To tell my friend the truth?

[OneOfTheTwo]

I’m a member of a large friend group and when we were younger we would regularly all go clubbing together. Mixture of Males and Females. We’re a bit older now so that has long died out.

There was one night we went out and one of my male friends had a one night stand. He was 25 at the time and I specifically remember the girl as I was chatting to her for ages. I remember her specifically as we got chatting about one of the tattoos on her arm (it was a niche show I like), she had loads of tattoos and she was wearing heavy goth makeup so unforgettable. I remember her telling me she was 21 and worked full time in an office as she said she “made loads of money”. Nothing more came from that one night stand with my friend.

Fast forward to yesterday and we’ve hired a new batch at work and I instantly recognised the girl but couldn’t place my finger on it. I was training her in one department and I spotted the tattoo and it all came back to me. I remembered her name and when I asked her it was definitely the same person. She told me she’d just graduated and was 21. I worked it out and that means she was 16 or 17 when we met her depending on her date of birth, so she must have had a fake ID to get into where we were. I obviously haven’t mentioned to her that I recognise her from that night.

Obviously this means my friend slept with her at the age of 16 when he was 25. Although legal is extremely questionable and I know he wouldn’t have done it if he knew. I told my partner when I got home as he is also friends with the guy and he thinks I need to tell him as he would want to know. I feel like I shouldn’t as what would it achieve apart from making him feel disgusting about herself? Personally I think I should just mind my own business here. We were all there that night, she was in a club and covered in tattoos!

WWYD?

Jesus don't tell him. She was over the age of consent and it was years ago. Not sure why you feel sick to your stomach he had no idea. And doesn't need to know

You saw the lady at the time and didn't think she was 16? So clearly she didn't look to anyone (partner you or bouncers) like a younger person.

So I'd just move on -but I'd probably mention the person turning up at your work as that's someone you would mention normally to your partner.

Genuine question what do you talk about? I’ve had lots of one nightstands from clubs. General convo usually goes name, age, work.

Don’t tell him. There’s really no need.

Goodness, just leave it. If you want to mention you saw your DP's former one night stand just mention that. I suppose you could tell him the girl claims to be 21 now. It doesn't really matter. Would it really be that disgusting anyway? Or must the age difference be within a certain confine? Sounds like based on the attack on someone saying they slept with a 47 year old. On the face of it many might think your DP must have been a predator then too, regardless of how old she said she was.

Checking IDs? Are you for real, don’t be silly.

And even if they did do this, they’d have fake ID to be in the pub/club in the first place.

A man did get off an underage rape charge as the girl told everyone she was 21 and everyone who saw her believed it. So he was charged but found not guilty even though she was under 16 so legally could not consent.

I'll have to google to find the case.

This.
You have no right to discuss who works with you outside of the workplace.

GDPR is an EU regulation and doesn't apply in the U.K.

Why in earth would you speak to him about something that happened years ago and has absolutely nothing g to do with you?
Unless you want to be smug and make him feel bad when he did nothing wrong?!

Slight difference-pleaded guilty but given absolute discharge -Scottish law.

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-edinburgh-east-fife-39305042.amp

Er, no, you're wrong. There's EU GDPR and UK GDPR (the latter being a facsimile of the former which the UK took wholesale on to our statute books following Brexit).

Cut to the chase here, look her up on ancestry.com and see for yourself exactly what age she is. That then ends your confusion entirely. Anything beyond that then ask yourself if you just want a drama to play out while you feed off another's emotions - who has done nothing illegal.

A chance to learn about yourself and gain wisdom going forward, I'd suggest.

How is he a predator if the op herself believed the girl was 21 and probably had fake ID that she could have shown him?

You need to ask yourself why you 'feel sick' about it, what you hope to gain by telling him, and what you will do if he doesn't react how you want him to. Or just keep it yourself - and stop gossiping to your friends.

WWYD. Absolutely nothing. And, girls of 16 have sex with slightly older men 😱
shocking, isn’t it.

I might mention it to my friend, to take the piss out of him. Other than that, I don't see what the issue is?

Dear God the bar is low for a lot of you.

I wouldn’t say anything - it wasn’t illegal, it was too long ago and it was a one off. There’s truly nothing to rehash.

Men’s lives get ruined? 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂you can’t be serious surely?

Rest assured your son’s could rape a woman and the most likely outcome by far would be that they stroll away consequence-free.

If you don’t know this you’re living a very blinkered life indeed.

If you tell him and it gets back to her she could get you into serious trouble. You can't take information you find out at work about a colleague and share it with people outside. That would be very unprofessional and a GDPR issue.

@OneOfTheTwo I'm confused about why you're so worked up about this OP? If she had been 15, I'd totally get it, but she was over the statutory age of consent and presumably presented as at least 18 otherwise she wouldn't have got into the club (and presumably you didn't doubt her being older either given that you spent some time in her company that night?). So why do you think your DP would hate himself? He thought he was having a fling with an adult and I'm guessing she didn't disavow him of that belief - unless you believe she did? Is that what's bugging you? I simply don't understand what you hope to achieve by telling him she lied about her age - what do you think will be the outcome of you telling him?

I do hope you got your full ten seconds of relief from that supercilious and useless comment.