Does it sound like my DD is normal for 10 years old?

[Normal10yoYesorNo]

DD is 10, school year 6, will be 11 in 2025 but is the youngest in her year (end of July birthday).

ExH is insisting I baby her and that she’s too old to play with toys. Her school, however, have not raised any concerns from her play - they have a common room area for year 5s and 6s with age appropriate toys etc which DD loves, each class gets an hour a week in this common room (3 form entry school) and they’ve said DD plays fine with other girls (she rarely plays with the boys) and they play in an age appropriate way.

So does this sound normal:

• Loves baby dolls – dresses them, feeds them, puts them to bed, talks to them while she’s doing it. Hands them to her friends/me/her grandparents/teacher to “look after” and tells us how to do it before going off to play with other toys
• Also loves barbie dolls – dresses them up, has fashion shows, plays them as baby/dog/whatever sitter, brushes their hair. The children/baby barbies go to School and Guides etc while the adults do “boring” (her words) things like shopping and work
• Loves card games like Uno and Snap
• Loves some simpler board games like snakes and ladders
• Loves Lego – builds houses, zoos, farms and schools but never vehicles or space station or similar (I think we had a church once but it was a one off). Has most of the animal sets and always builds big multi people houses/places then has the animals running wild looking for their owners/keepers, she finds this hilarious and plays it a lot – she doesn’t build particular sets as such but asks for the general boxes or specific ones if they have people/animals in she wants
• She plays with things together so often the Lego Animals end up being the pets of the barbies etc.
• Loves Stuffed Animals and has many – she likes to put on shows with these, she sings and leaps about while they watch.
• Likes craft activities like card making, simple sewing, badge making – she absolutely loves glitter, stickers, glue, sequins etc.
• Likes baking cakes and bread/pizzas with me
• Her clothes still have characters like Stitch and Barbie on
• Her glasses are Crayola with a rainbow pattern on the side
• Her hearing aids are Blue one side and Pink the other (her choice)
• Her chosen extra curricular are Guides (Girlguides) and Choir – she could do more than 2 but chooses not to
• Still believes in Santa (although I plan to tell her the truth in the summer before she goes to secondary school)
• Starting to get into makeup for parties, discos at school etc. but doesn’t want it for general wear yet

ExH thinks she should be into none character clothes, makeup for the full face and skincare, grownup games like trivial pursuit and monopoly. He hasn’t bought her a single toy since she was about 8 saying she’s way too old. He thinks she should be more interested in her phone and tablet (don’t get me wrong she wants to use them and does but never asks to go on them, she’d rather play – the phone is for walking home from school and the tablet we take to appointments with us). He thinks her glasses need to be upgraded to designer labels so she “fits in” with her friends and her hearing aids should be changed to be less babyish. He thinks her activities should also be more grown up and has suggested Gymnastics and a language Class (She turned her nose up at Gymnastics and says she’s learning French at school so doesn’t want to do anymore yet, her potential secondary school offer French, Spanish, Mandarin and German as Extra Curriculars so she can always pick them up there – I am happy to pay for these if school ask me to)

For Christmas he bought her a TV for her room there and a playstation 5 with a couple of age 12 games as she’s “too old for toys now” which she says she isn’t really bothered by and wants to spend more time with me so she can play. When asked why age 12 games he said anything for age 7 up and younger seemed “babyish”.

For Christmas I got her some barbies, a bit more Lego (she has loads of the stuff), a few soft toys (including a dancing stitch thing that she would take absolutely everywhere with her if given the chance) and some clothes.

ExH thinks he ideal day out should be a grown up 12 or 15 movie followed by a meal at an Indian restaurant. Whereas I took her to the circus and out for pizza after during October Half Term and she still acts out her favourite bits of the circus with her toys now.

Don’t get me wrong, she’s not a fussy eater at all, eats most things but she will reject an entire meal still if she so much as sniffs the foods she doesn’t like and spicy is one of her things she doesn't like (anything spicy, even a tiny bit of onion can be too spicy). She also is very grown up in other areas. She very quickly mastered tying her school tie, always check she has her pin badges for school and guides on her uniform (and with guides makes sure they're in the correct place and can move them herself if they're not), sews her own badges onto her guides uniform (but can't do her camp blanket herself yet), she brushes her own hair (i still help her tie it up and wash it), cleans and looks after her own glasses and hearing aids, will take our dog on a short walk alone locally (unfamiliar areas or longer walks she still wants me with her), can feed the dog and knows to check her water bowl and refill it without me reminding her, will walk herself to Guides (but has to have an adult pick her up due to end time - which is fair enough), walks home from school 3 nights a week with her friends, makes her own bed in the morning etc. so she isn't by any means held back.

She does have a minor speech delay as well as hearing issues which need aids. She also has had glasses since age 3. School have absolutely no concerns about her, say she’s bang on academically in most subjects (it’s things which are more wordy like English and things requiring balance like PE she struggles in, she takes her aids out for PE so that is probably why). Audiology and ENT have never raised any concerns at all about her emotional age.

Does my DD sound normal for her age?

As I type this she’s emptying the lego box to make a rescue centre for abandoned animals, chattering away about what pieces she wants and why.

ExH says this isn't normal and i need to encourage more grownup activities for her. ExH has DD for 2 nights EOWend, no extra (his own choice) and DD is both of ours only child but ExH has neices and nephews where I don't so don't know whether I am just not used to knowing what is normal.

Vote:
YANBU - DD sounds normal for her age
YABU - DD sounds a bit babied/young for her age

Does he have a new partner with a daughter of a similar age? If so, he might be looking at what she is into and comparing her with your daughter.

She sounds lovely.

Ive just been to visit my 10 year old niece. While we were there she read a lot, played mario kart, did some painting. She's not at all interested in makeup. She's not so much into dolls but obsessed with cats & has lots of cuddly cats, pusheen pyjamas etc.

Some of your DDs games & activities do sound a bit simple/easy. I wouldn't count monopoly as a "more grown up game", my 8 year old loves it (adult version not junior), I think by 10/11 lots of children get into board games that have a bit more going on than snakes and ladders, and basic glitter/sticker crafts are often replaced by things requiring a bit more skill like french or normal knitting, watercolour paints or pottery. Maybe encourage her to extend her skills a bit with things like her sewing - i think things like this give DC a bit more mature things to talk about/do with friends that aren't screen based as they get older. If she likes sewing etc she might enjoy makimg changes to her clothes etc which is both fun & age appropriate

The only babyish parts are the playing with dolls and barbies

It really isn't. Imaginative play is absolutely age appropriate.

People give three year olds Barbies but those children are much older before they are able to play with them properly. It sad that as a society we think that makeing young children act like they are five years older is an achievement. It's an awful thing to do to them and, even if it's happening a lot, it shouldn't be considered normal or a stick to measure other children by.

My DD is a year younger and also summer born. She's similar to your DD in some ways, but the problem is she's starting to feel pressured to be more 'grown up' - not from us but from peers. I think it's actually fantastic that your DD is comfortable being who she is.

My DD would probably get on really well with your DD and I would love for her to have a friend like that! Your DD sounds absolutely delightful.

Its hard because although I do think this is lovely and kids do grow up to fast I would be slightly concerned about her fitting in with friends and would be worried about her being left out

Mine is 10 also year 6.

She likes stitch but won’t wear any clothes with it on. Also liked the Barbie movie but stopped playing with Barbie’s are 8. She still gets a single Barbie at Christmas as it’s a running joke Dad buys her a Barbie every Christmas & this year she still found it funny which was sweet.

She has a phone, has to be reminded to charge it but got a laptop for Christmas and sits reading medical things. Today she’s made us a presentation on cancer..

Loves her skincare. They are all into bubble skincare in her friendship group so she does that twice a day, puts dove everyday glow moisturiser on but she does 7 hours of ballet a week along with park runs, weekly Pilates and recently a kids strength and conditioning class at the gym. She often has various kids films on during her tv time in her room or series like Sam and Cat and most mornings or when getting ready Alexa is playing & she’s singing along. Saves her pocket money for particular makeup (glosses mainly) and perfumes.

Clothes wise, we’ve moved away from leggings for every outfit and she likes to put outfits together based on her style. Today for example was flare new look jeans, white fox hoodie, uggs, heartless curls and a oversized winter coat. Tomorrow we are out and she’s put out tights, tweed skirt, roll neck jumper and a MAC style coat with biker boots. She gets a budget for clothes every quarter and can pick what she wants but the last 13-16 months she’s opted and found clothes on Vinted as she’s figured out herself she gets more for the money especially if she can make bundles.

She walks to and from home (approx 1 mile), goes to the shop on her own and can confidently make purchases. Since she was 7 we’ve taught her how to cook and once a week she cooks tea - with us in the kitchen but it’s her meal she’s found online to cook, she goes into the shop to purchase whatever she needs that we don’t have in and has learnt forward meal planning as a result. More recently we’ve started letting her stay home for 60-90 minutes on her own ie when taking the baby swimming on a Saturday morning she’ll much rather stay and get ready for dance but often we’ve come back and she’s emptied the dishwasher or washing machine as it’s finished whilst I’ve been out despite not being asked.

I don’t think she believes in Santa anymore but she won’t ever admit that to me as she loves the magic of it all. She loves imaginary play and has had more fun with her 16 month old baby sister’s play kitchen than she has! Oh and she doesn’t own or ever owned a video game console or iPad so don’t let your ex define that as being ‘grown up’.

Mine has had to grow up in some aspects quicker than others due to various factors but also being around older girls through the various clubs over the years I think has influenced her maturity a little.

Your daughter sounds ace and your ex sounds like a twat who has no knowledge of child development. Ignore him and get her more Barbies.

Kids are all different and that's fine. My cousin and I are the same age and at 10 she was VERY into boys, make up, clothes etc (I remember her calling the helpline that was set up after Take That disbanded multiple times 🤣).

I was into outdoorsy stuff mainly, still building dens, climbing trees and going horseriding etc. No interest in clothes whatsoever. I loved a board game night and still played lego (and Sylvanian Families 😬). I've turned out fine (as has my cousin!)

Honestly your daughter sounds perfectly normal.

Exactly this. I'd also be a bit concerned at his insistence that a 10 year old should be in a full face of makeup.

Mine is couple months away from your DD and your sounds pretty much like mine. Plays with dolls, soft toys, Barbie, squishy mellows, recent visit to Selfridges she picked only a Jellycat soft toy and it goes everywhere with her (until dethroned by the next one!). She still sleeps with her childhood fav toy, loves UNO, art & painting, jenga. Doesn't have huge interest in Lego, complex board games, online gaming or other gaming etc. she does have a tablet but I'm actively keeping her away from it as much as possible and she's ok with it. Huge TV buff!! Zero interest in skincare or makeup. I don't allow it at all. Even her older sister isn't much interested. Overall very basic lifestyle.
I don't know if this matters but she goes to an independent school and isn't influenced by her peers - some of whom are into gaming/ sport/specific stationary or shoes etc.

Yours sounds totally ok and I would be holding off DH from pushing her into growing up too soo with makeup/Screens etc. just why?

She sounds lovely and perfect OP. I have a 10yo daughter who sounds similar. Enjoy it while you can as it may not last much longer. They are sweet and wholesome and practicing their life skills in age appropriate ways.

There is all the time in the world for them to watch screens, wear skimpy clothes and change themselves to be pleasing to the male eye…. None of it should happen a day before they are ready.

also all our kids should know they are valuable just as they are.

She sounds lovely. There is absolutely no need for her to grow up quickly. Perhaps the only thing i would say would be washing her own hair? But you did mention that hearing aids could make this trickier for her?

I am 28 have a 2 year old and partner but I sleep with a stitch cuddly toy, my 31 year old partners bunny sits next to us on the bedside as he is too delicate to come into bed now.

Maybe your ex just wants her to fit in and not be bullied, but he is going about it in a dickish way. His opinions about make up and screen time are ludicrous.

I have a wonderful family member in her late 40s. She (nor I) never wears full face makeup and she uses her imagination every day as a theatre director! Cherish it OP and nurture it… what do you think writers, artists and playwrights are like as kids? It’s wonderful to be able to use imagination and helps with all sorts of jobs - and life skills like problem solving!
I hope my DD continues to use her imagination for a life time and I’ll be damned pleased if she never wears full face makeup!

Aw she sounds like a lovely girl OP!

And I meant to say, she sounds like such a happy child with so many interests which are age appropriate. Some of her peers will be into older interests but she's still so young, there's no reasons for to not continue doing the things she loves.

‘Normal’ is such a spectrum! Your daughter sounds both ‘normal’ (whatever that is) and lovely. Takes a strong will to not give in to peer/commercial pressure to grow up far too quickly these days.

I have two girls, one was in a precocious friendship group with tiktok at 9, Snapchat at 10, make up in year 6 and wanting to wear tiny dresses in year 7 - on a prepubescent body. Age 15 she’s now starting to go to parties with alcohol and that’s a whole new scary thing at what feels like a very young age (although I was also experiencing at that age, albeit I was not honest with my parents, so we’re grateful for that).

the other had dolls very ‘late’, got sylvanian families for Christmas at age 12, still loves soft toys at 13, and chooses friends who share her love of play and books. No make up and not an inkling of interest yet. When friends come round, they play hide and seek, tag and their conversation is very ‘young’ compared to my eldest at the same age.

i know which one feels more healthy and which child is naturally happier, and not pretending to be anything except herself. We are gently guiding the other through a long journey of self discovery!

kids are all different. Embrace that and be glad your daughter has the strength to be her authentic self.

Her dad, on the other hand, sounds genuinely weird.

Sheffield sounds ...... absolutely beautiful. Don't change a thing 🥰

Does he have a sister or new girlfriend? An older niece? Not to pin the blame on women, but he’s getting these ideas somewhere.

Agree with your ExH, she sounds quite immature and childish. Especially with still believing in Santa, that should have been nipped in the bud a long time ago ffs.

‘Immature and childish’… she’s a child. They’re supposed to be childish.

She sounds lovely and your ex sounds vile. Why does he wanted his child to wear a full face of makeup and skincare products? This would really concern me.

She likes what she likes. I know plenty of adults into Lego, cos play, model trains, puzzles etc.
yes she doesn’t sound like a typical kid her age but so what. If she’s happy that is all that matters. She sounds like my dd. Always a bit different to other kids, labelled a geek etc. it’s a label she wears with pride. What’s wrong with being a bit different?
Leave her be. She sounds delightful. If she ever gets upset that she is bullied or whatever then that is the time to step in and do something. Until then please leave her be.

She sounds like an absolute joy ❤️ My daughter is 10 and I wish she were still into these things! Creepy that your ex wants her to grow up so fast. Most dads can’t bear the thought of their little girl growing up and want the opposite. Saying she should be wearing make up? Sounds like he can’t be arsed to be a parent anymore and wants to just do what he wants and bring her along. Ignore him, she’s perfect the way she is.

Wow a child acting childish. Whatever next!