Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To tell my friend the truth?

169 replies

OneOfTheTwo · 11/01/2025 21:44

I’m a member of a large friend group and when we were younger we would regularly all go clubbing together. Mixture of Males and Females. We’re a bit older now so that has long died out.

There was one night we went out and one of my male friends had a one night stand. He was 25 at the time and I specifically remember the girl as I was chatting to her for ages. I remember her specifically as we got chatting about one of the tattoos on her arm (it was a niche show I like), she had loads of tattoos and she was wearing heavy goth makeup so unforgettable. I remember her telling me she was 21 and worked full time in an office as she said she “made loads of money”. Nothing more came from that one night stand with my friend.

Fast forward to yesterday and we’ve hired a new batch at work and I instantly recognised the girl but couldn’t place my finger on it. I was training her in one department and I spotted the tattoo and it all came back to me. I remembered her name and when I asked her it was definitely the same person. She told me she’d just graduated and was 21. I worked it out and that means she was 16 or 17 when we met her depending on her date of birth, so she must have had a fake ID to get into where we were. I obviously haven’t mentioned to her that I recognise her from that night.

Obviously this means my friend slept with her at the age of 16 when he was 25. Although legal is extremely questionable and I know he wouldn’t have done it if he knew. I told my partner when I got home as he is also friends with the guy and he thinks I need to tell him as he would want to know. I feel like I shouldn’t as what would it achieve apart from making him feel disgusting about herself? Personally I think I should just mind my own business here. We were all there that night, she was in a club and covered in tattoos!

WWYD?

OP posts:
LaurieFairyCake · 11/01/2025 21:48

How was she covered in proper tattoos at 16/17?

One shit one, yes - but loads of good ones at that age ?

OneOfTheTwo · 11/01/2025 21:49

LaurieFairyCake · 11/01/2025 21:48

How was she covered in proper tattoos at 16/17?

One shit one, yes - but loads of good ones at that age ?

To be fair they were all very shit line work ones.

But if she had a fake ID to get into the club I imagine she used it for the tattoos?

OP posts:
Bessienol · 11/01/2025 21:51

None of your business and pointless

really word you’re so invested

HellonHeels · 11/01/2025 21:51

This sounds an unlikely situation. What do you think the benefits would be of you telling your mate about this?

Can he do anything to change it?

I doubt your new colleague would appreciate having it brought up at work.

HellonHeels · 11/01/2025 21:53

Oh and as for WWYD - I'd mind my own business.

RichPetunia · 11/01/2025 21:53

I'd be concerned about GDPR and the fact you are disclosing a work colleague's details.

Someadvice · 11/01/2025 21:55

Bessienol · 11/01/2025 21:51

None of your business and pointless

really word you’re so invested

To be fair I would be taken a back if I’d met a colleague 5 years ago in a club and they told me they were 21!

I don’t think you should say anything OP. Thank god she wasn’t underage at the time.

tulippa · 11/01/2025 21:55

No, don't tell him. What purpose would that serve?

Magamaga · 11/01/2025 21:55

Why would you tell him? I can’t see it being benifical to anyone.

flyinghen · 11/01/2025 21:56

Stay out of it, your friend didn't do anything wrong.

DreamW3aver · 11/01/2025 21:56

I wouldn't do anything, why say stuff that doesn't need to be said?

Teanbiscuits33 · 11/01/2025 21:57

Nothing good will come of this. What do you expect your friend to do with this information? It was 5 years ago and if she was 16/17 she was of legal age, although I get that it’s not ideal to have lied about your age. Nothing can be done about it now so leave it.

Hercisback1 · 11/01/2025 21:57

Why tell him?

Such an odd thing to do.

arcticpandas · 11/01/2025 21:58

Leave it. He didn't do anything wrong because none of you picked up on her being underage. Forget about it and move on.. Or maybe this is her younger sister with the same tattoos who knows ?

Sugarfish · 11/01/2025 21:58

Wouldn’t this have been the time everything was shut because of covid?

Even if the story is real, she was over the age of consent, it was a one night stand and it’s not like he preyed on a girl he knew was younger. So no harm done.

Arlanymor · 11/01/2025 22:01

What would telling him achieve?

OneOfTheTwo · 11/01/2025 22:03

Thanks for all the advice. I must admit I’ve botched a few details as I didn’t want it to become an instant man hating thread.

He isn’t my friend, he is my DP. We were friends for years before we got together unfortunately one night stands are something we’ve both witnessed from each other. It was just before lockdown for the poster who asked. Obviously seeing her at work has taken me a back and knowing that he slept with a 16 year old at 25 has knocked me physically sick to my stomach. I know he didn’t do it on purpose. My best friend has told me to tell him but I think he will hate himself.

I was worried if I came straight on saying he slept with a 16 year old at 25 I wouldn’t receive proper responses but glad you’re all on the same page.

OP posts:
LaurieFairyCake · 11/01/2025 22:05

Yes, you should tell him

I'm guessing he will be as horrified as you are

guc · 11/01/2025 22:05

Don't tell him. He didn't do anything wrong. She was in an adult only venue and said she was 21. Forget it and move on.

BlueberryShortcakePixie · 11/01/2025 22:12

So it was your DH before you got together. Why are you sick to your stomach? There’s absolutely no reason to tell him. She was perfectly legal so forget about it and move on.

MinorGodhead · 11/01/2025 22:15

You are way over-invested in a relationship that happened before you got together with your partner. We all have pasts. I lost my virginity to a 47- year old when I was 18. That was my decision. I doubt he’s lying awake fretting.

SofaSurfer1993 · 11/01/2025 22:15

You sound like a bit of a busybody. Don’t say anything, nothing can be changed and nothing good can come of it. She wasn’t underage thank goodness so everyone should just move on.

Mum2jenny · 11/01/2025 22:16

Not your problem, just ignore and move on.

Endofyear · 11/01/2025 22:16

I would honestly just leave it. What is the point of telling him now? He did nothing wrong and it's all in the past - leave it there.

HellonHeels · 11/01/2025 22:17

Have you considered she's lying about her age now rather than back then?

Whatever, I can't see any merit in doing anything further with this info.