To tell my friend the truth?

[OneOfTheTwo]

I’m a member of a large friend group and when we were younger we would regularly all go clubbing together. Mixture of Males and Females. We’re a bit older now so that has long died out.

There was one night we went out and one of my male friends had a one night stand. He was 25 at the time and I specifically remember the girl as I was chatting to her for ages. I remember her specifically as we got chatting about one of the tattoos on her arm (it was a niche show I like), she had loads of tattoos and she was wearing heavy goth makeup so unforgettable. I remember her telling me she was 21 and worked full time in an office as she said she “made loads of money”. Nothing more came from that one night stand with my friend.

Fast forward to yesterday and we’ve hired a new batch at work and I instantly recognised the girl but couldn’t place my finger on it. I was training her in one department and I spotted the tattoo and it all came back to me. I remembered her name and when I asked her it was definitely the same person. She told me she’d just graduated and was 21. I worked it out and that means she was 16 or 17 when we met her depending on her date of birth, so she must have had a fake ID to get into where we were. I obviously haven’t mentioned to her that I recognise her from that night.

Obviously this means my friend slept with her at the age of 16 when he was 25. Although legal is extremely questionable and I know he wouldn’t have done it if he knew. I told my partner when I got home as he is also friends with the guy and he thinks I need to tell him as he would want to know. I feel like I shouldn’t as what would it achieve apart from making him feel disgusting about herself? Personally I think I should just mind my own business here. We were all there that night, she was in a club and covered in tattoos!

WWYD?

Can't see any good coming from raking it all up now. He wasn't deliberately going after a young woman. I would leave it.

I'd keep quiet about it. There really is absolutely no point in saying anything.

That happening to you doesn’t mean it’s normal and that man should be ashamed of himself.

What on earth does a 47 year old man want with an 18 year old other than to be a predator?

Why tell him? What is he supposed to do with that information?

He hasn’t done anything wrong and I don’t know why you’re making a big deal about this.

Would you all honestly be okay with your 16 year old daughter sleeping with (and tricking him into it) a 25 year old man?

I’d be so upset if I found that out. Totally understand why you’re upset OP but I don’t see what good will come from telling him. This is one I’d take to the grave.

What would be the point of telling him? She wasn’t underage. She lied to him. He might feel crap about it and he wasn’t his fault and there’s nothing he can do now. Nothing was illegal. Absolutely no point. You shouldn’t have told your friend either imo

I don't understand the issue. He thought she was 18 and she was 16? I don't see why it matters much now especially if he didn't know

She was in the wrong not him. Don’t tell him. You shouldn’t have told your friend either.

Ignore the posters saying you’re over reacting. I’d be upset too but he didn’t do it on purpose. Telling him won’t do any good.

I think you are over reacting and should keep schtum about it. OK she was 16 but of legal age and he was only 25, so not a seedy old creep.

She wanted sex and it was consensual so no big deal IMHO.

She said she was 21 not 18. She was 16 and still legally a child.

There’s a big difference between 18 and 21. At 25 none of my friends would have gone for an 18 year old in a club.

He’s a predator.

How old does she look now? Does she look like 5 years ago she could have passed for 21 once outside the venue?
At 15 /16 lots of my friends lied about their age and had older boyfriends. Now I'm older I question how the boyfriends bought it. A year ir 2 older maybe, but 5 years is a jump.
Anyway, if she had turned 16 by then that is the age of consent so it was legal and I wouldn't mention it. Unless you have work events they might meet at in which case maybe tell him since they'll recognise each other.

If it makes you feel sick to the stomach that's absolutely fine. You can leave him. You don't need our permission or his.

Bloody hell why are you all condoning this behaviour! This is how men’s lives get ruined. I’ll be teaching my sons to check a girls ID if they’re planning on having a ONS.

Don’t say anything. I think you’ll regret telling your friend too

What would be the point of telling him? They are no longer involved so it’s history. And he’s not going to be able to turn the clock back. If he was engaged to her and she was lying about something, that’s a whole other issue but that’s not what applies here.

There’s not nearly enough information for us to be able to infer that.

I think you’re going to tell him anyway so this thread is a bit pointless.

No! Why are you even thinking to mention this. He obviously thought she was a lot older.
Imagine if this was your son.

I think that poster was referring to a pp’s story of a 47 year old taking her virginity at 18, not OPs partner.

We don’t need anymore.

Really? I don't think I ever asked anyone's ages in clubs before I slept with them. Mental ticklist - they're in the club therefore they are at least 18 cos that's for the bouncers to worry about. I am also over 18. Do I fancy them. Yes. Job's a good'un.

What would you or your husband hope to achieve by telling your friend?

He cannot change what happened and,unless it's a pattern of fucking very young girls ( and that you know and don't approve for good reason), all it would seem to achieve is to make your friend very uncomfortable,

Maybe she’s lying now wanting to get on a grad scheme she’s a little old for - you just don’t know. Why would she mention how old she was in the workplace anyway?