DD relationship with 50 yr old

[Bonniethecat1]

I have found out my DD is in sexual relationship with a man who turned 50 in August and she is not far off turning 25.. I think he is using her and how can I convince her to stop seeing him, she actually has admitted feelings for him, aibu to think this is so wrong? I can't stand this.

'You can demean if you reduce it to "I don't like this situation so it must be inappropriate"

Not sure that is what demeaning means? There are lots of things I may not like, Brussels sprouts for example. That doesn't mean they are inappropriate.

A 50yr old man chasing young women is however inappropriate. I'm not sure why we are debating that?

Of course it would be better for her, but she won’t listen because she’s young and she hasn’t learnt yet.

Would you say 50 year old men have more money than most 25 year old men? I would. He has had 25 extra years in which to accrue resources. His value is financial and perhaps wisdom, it’s certainly not his sperm quality is it?

I’m out of this conversation now. OP, if you push, she will run. Tell her to make sure she benefits from this situation.

So now you're suggesting they prostitute themselves? Nice!

And you’re suggesting she give the best years of her life for free. Nice!

Not sure what’s so complex about this. She is going to do it anyway, atm it’s likely he benefits and she’s wrapped in her emotions (because she is young and loved up)

They should both benefit.

You are assuming he did the chasing...

Would you say 50 year old men have more money than most 25 year old men? I would. He has had 25 extra years in which to accrue resources.

And also to spend them.

Like I say, it's very rare to find a 'quality' 50 year old man who has never been married. Even if he's well off, and most 50 year olds are not, there's a high chance he has an ex wife and children to fund.

His value is financial and perhaps wisdom, it’s certainly not his sperm quality is it?

"Wisdom"? How many 50 year old men do you know?

The pointbis they are HER years to give to whomever SHE chooses. It's not for her mum, you, or anyone else to decide whether or not that decision is "worthy".

More than I ever wanted to. I’ll replace wisdom with ability to manipulate and know the game. I’m being generous here, in other words, his main value is financial.

Two words................Sam Neill

I agree, they are, it’s all her choice. No one’s deciding anything for her.

Her mother wants to know the best course of action to protect her daughter. Because she is young, she will need to make these mistakes. I’m telling OP how to minimise the impact of said mistakes, because there’s no fix.

Gotta know here, you would be happy for your young daughter to hook up with an older man? Wouldn’t concern you?

You are making this all about you and what you want. Maybe that's where you're going wrong. Perhaps focus more on your daughter and what she wants. What she probably wants is for you to be supportive even if you don't necessarily like her choices, rather than spending your time seeing what gossip you can find out around the village about him. She's 25 not 5. Let her make her own mistakes rather than trying to live her life for her. If you are right and it doesn't end well then all you can do is be there for her when it goes tits up. Maybe her parenting has shaped her attitudes towards what a healthy relationship looks like, who knows.

Why do you think a 50 year old wants to shag a 25 year old?

I'm not suggesting she do anything as she's an adult and that's her decision to make.

Money isn't all you get out of a relationship

As if someone is actually suggesting she basically prostitutes herself!

Back off it's literally not your business My husband is 20 years older than me and no one would make me change my mind about him Fortunately for them noone tried!

It might not. But as an adult that's on her to weigh up whether it's worth it.

I'd let it ride out

How would you feel if it was a 50 year old woman she was with?

@Bonniethecat1 I’d also think it was grim and hope that it fizzles out quickly. As others have said, she’s an adult and it’s her decision.

Has she talked to you about the relationship?

If she does ask your opinion, I’d be honest and tell her that you think it’s grim, while also saying that you recognize that it’s her decision. I wonder what her friends think of him? Definitely encourage her to keep seeing her friends, she mustn’t get isolated from them because of him (that’s true of any relationship, of course).

Don’t turn them into star crossed lovers. It probably won’t last . If he makes her happy then it might not be ideal but she is an adult .

I wouldn’t like this either, depending on your relationship you can express your concerns but would need to tread carefully.

She’s an adult so it’s completely up to her to act - not - based on your concerns.

As my dad was 16 years older than his wife, and they had 30+ years, and I'm 15 years older than DP, I'd be mildly concerned, but I wouldn't automatically freak out.

It would depend on the person, the situation, and whether or not my dd was happy.

I completely understand why my DPs parents were concerned initially. Years later, I don't think it's a factor any more. Probably helped by the fact that they see how happy we are - and despite age differences we're well matched, and similar in every other way, including financially.

It would depend on the person, the situation, and whether or not my dd was happy.

And this is the crux of it. Not sweeping statements announcing that ALL older men are wrinkly, smelly and only after sex, with many failed marriages behind them and a stream of children they may not even know about.

Maybe your daughter is into swinging too? She's 25, you need to back off.

You're trying to dictate your daughter's adult life? You sound like my Mother. I'm 40 this year and haven't spoken to her for 7 months - It's been bliss.

I was 19 and he was 35, so I have been here. This is what you call a Ephebophile. Ages range from 15 to 19. Back off, because like all relationships of any age she will learn for herself, or she will have a happy ending. It's not up to you to dictate which one she has.

No-one makes derogatory comments about the Macrons.