To have refused my DPs mate a lift home?

[LiftRefuser]

DP and his mate are mid-40s. Last night, DP collected his mate from his house, drove back here and parked his car, then they both walked to the pub.

At 11.30pm, both come in the house, being loud and disturbing me, our 10 year old and toddler who was sleeping. I settled both kids and got back into bed. At midnight, DP comes bowling in and says I need to give his mate a lift home. It’s a 15 minute drive there, then the same back. I refused as I’d already been woken twice, was in my pyjamas, annoyed at the whole situation and frankly, couldn’t be arsed with an half an hour drive after a long weeks work at midnight.

DP was very put out at my refusal as ‘his mate’s wife would be really annoyed’ as he was meant to be back that same night. There are no taxis in our area at that time either, so he really had no way of getting home. I said I was sorry, but they should have thought of that before both getting too drunk to drive. His mate ended up staying over in the spare room and DP drove him back home earlier today. Apparently his wife had gone berserk at him.

DP is still pissed at me today and thinks it wouldn’t have been a big deal for me to do it and he would have done it for me / one of my mates.

AIBH?

Absolutely not unreasonable. If he needed you to help out his mate, he should have asked before going out! Not just assumed he could ask you at midnight to get his mate back. You aren't the arsehole here, he is

It's not your problem is it?! They decided to get drunk. If you had done it, they'd keep doing it. Best you didn't really, so they stop it.

Both to blame for choosing to live out in the uncivilised world. I'll never understand why people choose to live in places with no basic amenities.

He's pissed off? I'd give him both barrels OP - what a selfish pair of arseholes. I can see how it happened when he was steaming but I'm amazed he wasn't shame faced in the morning.

I misread the title originally and thought it said “DS” and was expecting to think you were unreasonable,

However, DP’s mate because they’d gone to the pub and not thought about getting home? Totally reasonable to refuse - they’re grown men and any late night lifts should have been agreed in advance. Especially given the young children.

If your DP’s friend’s wife wasn’t prepared to taxi him - why should you? (And im not suggesting she should have either - just saying you have even less obligation)

I'd have said to phone his wife to say he was sleeping on the sofa and could she pick him up.un the morning.

You should knock this back at your husband and tell him if it's ok to disturb you, it's ok to disturb his wife with a phone call. At least her husband could have slept it off safely

As it stands, they are still a pair of k***s for not making proper taxi arrangements.

If he had asked /arranged for a lift before they went out it would have been different

how did he think he was getting home ?

you were in bed asleep

friend could have booked a taxi before hand

being a Fri night there prob was taxis just would have been a wait

why couldn’t wife have picked him up tho guess they had kids

not your problem tbh

lucky you had a spare bedroom or always the sofa

and dh had to get up early and drive back - he was prob still over the limit if they were that drunk

Why couldn't his wife come and get him? Or is it ok to disturb the OP, but not the mate's wife? This should never have become the OP's problem

Having just assumed that I'd say yes, get dressed and do it then I'd definitely say no.

If they had asked in advance, then I would have said yes, and not got ready for bed etc

Your "DP" is a piece of 💩.
No way would I put myself out for anyone like that.
🪛 Screw him and his mate 👍

Have you had a child with this drunken piece of muck?
Have you inflicted him on your 10 year old.
Two men waking the house up, demanding you get up and drive, being abusive when you refuse and now giving you the silent treatment?

You are with scum.
Your poor children.
Pack a bag for him is how you deal with scum.

What a pointless comment.

This doesn't even make sense.

YANBU. I wouldn’t want to leave drunk husband at home with two children for 30 mins

I would have taken him home but I would have still been up so as long as I'd not had wine I would have dropped him home.

Tell him you are not a taxi service and it’s about time he grew up, What an arse.

Would your DH have done it for one of your mates? Or go out of his way to help one of your mates? If so, then I’d have done it. Sometimes we put ourselves right out for the people we love.

If your DH wouldn’t have helped in the reverse situation, then no, unless you really liked his mate and his wife.

Which part?

She was in bed. Why should she get up to drive her husband's drunken friend home?
It's not just half an hour in the middle of the night? Her husband was unreasonable to ask her.
It's not her fault his wife was upset. She would probable be equally upset if he arrived home drunk.

You're a good un.

Oh get a life. She doesn't need to bow down to her partner's drunk friend when she has been woken twice because they are irresponsible children.

So your partner was full of the joys too I’m assuming? If so he’s really not safe to be looking after the kids while you were dropping his friend off! So let your husband be an entitled ass 🤷🏼‍♀️

Except she might have kids asleep in bed and nobody to stay with them.

I would have done it. It wouldn’t have been a big deal to me.

I think sometimes men can’t win because they are wrong for waking the wife but if he’s just had his mate stay over without telling her first he’d also be wrong and this would be a post about how unreasonable it was for a DH to have his mate stay over without asking first.

on a selfish level I’d also much rather drive someone home at night than be stuck with them the next morning.

Yanbu he could of

• phoned his own wife for a lift
• not drank and drove
• if your DH was so concerned he could of not drank and drove

Yeah fuck that. What was their plan?! They could have asked you earlier in the day, they just assumed you would do it!