My partner not wanting my mum to see my new baby

[Joelm1066]

I have recently had a baby boy with my partner. We have been together for six years. In the course of our relationship she has not got on well with my mother. My mum can be a bit tactless, but she has a good heart. However, my partner wants very limited contact with her despite my mum reaching out and trying to improve relations between them. After 6 years I have come to accept that she doesn’t want regular contact with her. However, since the birth of our child 8 days ago, she is insisting that she wants to wait at least a month before my mum sees the child even though he has met all of her close family and close friend. She says that it is because she only wants contact with people she’s comfortable around, but I think I have a right to introduce my child to his grandmother sooner than a month. AIBU?
It’s causing me a great deal of sadness and stress at a time when I should be happy. I don’t really know what to do.

Such an over-reaction. The mother is simply asking for 4 weeks. That's all. MIL is not being "banned". Now go on, mocking 'laugh' react to my comment like you have to the others....

It's quite sad reading this. So many women post on here how their partners are no help with the baby then this thread is full of comments suggesting that the mother's feelings are more important than the father's. Is there any wonder there's so many useless men out there when they don't get a say in their child's life from the start.

You clearly haven't followed the thread. Bluesky has attacked me continuously through the thread. Give your head a wobble or put your reading glasses on!

Its not "fucking unfair" for the mother to want 4 weeks with her baby before MIL sees them. That's standard advice on mumsnet.

wtf!!! he is the FATHER of that baby, he has a say too.

They do, and in all honesty, my kids were closer to my parents than my ILs. My parents took much more interest in the children. ILs split, FIL disappeared totally off the radar just after youngest was born.

TBH on occasion I gave off to my mum about MIL, and she would always say, "you have to remember, she's their granny too!" She had just as much opportunity to access our children as my parents did, because anything else just wouldn't have been fair.

You're the one who is acting like the MIL and thinking you truly should have possession of the baby!

It's your baby too. You have a say in whether or not your mother can meet the child sooner rather than later. Your partner can rest upstairs while your mother visits.
She needs to realise that your mother has feelings - she should now she's a mother herself. She cannot use the baby as a weapon to hurt your mother, no matter how she feels about her.

It is totally fucking unfair especially since the maternal side has already see them!!

I don't know if you have children but don't you have the imagination to put yourself in that woman's shoes??!

Why does the mother's wishes trump the other parents? Is it a partnership? Will the mother expect an involved partner or a slave to do her bidding and God forbid they go against me?

A say. Not the final say. The mother is the one who has that. Its her who carried the baby, gave birth, and now is recuperating from birth and breastfeeding.

That's in the delivery sweet not for life

What! No one is saying the MIL should have possession of the baby….. what are you talking about?

Because that is the mother's choice! And its natural the mother's mum would see the baby first! That is normal!

It's your baby too, surely you should also have a say as to when your mother can see the baby.
I hated my MIL but I would never have stopped her seeing her grandchildren until a month after they were born. such a nasty vindictive thing to do.

That's a load of crap.

FOUR WEEKS that woman is being left waiting to see this baby, her son's son. She will have been euphoric and happy when the baby was born, and now she's being left deflated, relegated from day 1 to less-important-grandma when the other grandma has met the child within the week.

And you don't see that as being cruel? What is the matter with you?!

I have followed it from the beginning and tbh you sound more unhinged with every comment. Sorry if you feel that’s another attack 🤷‍♀️

I don’t think the partner would be against her coming over if she was a hoarder though, do you? 😅

The behaviours mentioned by the OP directly affect his partner during a vulnerable time - being judged, unwanted advice being tactless. Why should she have to deal with that whilst recon in from birth?

It is the OPs place to bat this unkind behaviour back when it happens, to enforce a boundary that clearly hasn’t been respected. I suspect he doesn’t want to upset his mum by putting her in her place, so he turns a blind eye.

If he isn’t willing to catch the bullets she fires at his partner, he cannot expect her to stand in the firing line.

That's not to say when the baby is a bit older he can’t go see her independently of his partner long term.

@IdylicDay is it natural that non family members would see the baby before actual family? Imagine how you'd feel being the OP and the mother is basically saying his family are not good enough.

No, what is normal is for both grandmothers to meet the child early doors.

That is what is RIGHT and what is FAIR!

The blood relationship to both grandmas is exactly the same. The maternal granny does not have a premium over the other one!!!

The one who sounds unhinged are you and Bluesky who have stalked me around the thread attacking me.

Why should the mothers mum see the child first? What about the fathers mum, she is also a grandparent,
So the mothers mum can see the child soon after the birth but the fathers mum is to be made to wait a month

We don't even know if she is breastfeeding!!

On the basis of stats, she's probably not!

Too funny!

Do you ever consider your use of hyperbole? Like ever. It’s really doing you a disservice. Since when has following a thread become stalking?