My partner not wanting my mum to see my new baby

[Joelm1066]

I have recently had a baby boy with my partner. We have been together for six years. In the course of our relationship she has not got on well with my mother. My mum can be a bit tactless, but she has a good heart. However, my partner wants very limited contact with her despite my mum reaching out and trying to improve relations between them. After 6 years I have come to accept that she doesn’t want regular contact with her. However, since the birth of our child 8 days ago, she is insisting that she wants to wait at least a month before my mum sees the child even though he has met all of her close family and close friend. She says that it is because she only wants contact with people she’s comfortable around, but I think I have a right to introduce my child to his grandmother sooner than a month. AIBU?
It’s causing me a great deal of sadness and stress at a time when I should be happy. I don’t really know what to do.

Because most of us are mums and know that giving birth doesn't give you an unlimited pass to your own grudges or preferences.

Calm down yourself! The MOTHER has the final say. Not the male. End of!

And most of us know you don't just take an 8 day old newborn off the mother's breast and take it somewhere else!!

Don’t be ridiculous, you are getting all wound up about something that dosent even involve you….have you asked yourself why…..

Wow so many awful DILs on this thread 😮

heteronormative

Oh ffs!

You're the one being ridiculous and getting wound up. Stop gaslighting.

End off….😂😂😂😂, you don’t really get to make the decision on this, are you capable of understanding that, you are not the parent in this situation

Hmm, you’ve just said that you let your smoker MIL around your babies, knowingly risking their health, because basically you didn’t want to hurt her feelings. I’m not sure that your opinion of what is cruel has much credence.

Exactly, the responses are being batshit crazy. Either MILs posting or MRAs.

4 emoticons. You are really really losing it. Calm down!

I wouldn't. I would give the mum the choice to have the baby taken to MIL or MIL come to the house.

8-day-olds don't need to be ripped of the breast (how ridiculous, it sounds like an unserious parody rather than a real accusation!), they spend plenty of their time asleep and I am sure mum could do with a nap too.

Nonsense. You don't have to be a MIL to see how fucking unfair this is!!

I don't know what the hell is wrong with some people!

But you do understand that you don’t get to decide the outcome here, don’t you?

From the way you were commenting it seemed like you got very confused and thought that you did and your decision was final

She smokes
She is judgemental
She offers unsolicited advice
She is tactless

I feel like Op has worded this in a way to minimise how bad his mum is here in order to get the responses he wants.

OP, you should be sticking up for your partner here when she does the above behaviours. She doesn’t sound respectful of your partner at all.

Given she has only given birth a few days ago, I would park it for now. Who would want someone around them during a vulnerable time that does the above? It’s time to look at your mother’s behaviour here too. She doesn’t come across perfect.

The most hyperbolic reactions and exclamation marks are very much not where the majority opinion in the polling is at...

I've never given birth myself, but I would imagine that someone who has will probably feel more comfortable with their own mother rather than their partner's.

How can anyone push the I'm to ill for visitors if the rest of the world have been visiting?

But your mum doesn't have to be perfect for you to be allowed to introduce your own child to her. It's your mum and your child.

She can be a hoarder, she can be mean, she can be catty, she can be whatever. As long as she is not in that particular situation a danger to the child (immediate danger, no nonsense about third-hand smokin UNLESS the mother agrees never to take the child into a city either and does that even with her own friends she dearly likes), the son (daughter?) is allowed to show their own child to them.

It's not the grandmother's rights, it's the parent's right.

Exactly

You're right. I should have offed her to protect my precious munchkins, who saw her maybe a couple of times a year!! 😂😂😂She never, ever minded them. Does that make you any happier?

So, what would you have done then? Banned the woman from our lives forever?

I don't think any of your 'opinions' have much credence tbh. You should write a novel, because you are really good at fiction!

OK then, I'm a shite mother whose kids should be taken into care - is that what you want me to say??? Seeing as I have successfully reared them to adulthood, I don't think your ramblings are having any effect on me!!! 😂

It really is I'm starting to feel we are looking for any reason to justify being selfish. Childbirth has never been great but now we have to use it as the latest excuse not to be able to cope.