My partner not wanting my mum to see my new baby

[Joelm1066]

I have recently had a baby boy with my partner. We have been together for six years. In the course of our relationship she has not got on well with my mother. My mum can be a bit tactless, but she has a good heart. However, my partner wants very limited contact with her despite my mum reaching out and trying to improve relations between them. After 6 years I have come to accept that she doesn’t want regular contact with her. However, since the birth of our child 8 days ago, she is insisting that she wants to wait at least a month before my mum sees the child even though he has met all of her close family and close friend. She says that it is because she only wants contact with people she’s comfortable around, but I think I have a right to introduce my child to his grandmother sooner than a month. AIBU?
It’s causing me a great deal of sadness and stress at a time when I should be happy. I don’t really know what to do.

The word ‘toxic’ is bandied around too much. I feel sorry for the MIL. I have had 3 children, and would NEVER have refused my MIL access. It is cruel.

Who the hell does she think she is?!

She is the MOTHER who gave birth to this child 8 days ago!! That is who she is @VegTrug ! As the mother it is her choice when MIL sees the baby! Not the man's.

the problem as I see it is that when my partner is confronted with someone she doesn’t like she finds it very difficult to have a relationship of detached civility. She responds in quite extreme ways and tries to block them from her life completely and my mum has been quite hurt and confused by this.

Very risky to have a child with someone like that. If you ever split up, you'll have trouble fighting for contact with your child.

I only noticed one but it was such a fucking stupid idea, I didn't pay it any heed!

@changecandles The OP is the male, the father.

Why? It's his baby too.

Some of the comments on here tonight. Bloody hell.

Given so many people on here have nightmare MIL - why are so many people leaping to the support of someone that the MOTHER has made clear she wants to wait before having around? And not forever either. A month. While she’s vulnerable, bleeding and breastfeeding?

Anyone suggesting the partner take an 8 day old away from its mother is deranged. “Oh slink them out for a walk in the pram”, “you have a right to…”, “just take them”.

What the hell am I reading.

His baby is 8 days old. 8 days.

I’m not patronising you. I cannot fathom knowingly putting a child’s health at the risk for the sake of not hurting someone’s feelings.

@NiftyKoala OP's partner is the mother who gave birth. OP is the male, the father. And OP's partner, the mother, is the one whose wishes trump her male partner's. She gave birth to his child only 8 days ago!

So what?! My in-laws met my baby on day 1 as did my own mum. Why is that such a big deal if other people have already visited anyway?

Well bully for you but I couldn't bring myself to exclude my MIL from my children's lives. I just had to manage it as best I could. Fortunately they didn't see her all that often. It never caused them any harm and MIL is long dead.

I'm sure tactless granny could be warned to rein it in.

Funny how so many posters here have perfect people in their lives or cuts them out at the drop of a hat.

Your MIL probably wasn’t a nightmare. It isn’t cruel. It’s the mother’s prerogative. And that’s a hill I’ll die on.

No, I don't need to 'calm down' 'dear', and if you are suggesting the man take the baby and go to his mothers, ripping baby from the breastfeeding mother's breast is exactly what you are suggesting!!

People keep repeating this as if being pregnant and giving birth gives the mother some kind of superiority and right to be a complete arsehole. It doesn't. People give birth all the time and behave civilly. I did.

Well I hope the same gets done to you. It's brutally cruel.

Calm down!!! The FATHER has a say as-well! BOTH are the child’s parents

Not when she is being so cruel and unreasonable.

That's what normal, decent, rational people do.

It's not about whether the grandmother has a right to see the baby (she doesn't as such), it's about whether the dad or second mum has the right to invite people to his/her own house and his/her own baby. Which he clearly does, as over 90% of people here clearly agree.

The mum sounds like she is just being spiteful, but even if she wer genuinely overwhelmed, she is in the wrong and just because she feels something, doesn't mean DP has to follow her on everything.

If she didn't trust him to change a nappy? He still has the right to and ought to be given a chance. If she wants the baby to only wear the clothes she picked out? Not the hill I'd die on, but certainly mum is in the wrong. If she thinks she gets to decide who the dad invites to the house and sees the baby up to his closest relatives? Hell no.

Read the OPs post properly, @valentinka31 . OP's partner is not saying MIL can't meet the baby, just that she wants a month. FFS, She's 8 days post partum! That's not too much to ask! No need to get a solicitor when MIL is going to meet the baby in a month. You are being ridiculous.

She is not being cruel and she is being more than reasonable, under the circumstances! More than reasonable!

You do need to calm down!!!! The MIL can come to see the baby…..NOONE a suggested the child be RIPPED a from the mothers breast, the child could also be taken to the MILs place between feeding times if she lived close by…..the BLODDY point is that the MIL could see the baby at the most convenient location without the mother