DD relationship with 50 yr old

[Bonniethecat1]

I have found out my DD is in sexual relationship with a man who turned 50 in August and she is not far off turning 25.. I think he is using her and how can I convince her to stop seeing him, she actually has admitted feelings for him, aibu to think this is so wrong? I can't stand this.

I I knew someone with this age gap where I worked, both coming out of difficult relationships though so it was like they leant on each other for support. She met someone nearer her own age , 20, and ended it but looking back says she was naïve and realised older men take advantage of that and thoroughly regrets making a fool of herself. Hopefully OPs daughter will meet someone else who she feels she can make a life with and have those experiences where it’s the first time for both of them 💕

You keep saying people should stick to their "own generation" and I'm not sure you actually understand what a generation is... It's 20-30 years.

Despite our age gap DP and I are both Gen X.

Sorry, age group then. You knew what I meant.

Your 15 yr old age gap isn't 25 years like the op's dd is it. Quite a significant difference.

I've read a lot of comments on here saying that the age gap is terrible, disgusting etc.

What a load of cobblers!

My partner and I have 22 years between us. I was 30 and he was 52 when we got together - and we are still happy and both still in love with each other. I am now 57 and he is 79.

The OP's daughter, who is 24/25 is an adult and can make her own choices. If it doesn't work out, she will move on.

Nah it's grim as fuck.

Wow what an amazing contribution. Your inability to make a point is "grim as fuck."

It’s also not all about sex, a relationship is much more than just that. Neither of us were looking for anyone when we met through mutual friends. He wasn’t actively hunting down women half his age, we didn’t even know each others age straight away and previously he’s never had such an age gap. His family have made me feel welcome and whilst it may be unusual and weird to some it is possible.

I just wanted to make the point that not all age gap relationships are one sided or somehow different to a ‘normal’ one. And that not all men are creepy and sleezy, no matter their age…I’ve met my fair share of both either side of 50.

So 15 years is acceptable but 25 isn't?

What's the cut off? Is 19 OK? Does it become grim at 23?

And yet most people could not imagine having a relationship with someone the same age as their parents.

It works for you, fine but please don't try to normalise. A 57yr old sleeping with an 80yr old is very unusual, there's no 2 ways about it. And yes sex isn't all that a relationship is about but it's an important part of it.

It's not about normalising it. It's about allowing people to make their own choices and live their lives without feeling judged by people who wouldn't make the same ones.

Just because something is legal it doesn't mean it's right.

Well sorry but people will always judge someone for targeting a person half their age.

Look at Schofield. We've been told repeatedly it wasn't anything illegal but it was certainly creepy.

At this point I'm more concerned by some posters' instance on only talking about the physical side of relationships....

Its most likely transactional. She’s getting lots of attention, feels highly desirable and is being spoilt by someone who presumably has more cash than guys her age. He’s getting a willing young body to have regular sex with.

It is gross and she will probably see that when she’s his age or has a daughter.

I don't have an instance for talking about the physical side of relationships merely pointing out sex is an important part of it. So yes sadly some grubby 50yr olds will indeed target 25yr olds..

I often wonder where these men’s friends and families are. Why aren’t they appalled and telling him to stop pursuing someone literally half his age?

Make sure you keep things sweet between you and your DD.
Encourage her to keep striving for the things she values - her work, savings, etc.
Encourage her to employ very sound contraceptives.
Encourage her to still see her friends.

Get to know the fellow.
Invite him for dinner.
Make sure he knows your daughter is secure in her family.

Oh come on now, another extreme example from you. That situation is completely different as it's said he met the other person whilst a child, hence the grooming allegations.

I have dated younger men, older men, different ethnicities. I literally do not have a type as I judge people on how they treat me/make me feel, not by what's on their birth certificate or what they look like. I've been in a relationship for 20 years now but should I have a dating profile if single, never used a dating site before as they weren't a thing back in my dating years, I'd probably set an age range of 10 years younger - 10 years older. I wouldn't be actively seeking out younger or older men, just not discounting them. However if meeting randomly I wouldn't necessarily stick to these limits, it would ultimately depend on the person.

Of course there are men/women who actively seek out younger people for their youth just as there are people that seek out partners for a host of other untoward reasons but that doesn't mean everybody in an age gap relationship has an icky reason for doing so. People are attracted to others for all sorts of reasons and it's not always looks/status/sex related.

I don't think OP is coming back...perhaps her DD has seen the light and dumped the letch.

Or maybe OP realised there is bothint she can do.

At 25 I could not fathom having anything in common with a 50 year old man nor being attracted to one. He also would have to have been massively immature to be compatible with me at that age which would also be unattractive. But different people are different. And age gaps are not inherently problematic. They work for a lot of people.

I used to find it weird when men in their 50s would reach out to me on OLD when I was early 30s! Maybe it’s a mental block that I cannot date people older than my parents.

They shouldn't have the ego to reach out to younger women like that, they think so much of themselves. I've always made a point of saying "why are you messaging someone my age!?"
It's a fucked mindset. They are at an older age and expect younger women to find them attractive, yet they won't find women the same age as them attractive, nevermind women older than them. It's screwed up. It says so much about them as a person, all negative.

"willing young body" 🤢🤢
God these men need to get in the bin.

They're quietly judging. Maybe some of the sleazy types of men are envious.

@YoghurtPotWashingMachine 😂😂
Thankfully most posters here agree with my contributions. It's grim as fuck, sorry if you can't handle that.