Does it sound like my DD is normal for 10 years old?

[Normal10yoYesorNo]

DD is 10, school year 6, will be 11 in 2025 but is the youngest in her year (end of July birthday).

ExH is insisting I baby her and that she’s too old to play with toys. Her school, however, have not raised any concerns from her play - they have a common room area for year 5s and 6s with age appropriate toys etc which DD loves, each class gets an hour a week in this common room (3 form entry school) and they’ve said DD plays fine with other girls (she rarely plays with the boys) and they play in an age appropriate way.

So does this sound normal:

• Loves baby dolls – dresses them, feeds them, puts them to bed, talks to them while she’s doing it. Hands them to her friends/me/her grandparents/teacher to “look after” and tells us how to do it before going off to play with other toys
• Also loves barbie dolls – dresses them up, has fashion shows, plays them as baby/dog/whatever sitter, brushes their hair. The children/baby barbies go to School and Guides etc while the adults do “boring” (her words) things like shopping and work
• Loves card games like Uno and Snap
• Loves some simpler board games like snakes and ladders
• Loves Lego – builds houses, zoos, farms and schools but never vehicles or space station or similar (I think we had a church once but it was a one off). Has most of the animal sets and always builds big multi people houses/places then has the animals running wild looking for their owners/keepers, she finds this hilarious and plays it a lot – she doesn’t build particular sets as such but asks for the general boxes or specific ones if they have people/animals in she wants
• She plays with things together so often the Lego Animals end up being the pets of the barbies etc.
• Loves Stuffed Animals and has many – she likes to put on shows with these, she sings and leaps about while they watch.
• Likes craft activities like card making, simple sewing, badge making – she absolutely loves glitter, stickers, glue, sequins etc.
• Likes baking cakes and bread/pizzas with me
• Her clothes still have characters like Stitch and Barbie on
• Her glasses are Crayola with a rainbow pattern on the side
• Her hearing aids are Blue one side and Pink the other (her choice)
• Her chosen extra curricular are Guides (Girlguides) and Choir – she could do more than 2 but chooses not to
• Still believes in Santa (although I plan to tell her the truth in the summer before she goes to secondary school)
• Starting to get into makeup for parties, discos at school etc. but doesn’t want it for general wear yet

ExH thinks she should be into none character clothes, makeup for the full face and skincare, grownup games like trivial pursuit and monopoly. He hasn’t bought her a single toy since she was about 8 saying she’s way too old. He thinks she should be more interested in her phone and tablet (don’t get me wrong she wants to use them and does but never asks to go on them, she’d rather play – the phone is for walking home from school and the tablet we take to appointments with us). He thinks her glasses need to be upgraded to designer labels so she “fits in” with her friends and her hearing aids should be changed to be less babyish. He thinks her activities should also be more grown up and has suggested Gymnastics and a language Class (She turned her nose up at Gymnastics and says she’s learning French at school so doesn’t want to do anymore yet, her potential secondary school offer French, Spanish, Mandarin and German as Extra Curriculars so she can always pick them up there – I am happy to pay for these if school ask me to)

For Christmas he bought her a TV for her room there and a playstation 5 with a couple of age 12 games as she’s “too old for toys now” which she says she isn’t really bothered by and wants to spend more time with me so she can play. When asked why age 12 games he said anything for age 7 up and younger seemed “babyish”.

For Christmas I got her some barbies, a bit more Lego (she has loads of the stuff), a few soft toys (including a dancing stitch thing that she would take absolutely everywhere with her if given the chance) and some clothes.

ExH thinks he ideal day out should be a grown up 12 or 15 movie followed by a meal at an Indian restaurant. Whereas I took her to the circus and out for pizza after during October Half Term and she still acts out her favourite bits of the circus with her toys now.

Don’t get me wrong, she’s not a fussy eater at all, eats most things but she will reject an entire meal still if she so much as sniffs the foods she doesn’t like and spicy is one of her things she doesn't like (anything spicy, even a tiny bit of onion can be too spicy). She also is very grown up in other areas. She very quickly mastered tying her school tie, always check she has her pin badges for school and guides on her uniform (and with guides makes sure they're in the correct place and can move them herself if they're not), sews her own badges onto her guides uniform (but can't do her camp blanket herself yet), she brushes her own hair (i still help her tie it up and wash it), cleans and looks after her own glasses and hearing aids, will take our dog on a short walk alone locally (unfamiliar areas or longer walks she still wants me with her), can feed the dog and knows to check her water bowl and refill it without me reminding her, will walk herself to Guides (but has to have an adult pick her up due to end time - which is fair enough), walks home from school 3 nights a week with her friends, makes her own bed in the morning etc. so she isn't by any means held back.

She does have a minor speech delay as well as hearing issues which need aids. She also has had glasses since age 3. School have absolutely no concerns about her, say she’s bang on academically in most subjects (it’s things which are more wordy like English and things requiring balance like PE she struggles in, she takes her aids out for PE so that is probably why). Audiology and ENT have never raised any concerns at all about her emotional age.

Does my DD sound normal for her age?

As I type this she’s emptying the lego box to make a rescue centre for abandoned animals, chattering away about what pieces she wants and why.

ExH says this isn't normal and i need to encourage more grownup activities for her. ExH has DD for 2 nights EOWend, no extra (his own choice) and DD is both of ours only child but ExH has neices and nephews where I don't so don't know whether I am just not used to knowing what is normal.

Vote:
YANBU - DD sounds normal for her age
YABU - DD sounds a bit babied/young for her age

He sounds awful - just be glad he’s an EX - keep the joy going with your daughter as long as possible

How glorious. She sounds like an interested and interesting child. My daughter is 9, adores her Sylvanian family and plays endlessly with them. Long may it last I say.
As many people said, films and games have managed rating for a reason. Why rush their childhood away? There's plenty time for them to be grownups.

She sounds pretty normal, really. Maybe the character clothes and Crayola glasses are a little bit babyish, but certainly nothing I'd worry about. It's also worth remembering that plenty of teen girls are very into kitsch, bright stuff, kawaii Japanese/Korean type style, Hello Kitty, Disney stuff etc in a sort of semi-ironic way anyway.

Guides is a totally age-appropriate activity - it's for age 10-14, right? They do plenty of adventurous, grown-up stuff as far as I can tell and are encouraged to be independent and self-motivated.

Your daughter has fun with kids her own age, will wear makeup when she wants to and is clearly reasonably independent in terms of doing stuff alone etc so I really wouldn't be worried about her. Your ex-H is being a bit weird. She's 10, not 15.

For all those saying ‘the longer the childhood behaviours last the better’, I would say this is a balance. Children that are seen as ‘babyish’ or culturally behind by their peers may not have many friends which can have a negative impact.

Whilst your ex is clearly being ridiculous and a bit weird, I would say things like playing ‘endlessly’ with Sylvanian families (@Potterymum) at 9/10 would rule the child out as a play friend for many girls of that age as they wouldn’t want to still be doing that kind of thing. I would say that’s more 5-6yr old behaviour.

This notion that ‘children are growing up too quickly these days’ is actually false. The opposite is true - teenagers didn’t exist until the 1940’s and less than a 100 years ago children under 10 could well be going to work. Young adults today reach all the experience milestones later than we did (in my 40s).

Also, there is nothing wrong with children - especially girls - growing into young women. I find it a very strange attitude on this thread that girls are somehow ‘ruined’ when they’re not children anymore. They’re no longer ‘lovely’ or ‘wonderful’ because they’re not playing with dolls? Do you think that way about boys too?

www.bbc.com/worklife/article/20220324-kgoy-kids-getting-older-younger

We are talking about a 10 year old child. Of course playing with sylvanians is developmentally appropriate. A 10 year old is not ‘growing into a young woman’ yet (and if the measure of this is an interest in skincare and makeup, then I find that very depressing).

Of course it’s great for kids to have a range of interests, and these are likely to change and develop as they get older, but there is nothing odd about the child described in the OP.

My year 6 daughter is starting to ‘develop into a young woman’, and she’s doing that without any interest in make up and skincare whatsoever. She is growing up into a mature, sensible and sensitive young person with a variety of interests. She also still likes to play.

@bookworm14 you're spectacularly missing the point of my post as you did earlier with @ThatCleverFawn

My post was re a wider sentiment around keeping growing girls ‘children’ because they’re spoiled once they’re not. No-one but you seems to be saying skincare and make-up are a sign of being grown up. Yet you keep repeating it! If it’s not a sign of being a young woman then does it matter what age they are?

She sounds like me at that age. I wouldn't have said I was sophisticated or grown up but I don't think I was that far behind either, some of my classmates were similar. That was the early 90s though, and I don't think most of us were that into skincare or fashion or romance back then. Kids do seem to grow up fast these days, I can't see anything particular abnormal about your DD. 10 is an inbetween age.

The only thing that gave me pause is your comment about her being able to do her own hair. Isn't that normal by age 7? I would have thought that was a given at 10.

I don’t think anyone is claiming it’s sad for girls to grow up. They are saying that it’s entirely normal and appropriate for a 10 year old child to play with toys and to present as ‘young’ (because she is). She will grow up in her own time.

Our 12 year old still plays with toys and dolls. Under the disguise of "playing with her sister with them", but she asked for a new doll for Christmas "to play with sister with", and will pick out and create the games they play most of the time and seems to really enjoy it still.
Her clothing taste got more mature once she began secondary school, but some of her friends still wear character clothing like stitch and wicked. Just keep focusing on letting her be herself.

Could be missing the point here but that film, Nosferatu, was a 15 and WoW I would not want that stuff in my 10yr olds head!! Your girl sounds amazing. Your EX needs to give himself a shake!! Is he embarrassed by her lack of 'grown upness'?? Tell him this time is precious and way too short. There's a whole lifetime to be a boring grownup 😁 Also you can buy huge Lego storage boxes that work like Lego bricks. My Daughter has a wall!!

Sounds perhaps a tiny bit on the young side but at that age I'm pretty sure it can turn on a dime and go the other way - 10-12 is an eye opener so make the most of it whilst you can!

That's not really a great argument for letting them stay baby-ish for longer, if it means they are going to turn into horrors by mid-puberty...

I really hate what your ex is pushing on her. Full face make up and skincare? Fucking rank. She’s ten.

No they didn't. They might have pretended to humour you, or they might have believed you wouldn't give them presents if they didn't play along, but no typically developing 12yo believes that a jolly fat man delivers presents to every child in the world, travelling by flying reindeer.

For a start, unless you have done a really terrible job of educating them, a 12 yo is aware of the existence of children who don't celebrate Christmas, celebrate something like Christmas but on a different day, or would like to celebrate but don't get any presents or even enough to eat.

Or did you tell them that all the poor children in the world are on the naughty list?

Genuine question, do you mean babyish just in reference to the dolls? Because Lego, crafting, Uno and baking are perfectly approiate activities for a 10 year old.

I wasn't referring specifically to OP's daughter but to the girls PP mentions who were pushing baby dolls in prams in public at the age of 12, and then selling cigarettes and bullying others at 14.

I'm not sure what happened in the intervening years but it seems that being unusually childlike at 12 did not stand them in good stead for behaving appropriately at 14.

Of course there are others factors in play. OP is trying to understand if its normal or not.
My example is that she shouldn't worry about her DD being how she is as I knew the two who did the same at 12.

My point is that it may be fine at 10 but in a few years time if she is having any kind of developmental assessment, the assessors will be very interested to know that eg she still believed in Santa at this age. It is like pieces of a jigsaw. And I say that as someone with 2 girls who were diagnosed with autism, one at 15. Autism in girls is badly understood.

OP sorry I've read most of the thread not all of it, mine is a lot like this but being assessed for ND

My daughter is 13 in June and o lynin the last 2 years stopped so much role play.
Her dad is a bit of a dick and she is obviously happy.

I know I'm late to the party and I couldn't vote but I'm not surprised by the final number.

For the love of God let children be children. 10 is still a young child.
Personally I see nothing wrong with how your DD spends her time. What a delight to hear of a child who isn't ruled by electronics and TikTok and is being natural and individual and living how she wants to be. Refreshing.

As for Ex. A 15 film is a fucking big fat NO! I can't say anything about the age rating for the video games as my DS (10) plays a 12 rated game which in hindsight I would never have done if I knew how much it would be a thorn in my side. Be very careful with games where you can talk to others. I would say that's a definite no. Make sure the parental controls are on 12, do it yourself if it's possible so you know it's done otherwise any Tom Dick or Debbie can contact your child.

I think he really needs to understand that she is fine the way she is and she needs to evolve at her pace and not be pushed into anything.

There's nothing wrong with a 10 year old still believing in Santa. My 10yo DS told me last year how he thinks Santa wasn't real and I think I managed to get him to believe for just one more year. It'll be different when he goes up to year 7 although who knows, maybe he will maybe he won't. And we are also ND but I truly think that it's not a late development thing to still believe in Santa at 10.
As someone diagnosed at 46 with ADHD I absolutely agree that females are massively overlooked by the GP's and OP shouldn't rule out the idea that DD could be ND however I see her as creative.

Does anyone think that based on nearly every child with a behavioural quirk there is a mention of neurodiversity?

amongst my circle with two kids or more, one of the children is diagnosed ND or labelled as such and on a pathway or it’s being seriously suggested.

at what point does neurodiversity become the norm?

clearly there are autistic people that we all think of as autistic, similarly with ADHD. But nearly every child that has any form of anxiety (which to me seems almost all
children these days) or any obsession or
child like quirk - “ah they are neurodiverse”

what is the point of my possibly annoying interjection? I honestly feel it’s gone too far. Humans are weird and kids are weird and no one is normal. It also removes helping anyone with good fashioned anxiety by saying “well
they are ND so anxiety is normal for them” and it’s left. I don’t think this is helpful.