safeguarding team...who would step in after a man was inappropriate

Id have told him to fuck the fuck off...but then I don't go to church. Then grabbed his stuck and poked his genitals and said no..I haven't

Churches do have safeguarding leads, sometimes they are regional though. Adult safeguarding might sometimes be about spotting changes in behaviour. Sometimes it's social spaces like churches that notice changes before medical teams if people are particularly isolated from family for example.

Then of course there is Roald Dahl’s Mrs Twit, who carries a stick so that she can hit dogs and cats and small children.

@Balloonhearts "Mumsnet has a massive double standard.

Bunch of women say they've been assaulted or spoken to inappropriately by old men and you cry ageism. If no one mentioned their ages, everyone would be like ALL MEN SHOULD BE BANNED!!!!"

You must have missed my earlier post where I said "Oh,ffs. His age is irrelevant. He was a dick. And would have been a dick whether he was 20 or 80. Not sure whether it's a safeguarding issue or a arsehole issue"

Could you do what your username suggests and go back to lurking? Your contributions have been to baselessly accuse the OP of lying, make a snarky-but-stupid comment about the role of a safeguarding officer and then, baselessly, accuse the OP of being a bot.

It's all a bit tedious and weird.

No.

It must be very tiring for you to believe you have to admonish everyone who has an opinion different to yours. Take a day off

Ugh, I'm also a lay preacher and I've had to put up with a couple of occasional comments

I'm very strident though and speak very loudly when telling them what I think though.

I'm sorry you've lost sleep, I reported one person to my superintendent and the next time I preached at that church I was escorted round afterwards by someone who knew them so there was a witness if anything happened. I also tailored my service to the role of women in the early church I was the one with the microphone, might as well use it.

On balance though I'd rather they were there, keeps them off the buses and remonstrating with women in public for a couple of hours

Can I ask you not to blame yourself for not feeling charitable towards him, he's an arsehole. Its not you