DD relationship with 50 yr old

[Bonniethecat1]

I have found out my DD is in sexual relationship with a man who turned 50 in August and she is not far off turning 25.. I think he is using her and how can I convince her to stop seeing him, she actually has admitted feelings for him, aibu to think this is so wrong? I can't stand this.

I totally agree.

Where ppl who say - they may have things in common, and age is irrelevant - may have a point in a MINORITY of cases, let’s face it, there’s only one reason older men go for women/girls so much younger than themselves - it’s isn’t for meaningful conversations or shared experiences. Aside from escapism and the delusion that they themselves are younger bc they’re with someone young, it’s for their fresh, firm childless bodies. Not their minds. It’s especially 🤮 when they’re old enough to be their dads.

When I was a teen and girls were going out with men in their mid-late 20’s and 30’s I thought it was gross then too and understood what the attraction was for the men. The girls thought they must be really mature and special and couldn’t see what was glaringly obvious - these men could not get women their own age as they were inadequate, immature, emotionally backward and more often than not saw these girls as easy to control and malleable for their own warped version of perfect gf material. It’s a massive power imbalance and the girls and young women are only ‘special’ for as long as their bodies stay in appealing condition.

But as I said before in PP, it’s often transactional and most of these young women get something out of it which is why they go for these disgusting pervs. I guess they can exert power to some extent as these men think with their dicks and are willing to spend a lot of money to put them where they shouldn’t. Bleurgh.

Thank you for sharing this. I found your last paragraph so insightful ♥️

You don't know anything about me. I just think repeating "grim as fuck" parrot fashion is pathetic. And FYI not everyone agrees with you, sorry if you can't handle that.

Yep. I would always pick the automatic rejection response “I am looking for somebody closer to my own age”.

So offended!

Apparently she is! But sounds like a lot based on hearsay. Either way there is nothing you can do except be supportive to your daughter. If the rumours about him are true then at some point it will end and your daughter may need your support, so don't alienate her now.

The question young women have to ask themselves is - would this man want anything to do with them if they were the man’s age?

And if a 25 year old isn’t interested they can tell the 50 year old to jog on.

At some point we need to accept adults taking responsibility for their own decisions.

Exactly..

@Sceptical123 Well said 👌🏼

I’d be loudly judging if my 40 or 50 yo friend brought their 25yo bf or gf to meet me and other friends. I wouldn’t embarrass the younger party, but I’d be having direct words with the old sleaze afterwards.

I've just wished a friend's daughter a Happy 25th Birthday. I can clearly remember when her Mum was pregnant with her, she was the first of my friends to have a baby (she was late 20's). I can imagine the reactions if I (50) got together with one of the daughter's friends!

That's why this age gap feels uncomfortable to many people, the older partner was a full-fledged adult when the younger partner was born. Her parents are probably close in age to him.

@DownThePubWithStevieNicks Same, I've even lost touch with male friends who have shown hints of it. It says so so much about a man.
I meant the ones who that poster think is cool with it all.. they are still quietly judging.

Yep.. there are babies being born now that are the future perverted interests of current 40 year olds 🤢🤢

I'd say you dating a friend's daughter would be a different situation...

Someone could have a baby at 15
They would be 35 at the same time their child was 20
But I would say most people wouldn't be saying 20 with a 35 year old is someone with a "dirty old letch" even though it was someone the same age as their parent...

Erm.. yes we would..

@MartinCrieffsLemon I meant me dating a friend of the daughter, someone she went to school with.

A 15-year-old having a baby is exceptionally young though, a child having a child. The average age of parenthood is 30-odd now and was younger in the past. I imagine that’s why the OP is uncomfortable, it’s like one of her friends sleeping with her DD. Yes, I know they’re adults, but it’s still uncomfortable.

No someone upthread implied a 15 year age gap was OK ...

Serious what is your cut off for an age gap? Or must we only date the exact same age?

Do you only date people with the same birthdate as yourself?

Yes. That would also be different. You'd have been with her since she was young and you could appear to have groomed her/wait until she was legal to pounce. Not the same as someone completely new. (This was similar to the case with Schofield as someone keep bringing it up)

It doesn't matter how unusual it is. It happens. So it's a case that could occur

And what's with the "we"? Have you announced yourself spokesperson or something? More women you're deciding can't make choices for themselves perhaps?

You seem so bitter that I was intrigued and had a quick browse of your posting history. You post on many threads with your views on pervy old men and younger women. You don't seem to like men in general tbf. Also no posts about pervy old women and their poor, groomed, defenceless younger men. Funny that.

To wade in on this one.

I am 35 f and with a 55 year old m. I am fairly recently divorced after being left for another woman in very difficult circumstance.

I have two children aged 5 and 8 and his daughter is grown up. We both own our own homes, we will never marry, we will never live together. We are both high earners and very independent.

It works for us because any man in a similar age range to me will likely have young children and I don’t want to have to help raise someone else’s children (or they will likely want more children and this isn’t for me). Or if they don’t want kids what would they want with me?

He leaves me to the parenting and I leave him to running his business. When I don’t have the children we enjoy meals out together, the theatre, nice hotels. He has done the odd day out with us but I pretty much parent independently and I’m happy with this. I run my house independently but he will help out with DIY etc if I ask.

I value his life experience in having been divorced himself before (although 20 years ago) and having raised a child he understands the challenges I face.

Sometimes the right person helps you at the right time and I have no idea how long will be together - as long as we’re both happy and love each other I guess.

I think the main question is, is he a kind person?

It's a funny thing to me, many many people at 25 are not necessarily looking for a LTR that will turn into a marriage or something like that. They are interested in dating, having fun, going to dinner or a bar, etc. They might date 5 differernt men in a six month period like that, and no one seems to bat an eye.

What difference does it really make in that scenario if there is an age gap? All that really matters is if they are enjoying doing fun things and if they respect each other - there are plenty of 25 year old men who are disrespectful, unkind, or whatever - age is really not the factor that is likely to be the biggest correlation with those things.

In a year or so what are the chances they will still be dating, anyway?

I actually said 'Your 15 yr old age gap isn't 25 years like the op's dd is it. Quite a significant difference'. I didn't say it was 'ok' just less weird than a 25yr age gap.

Why do you think we must only date someone of the same age, who has said that? I'm 2 yrs older than my dh. 2yrs, not 25yrs. It is quite baffling why we have to keep pointing out it isn't ok to have such a massive gap.

You made a distinction between 15 and 25 years which makes 15 MORE ok

You then chose to ignore, more than once now, exactly how big an age gap is ok before it becomes "pervy". You're 2 years old. Does 5 become too much? 10? 12 OK but 13 not?