Husband says any man would cheat given the opportunity

[Esgd27]

I’m a bit gobsmacked. Been with my DH for 30 years and have 2 grown up kid. Our relationship is generally ok.
We were watching a TV show tonight in which a woman hired a private detective to seduce her husband to see if he was faithful to her. My DH said it was unfair as it was entrapment. I said it was a bit odd but I guess the fictional wife had some concerns and was testing her husband. My DH doubled down by saying that all men would cheat given the opportunity. I challenged him and asked if he felt like that (ie he would cheat given half a chance). He said that he would and that any man would.
A very frosty exchange followed. He raised his voice and then tried to backtrack saying that wasn’t what he’d said and he didn’t mean it. But he did definitely say it. He’d drunk a bottle of wine so no doubt that exacerbated his truculence. He then went to bed in a huff.
I’m don’t particularly think he’s been /being unfaithful - and as a slightly plump balding 60 year old I don’t think he’s exactly Casanova.
I’ve tried to tell myself that it was just a slightly drunken silly remark. But I am still fuming - I thought it was a pretty rude and disrespectful thing to say to your wife. Particularly as he doubled down and didn’t apologise. He just didn’t seem to care or think what he was saying and it raised some concerns with me about his underlying moral code.

weird thing to say, I’m sure those who don’t value it or want it have already given it a rethink, but being fickl3 by nature and lacking attachment, they cover it with lies and deceit. Some don’t and have open marriages. I sincerely desire only monogamy. I’ve had only 2 relationships in my whole life, never had sex with anyone else, have a high sex drive when in a relationship, disinterested for the very long periods I’ve been single. I’ve been single for ten years, haven’t gone near a guy emotionally of physically, not interested unless I fall in love with someone. Never cheated on someone, inconceivable to me to be committed to someone and even see anyone else in that way, it’s never happened, hard enough to meet someone I feel attraction to. If presented with that unlikely situation, I have values and wouldn’t bypass those values! Better for people to be with other people that tick the same way they do, causes less heartache. Good to be honest about who you are a a person so there is true consent when someone dates you.

I've heard multiple stories of men who pushed for an "open marriage" because they were convinced they could get multiple beautiful women and their life would be bliss. Turned out no women wanted them, but the wife easily found attractive and attentive lovers and she no longer wanted a monogamous relationship with her husband, who was now desperate to go back to the way things were before.

Yes I think most men would cheat if to was never going to be found out. I believe there is research to back this up too

And how would he feel if you said to him well that's ok, I'd cheat too if I had the chance (whether you would or not!) petty I know, but I bet he wouldn't like it! I hate this attitude that it's what men do. I bet he thinks the rules are different for women!

I think most people will cheat given the right opportunity.

I could almost be tempted to believe in karma! Love it when life works out so beautifully 😂

You just have to look to the statistics to see that the majority of people do cheat. Around 75% of men have cheated at least once and only about 50% will admit to regretting it. There would be some men who would never consider it, but they are very much a minority.
However.... Around 68% of women have cheated with similar regret rates so it's not really anything to do with the sex of the individual, it's more like humans (like most animals studied) are not programmed for long term monogamy.

Single woman here - aged 49. I have and have had many married men try it on with me whilst their wives gush all over social media about how their husbands would never cheat and how they trust them 100 percent and how they married the good ones! It's a real eye opener! Glad I'm single.

This would give me such a insight into how little integrity my partner had that I just don't know how I could feel the same about them.

It certainly would make me think when I wasn't around he is most likely joining in on the potential gross work/pub banter. I don't think I'd feel safe in the relationship or respected. It would be hard to feel passion and love for my partner when if at any moment if Shirley from over the road came round naked in a trench coat and winked at my husband that I'd be forgotten in a second!

You're completely valid op for feeling this way. Unfortunately it would take real insight and work on his behalf to truly see where you're coming from. From his reactions doesn't look likely he will see your viewpoint.

It's not a relationship I would want to stay in.

Agree.

Some years ago (probably 30+) I got off with a chap who turned out afterwards to be married (technically I was, but to be fair I was waiting for the decree absolute) and my friend got off with his mate. No idea if the mate was married, but she was definitely due up the aisle a few weeks later!

It takes two to tango, as the saying goes, so it's not all down to the men.

Just going to read the rest of the thread to find out if OP got an apology....

Damn Skippy....

He just blew his cover as a decent guy.

Not all men would cheat.

But he would.

You'll probably never see him the same way again OP, and I'm sorry. But his mask fell off.

Just like with theft, murder, etc. some people are basically sociopaths but others actually have ethics and morals that are completely unrelated to a fear of being caught.

I'm not a man but I've genuinely got no interest.

A minor flirt in a bar is as far as I'd potentially go (and I wouldn't mind if my DP did the same as long as that was where it ended and he doesn't earn himself some kind of reputation for doing it about town constantly).

I fulfilled my casual sex curiosity before settling down and honestly don't have that interest in a stranger, risk, pursuit, illicit thrill or any of that tedium. Variety and familiarity with one person is worth 100x, even if it becomes irregular in the end. It's really not worth hurting someone over a shag and I'm a big believer in playing the field a bit before settling down. It's what my grandma advised me (born in the 20s)

Where are you getting your statistics from, you do realise that these are from a small pool of people studied? People that are attracted to the particular poll, which many faithful people won’t be into, or even know about

I personally think most men would, with their type/preference not just with anyone, if given the opportunity with a guarantee of zero detection - sorry. It is like eating a zero calorie cake and nobody knowing, no consequences.

The ones that would not in that scenario would be mainly low testosterone types.

People who are saying “yes they would- sorry”, you don’t need to be sorry, you aren’t breaking news to people, this is from your own worldview, circle of people, and your own personality/ desires. You can not speak for everyone, and you cannot speak for most people, only for yourself and your worldview. As someone else pointed out, for many they wouldn’t cheat not because they are worried about being found out, but literally because they do not want to. Me personally, I’ve only got eyes for my lover, but perhaps many haven’t had true love or passion and so they imagine what that might feel like and their low moral bar takes them over that boundary, I’ve zero interest in anyone unless I’m very very into someone, and nobody else is going to take me away from someone or spark interest in me, when I’m very into someone. Problem is so many settle for fear of being alone, and then desire everyone else going, you should set your partner free to find someone that wants just them, unless you’re both of the same mind and happy to toddle along until the grass gets greener

Nonsense. Many have a high sex drive but it’s not just sparked by anyone, takes a bit more than that, and if they see sex as part of love. Stupid comment to say only low testosterone men wouldn’t shag someone else if they could get away with it. Some men have a bit more depth to them than that

I have 5 brothers who speak openly to me about this stuff, 3 of them are 100% all eyes for one woman they love!

Tell him that’s great news as there are loads of his married friends you’d like to shag and it looks like you can have the pick of the bunch. ;-)

Time to put his theory to the test!

Whether he’s right or wrong (he’s wrong btw) it looks like he’s forgotten how to behave in a relationship. What he thinks is a reflection of how he sees the world.

Your DH is a basic bitch of the male world. I’ve met plenty of men for whom loyalty is more important than getting their dick wet, however much the temptation. It may be a minority of men but they do exist.

He's a bit stupid to say this to you, isn't he? Still, the crux is in 'opportunity'. There are many men that women wouldn't want. They will be faithful in spite of their wants for that reason.

It was really unkind of him to say that to you, OP. It can't be unsaid either. There's life after marriage and I think you could do worse than look at your situation with a view to expanding your own horizons.

What he's told is that, in that moment, slightly drunk and more than slightly annoyed with you (not saying that was justified), he would have cheated given the opportunity.

Are you sure he hasn’t cheated? A lot of people (men and women) who have the attitude that “everyone wants to and everyone would”, have that attitude because THEY have, or would, and it makes them feel better to think everyone else is on par with them, and they aren’t just easy, not picky, lack moral boundaries, are a lying cheat etc. that’s why he might have been angry, because you called him out on his theory and made it plain to him that no you don’t believe that’s true. He may have convinced himself he did what any man would do.