To tell my friend the truth?

[OneOfTheTwo]

I’m a member of a large friend group and when we were younger we would regularly all go clubbing together. Mixture of Males and Females. We’re a bit older now so that has long died out.

There was one night we went out and one of my male friends had a one night stand. He was 25 at the time and I specifically remember the girl as I was chatting to her for ages. I remember her specifically as we got chatting about one of the tattoos on her arm (it was a niche show I like), she had loads of tattoos and she was wearing heavy goth makeup so unforgettable. I remember her telling me she was 21 and worked full time in an office as she said she “made loads of money”. Nothing more came from that one night stand with my friend.

Fast forward to yesterday and we’ve hired a new batch at work and I instantly recognised the girl but couldn’t place my finger on it. I was training her in one department and I spotted the tattoo and it all came back to me. I remembered her name and when I asked her it was definitely the same person. She told me she’d just graduated and was 21. I worked it out and that means she was 16 or 17 when we met her depending on her date of birth, so she must have had a fake ID to get into where we were. I obviously haven’t mentioned to her that I recognise her from that night.

Obviously this means my friend slept with her at the age of 16 when he was 25. Although legal is extremely questionable and I know he wouldn’t have done it if he knew. I told my partner when I got home as he is also friends with the guy and he thinks I need to tell him as he would want to know. I feel like I shouldn’t as what would it achieve apart from making him feel disgusting about herself? Personally I think I should just mind my own business here. We were all there that night, she was in a club and covered in tattoos!

WWYD?

He may not even remember her

I really think you need to mind your own business. It’s between them. It was legal. You weren’t his partner then.

Absolutely no point telling him

You're right that he'll probably feel shit about it, and likely disgusted with himself. What possible benefit is that going to be to him, you or the girl?

You can, but again not many teens do.

Also it would likely only be one or two tattoos, not multiple; school kids can’t afford loads of tatts.

It’s easier to lie to your employer about your age that to get adequate fake ID to fool a nightclub.

I really think the goth girl is older than 21 now.

He had a one night stand. If he cared about the age and identity of who he was sleeping with, he wouldn’t have done that in the first place. You seem overly invested in this.

Talk?! Uhhh name, what you drinking? You from around here? And probably by that point be sucking face... Not sure there was much more to talk about after that 😆

I wouldn’t say anything to either party. He clearly assumed she was older, she clearly had fake ID.

I think you're making too big of a deal out of this. You're DP did nothing wrong, it was legal, the woman obviously didn't look like a child otherwise you would have noticed it at the time, your DP was still young and it wasn't a huge age difference. Maybe there is some jealousy there or there is something else going on in your relationship which is making you want to make your DP feel shamed.

This is bonkers — why so overinvested in something (unfortunate but legal) that happened to someone else years ago?! You sound like one of those tedious people who loves to create drama. Wind yer beak in!

Don’t most jobs require you to show ID before they make an offer? For at least 8-10 years, I’ve had to send in a photocopy of my passport as proof of ID and (in some cases) so they could do a basic DBS check.
(I work in IT)

You said she would have been 16 or 17, depending on her birthday.
So maybe she was 17 at the time of the ONS.
Still under 18 yes, but 17 doesn’t seem quite so bad.
I agree he’s done nothing wrong anyway.

@OneOfTheTwo you met and talked to her for ages did you have any inclination she was anything other than the 21 she said or you assumed she was.

because that is key if you also thought she was 21 and she gave the impression she was what is the issue

I would tell him but it honestly wouldn’t bother me too much. More of a ‘hey, guess what?’ anecdote.

You and DP were not together then, she was at the age of consent, they had a consensual one night stand. I think the fact that she is in your working life now and you know your partner had sex with her is the real issue here. She lied, but who didn’t at that age?
Telling your DP would serve no purpose, what would he do with that information? What would be the point?
Leave the past were it belongs, it has no place in the here and now.

But you believed she was 21. She obviously looked like a 21 year-old so that's what your partner thought as well. He's only to blame if he thought she was really young.

Why on earth are you worrying about something that happened years ago and is none of your business. Nothing illegal has happened.

What good would come from telling him other than making him feel absolute shit. She lied and used fake I'd and it was wrong but thankfully she was of legal age.

Are you short of something to do ??

Your partner was 25 had a couple of drinks and most probably don't even remember her. Just because he's your partner I may tell him to get it out of your chest, I wouldn't tell it if he were a random friend. Had he known she was 16 he would have probably not gone with her so sounds like he was mislead.

WOW ! Wait until Human Resources discover this girl's private life all over Mumsnet / Social Media...

No need to mention anything. Don’t be a shit stirrer

100%.

In what way is the OP breaching GDPR?

Does anyone else ever read threads and wonder what the point of them is, and therefore whether someone might be just be enjoying hearing women talking about their teenage sexual experiences with older men 🤔.

I think you're right.