To tell my friend the truth?

[OneOfTheTwo]

I’m a member of a large friend group and when we were younger we would regularly all go clubbing together. Mixture of Males and Females. We’re a bit older now so that has long died out.

There was one night we went out and one of my male friends had a one night stand. He was 25 at the time and I specifically remember the girl as I was chatting to her for ages. I remember her specifically as we got chatting about one of the tattoos on her arm (it was a niche show I like), she had loads of tattoos and she was wearing heavy goth makeup so unforgettable. I remember her telling me she was 21 and worked full time in an office as she said she “made loads of money”. Nothing more came from that one night stand with my friend.

Fast forward to yesterday and we’ve hired a new batch at work and I instantly recognised the girl but couldn’t place my finger on it. I was training her in one department and I spotted the tattoo and it all came back to me. I remembered her name and when I asked her it was definitely the same person. She told me she’d just graduated and was 21. I worked it out and that means she was 16 or 17 when we met her depending on her date of birth, so she must have had a fake ID to get into where we were. I obviously haven’t mentioned to her that I recognise her from that night.

Obviously this means my friend slept with her at the age of 16 when he was 25. Although legal is extremely questionable and I know he wouldn’t have done it if he knew. I told my partner when I got home as he is also friends with the guy and he thinks I need to tell him as he would want to know. I feel like I shouldn’t as what would it achieve apart from making him feel disgusting about herself? Personally I think I should just mind my own business here. We were all there that night, she was in a club and covered in tattoos!

WWYD?

Just put it out of your mind and forget about it, you're making a big drama out of a nothing event. People lie about their age, their jobs, their background, etc., all the time, and your DP did NOTHING WRONG!!

What will it achieve? Except making your partner feel like shit.

Nail. Head.

“I told my partner when I got home”

Did you, or is this made up?

Not a very friendly or helpful reply!

For goodness sake just forget about it. This really is none of your business. What possible good could it do to tell your friend that he may - based on your detective work and memory from a night out years ago - or of course may not - have slept with a woman with fake id who looked older than she was.

Like what would come of this??? Are you thinking you might finally make it onto Jeremy Kyle??

What a bizarre post...

None of your business whatsoever.

They both were willing participants, she was in a club where the admission was 21 and over. Your male friend did nothing wrong.

Be professional and stop thinking about what this woman might have done several years ago...

Read OP’s posts, it’s not a friend…

Why did you tell your friend? That feels like a breach of your DP's and work colleague's privacy. Telling your DP would be a selfish attempt to make yourself feel better by making him feel worse. When you met this girl in a club you obviously completely accepted her story, had no doubts about her being 21. Maybe she's lying about her age now.

Did you see the birth certificates of all the people you had one night stands with? Possibly you slept with someone very young who used fake ID.

If you and your partner are ok with the knowledge of each other’s sexual history then sleeping with this young girl is something that happened, that you knew about but at the time - when it might have been relevant - neither of you knew her age.

Let sleeping dogs lie is a good mantra to repeat to yourself.

Your DP slept with her with the understanding she was older than she was. His intent at that time was to sleep with a 21yo. What exactly does your friend think there is to gain from telling him she was 16 and him feeling shit about himself? He didn’t know??

Also you are breaching her confidentiality she is now a work colleague and would not expect her personal details to be shared externally to the work place - unless she gave you permission to do so.

Did you believe she was 21?
I had guys this age hitting on me when I was 14. They claimed they thought I was 18+ but looking back I don’t think they did.
However if he genuinely didn’t know/suspect it and you didn’t either then you shouldn’t feel that way about it. If it was your friend I would say don’t tell him, but as it’s your partner I’m not sure. Please deal with your own feelings first though so you can reassure him if he done nothing wrong.

Did you see the birth certificates of all the people you had one night stands with? Possibly you slept with someone very young who used fake ID.

I actually went out with and lost my virginity to someone who added two or three years to his age!

What would you hope to achieve by telling him?
Let it lie, no good can come of bringing it up

It became UK law under the Data Protection Act 2018. There were some slight changes to the EU for various reasons, Your ignorance might explain why in the last couple of months i Have had to deal with 4 companies strongly on their ignorance of the the UK data protection regulations.

Who cares? 16 isn't underage for a sexual relationship

This is all mindnumbingly irrelevant to anyone's life today

I’m sure he would - so why tell him? What’s he going to do? Build a time machine?

Lol. OP's next plot twist will be that she wasn't a human but was a Labrador, and her DP owned a puppy shop. And they all lived in an Antarctic research facility alone for 6 months.

I didn’t lie about my age. The men didn’t care. Idk if your friends were believable. Dh recently took dd to Paris without me. She’s 16. Most shop staff thought she was his wife and called her ‘Madame’. I didn’t get called Madame until I was around 30! Dd could easily pass for 25 btw and dh was pretty mortified.

I forgot to add op. I would leave if tbh. Your dp didn’t know and you can’t say anything without divulging her age, which you only know through information, which should be confidential.

I think the issue is more about you remembering that he has had he penis inside other women, and now someone you work with. Unless this is about collecting stores for a wank bank.

Nah, love, it's nothing to do with you

Honestly who gives a shit

She slept with a guy after a night out

I wouldn't tell him - it's not like he can go back in time and not do it.

Exactly this. This is all about OP's insecurity. Maybe this girl is attractive, confident (and definitely younger than OP! 😂) and she's having to work with her every day and it's bugging her that, at one point in time, her DP found this girl attractive enough to have a ONS with.
If you tell him OP, what if he doesn't "hate himself" or "feel sick about it"? And why should he when he did nothing wrong? What if you don't get the reaction you're clearly hoping for?
You need to stop pretending this is about your DP or the girl. It's about you. Get over it or end your relationship. Your DP has done nothing wrong and nothing to feel bad about, and you trying to make him feel like he has will certainly end your relationship.