Does it sound like my DD is normal for 10 years old?

[Normal10yoYesorNo]

DD is 10, school year 6, will be 11 in 2025 but is the youngest in her year (end of July birthday).

ExH is insisting I baby her and that she’s too old to play with toys. Her school, however, have not raised any concerns from her play - they have a common room area for year 5s and 6s with age appropriate toys etc which DD loves, each class gets an hour a week in this common room (3 form entry school) and they’ve said DD plays fine with other girls (she rarely plays with the boys) and they play in an age appropriate way.

So does this sound normal:

• Loves baby dolls – dresses them, feeds them, puts them to bed, talks to them while she’s doing it. Hands them to her friends/me/her grandparents/teacher to “look after” and tells us how to do it before going off to play with other toys
• Also loves barbie dolls – dresses them up, has fashion shows, plays them as baby/dog/whatever sitter, brushes their hair. The children/baby barbies go to School and Guides etc while the adults do “boring” (her words) things like shopping and work
• Loves card games like Uno and Snap
• Loves some simpler board games like snakes and ladders
• Loves Lego – builds houses, zoos, farms and schools but never vehicles or space station or similar (I think we had a church once but it was a one off). Has most of the animal sets and always builds big multi people houses/places then has the animals running wild looking for their owners/keepers, she finds this hilarious and plays it a lot – she doesn’t build particular sets as such but asks for the general boxes or specific ones if they have people/animals in she wants
• She plays with things together so often the Lego Animals end up being the pets of the barbies etc.
• Loves Stuffed Animals and has many – she likes to put on shows with these, she sings and leaps about while they watch.
• Likes craft activities like card making, simple sewing, badge making – she absolutely loves glitter, stickers, glue, sequins etc.
• Likes baking cakes and bread/pizzas with me
• Her clothes still have characters like Stitch and Barbie on
• Her glasses are Crayola with a rainbow pattern on the side
• Her hearing aids are Blue one side and Pink the other (her choice)
• Her chosen extra curricular are Guides (Girlguides) and Choir – she could do more than 2 but chooses not to
• Still believes in Santa (although I plan to tell her the truth in the summer before she goes to secondary school)
• Starting to get into makeup for parties, discos at school etc. but doesn’t want it for general wear yet

ExH thinks she should be into none character clothes, makeup for the full face and skincare, grownup games like trivial pursuit and monopoly. He hasn’t bought her a single toy since she was about 8 saying she’s way too old. He thinks she should be more interested in her phone and tablet (don’t get me wrong she wants to use them and does but never asks to go on them, she’d rather play – the phone is for walking home from school and the tablet we take to appointments with us). He thinks her glasses need to be upgraded to designer labels so she “fits in” with her friends and her hearing aids should be changed to be less babyish. He thinks her activities should also be more grown up and has suggested Gymnastics and a language Class (She turned her nose up at Gymnastics and says she’s learning French at school so doesn’t want to do anymore yet, her potential secondary school offer French, Spanish, Mandarin and German as Extra Curriculars so she can always pick them up there – I am happy to pay for these if school ask me to)

For Christmas he bought her a TV for her room there and a playstation 5 with a couple of age 12 games as she’s “too old for toys now” which she says she isn’t really bothered by and wants to spend more time with me so she can play. When asked why age 12 games he said anything for age 7 up and younger seemed “babyish”.

For Christmas I got her some barbies, a bit more Lego (she has loads of the stuff), a few soft toys (including a dancing stitch thing that she would take absolutely everywhere with her if given the chance) and some clothes.

ExH thinks he ideal day out should be a grown up 12 or 15 movie followed by a meal at an Indian restaurant. Whereas I took her to the circus and out for pizza after during October Half Term and she still acts out her favourite bits of the circus with her toys now.

Don’t get me wrong, she’s not a fussy eater at all, eats most things but she will reject an entire meal still if she so much as sniffs the foods she doesn’t like and spicy is one of her things she doesn't like (anything spicy, even a tiny bit of onion can be too spicy). She also is very grown up in other areas. She very quickly mastered tying her school tie, always check she has her pin badges for school and guides on her uniform (and with guides makes sure they're in the correct place and can move them herself if they're not), sews her own badges onto her guides uniform (but can't do her camp blanket herself yet), she brushes her own hair (i still help her tie it up and wash it), cleans and looks after her own glasses and hearing aids, will take our dog on a short walk alone locally (unfamiliar areas or longer walks she still wants me with her), can feed the dog and knows to check her water bowl and refill it without me reminding her, will walk herself to Guides (but has to have an adult pick her up due to end time - which is fair enough), walks home from school 3 nights a week with her friends, makes her own bed in the morning etc. so she isn't by any means held back.

She does have a minor speech delay as well as hearing issues which need aids. She also has had glasses since age 3. School have absolutely no concerns about her, say she’s bang on academically in most subjects (it’s things which are more wordy like English and things requiring balance like PE she struggles in, she takes her aids out for PE so that is probably why). Audiology and ENT have never raised any concerns at all about her emotional age.

Does my DD sound normal for her age?

As I type this she’s emptying the lego box to make a rescue centre for abandoned animals, chattering away about what pieces she wants and why.

ExH says this isn't normal and i need to encourage more grownup activities for her. ExH has DD for 2 nights EOWend, no extra (his own choice) and DD is both of ours only child but ExH has neices and nephews where I don't so don't know whether I am just not used to knowing what is normal.

Vote:
YANBU - DD sounds normal for her age
YABU - DD sounds a bit babied/young for her age

There's a wide range at that age but I think the "younger" interests are far more healthy and age appropriate than the "older" ones. She's got years ahead for phones and skincare (and all the anxiety that often comes with it) - why rush her to grow up?

FWIW my 9 year old loves slightly alternative fashion (wouldn't wear character clothing or unicorns), basic skincare, YouTube and gaming, but also taking care of her teddies, crafts, Lego, kids board games... so somewhere in between.

It is your exH who is not normal. Just ignore him.

Children grow up so fast and miss out on the joys of childhood - she is getting stuck in and enjoying it - good for her! Do not even remotely suggest to her that she is out of the ordinary. And tell that pillock of an exH to butt out.

Honestly, she sounds like the dream child! Who wants to encourage their child to be glued to a screen?! The fact she’s using her imagination and problem solving skills voluntarily is what people would aim for!

I think your ex husband needs to stop being a sheep and worrying about fitting in. Rather he needs to wake up and see the lovely young girl in front of him.

Perfectly normal.

Full face make up and skincare routine at 10?

Your ex is bloody odd.

Ignore those saying this sounds “on the young side”

we’re in such a mess as a society right now because of children being exposed to grown up things too early.

everything your DD is doing, playing and interested in is completely normal for her age. My DD is 10 and very similar. She has zero interest in clothes, skincare, make up or looking fashionable etc. (I’m battling with her at the moment to start brushing her own hair every day!). she plays with girls, not boys.

your ex is a twat. What parent wants to push their child to spend more time on screens, gaming etc?
and trying to push her into make up etc when she has no interest is frankly despicable behaviour.

Your DD might never develop an interest in skincare and makeup.
its not obligatory for females! Your ex might need a wake up call on this.

Indeed. Also, I don't think it's good to 'force' children into liking things they aren't currently interested in.

I'd let her in on Santa before the summer, mind...

Sounds fine to me.....it's refreshing to see a child actually happy to act their age and not be desperate to act grown up so they can fit in.......mind you I'm 43 and I've just ordered myself a pigeon street tshirt 🤣🤣🤣

She sounds a little in the young side but as others have said there is a big range at that age. I have a daughter the same age and she is also on the younger side and loves squishmallows, Stitch, builds Lego, etc. She has never really been into dolls. Some of her classmates are already 11 and look and act like teenagers.

Quite frankly if someone told me my ten year old should be wearing a full face of make up I'd have concerns about what might be lurking on their hard drive...

She sounds amazing
Ex is awful. She has loads of time for all that stuff later. Sounds like he would like these things, the gaming and days out.
Charitably, if he feels he need different ways to bind and doesn't get imaginative play then perhaps an age appropriate game to play with him or he could get involved with the Lego? But he would probably (as you'll know!) do better to show an interest in her interests rather than forcing her to do only what he wants to know

Comparing her to my step daughter aged 10 and a half she does seem on the younger side of things. However, sadly I feel my stepdaughter is too far the other way and her interests are much more teen oriented which I find sad.

Childhood is so short, let her embrace it for as long as she likes.

Sounds very normal to me,in this digital age there is far too much pressure for our children to grow up far too quickly these days unfortunately it's seems to be expected from society but shouldn't be from an arse of a dad.

At 10 this is completely normal and absolutely nothing wrong wrong with it whatsoever don't question it.

The only thing that should be questioned here is the dad,why he wants his dd to grow up so quickly

She sounds absolutely wonderful OP and your ex is being an arse! Most parents would prefer their child spent more time doing arts and crafts and physical play than being stuck on a computer,phone or tablet for hours so your exh has got that arse over tip.

As for the Character clothing you can buy grown womens clothes that have stitch and barbie on so how he figures your 10 year old is too old to wear it baffles me.

Going forward I'd just nod and smile whenever he starts moaning again and carry on as you are with your DD who sounds really lovely and you must be very proud.

Please can posters stop commenting that a little girl being interested in age appropriate activities is “on the young side”!

we all need to look at ourselves. Young girls being expected or encouraged to act like teenagers or even older is not healthy.

She sounds normal to me, if on the younger side. Definitely there will be lots of 10 year olds who are into more grown up things, but also plenty who enjoy the things your DD does.

I can see not wanting her to be teased for being babyish but I think your ex is going too far. Why on earth would anyone want their 10 year old to be wearing full face makeup??

Absolutely this would not be normal at all.

some year 7s I know are showing an interest in make up but full face and skin care routine before 14+? Nah

All my 10 year old has asked for for her birthday is a new baby doll and Wicked Barbie type dolls. She is a full Father Christmas believer and not into make up or fashion. She is so creative and in to drama and I have often questioned if she’s too young for her age. Then I give my head a wobble and remember she’s only bloody 10! And who cares! My daughter also has an iPhone and I don’t think she has picked it up for about 2 months 😂. There is plenty of time for them to be grown ups ♥️. Your husband needs to learn to love and appreciate your daughter for who she is and not what he expects her to be.

My DD was similar to yours at that age op....she loved barbies, dressing them up etc, she played with her dolls house a lot, always doing crafts, Lego etc. She was not in the slightest bit interested in make up. She also only ever did guides and brownies as her extra curricular activities.

I much prefer this than children growing up too quickly.

Your ex is being a dick and wants her to be someone she's not.
We meet our children where they are at, not where we want/think they should be.
Your daughter sounds like she has a fantastic range of interests.

She sounds entirely normal and like every 10 year old I knew when I was a 10 year old in the 90s.

The problem now is that so many young kids have access to tik tok etc in year 4/5/6 that they end up like mini teenagers way before they should be. I work in secondary schools and have seen a real shift in the behaviour of year 7s in the last 5 or 6 years. They used to come still very much as children, no make up (or the odd one with an older sister might have lip gloss), still had fairly childish stationary. Now so many come in with a full face of make up and act so much older than they are.

Your ex thinks she should have a full face of makeup and a skincare regime at TEN ?? That’s a very weird thing to expect of a child, and actually quite creepy. The only makeup any of my group had at ten was nail varnish, or a lipgloss stolen from an older sister for dressing up.
I still played with my dolls at ten, and like your dd I was using a lot of imaginative play when playing alone. My own dds are now teens and neither really played with dolls at all, but they weren’t wearing any makeup at ten, not for parties or anything else. My younger one loved cuddly animals at that age and only gave a load away a couple of years ago at fifteen.

Your dd sounds totally age appropriate.

She sounds absolutely fine, yes a bit on the young side but there's nothing wrong with that. My 14yo still collects TY toys and novelty rubber ducks, she still likes playing with slime and that sort of thing. Some kids do grow up early and I do think it depends on the peer group a lot of the time.

She sounds perfect! Let them be young - the years fly by don’t they.

Your dd sounds great. She might be a little “young”compared to some of her peers with older interests but she’s not so “young” that her peers wouldn’t be able to relate to her. It’s an age where there can be massive differences between kids but it’s often environmental like birth order or access to things like social media. My dd is the only girl in my family and this is the age where she’d go on sleepovers and pick up on things like how to do eyeliner from girls who have older siblings who have shown them but she also loved things like crafts.
Lego is truly for every age ime - my 18 year old son and 22 year old daughter were happy to receive some for Christmas because there are sets for everyone.

I think your ex is getting a bit of a hard time here. I agree with most posters that her interests seem age appropriate / possibly a little on the young side, but that 10 is a transitional age and she doesn’t need to be hurried along. I also of course agree - I hope everyone does! - that your ex’s ideas on makeup and the heavy-handed way he’s going about imposing his views are unacceptable.

However, surely your exH is worrying about her and her potential happiness at secondary school? Perhaps this is exacerbated by his anxiety about possible discrimination or bullying related to her being d/Deaf, or by his feeling like he has less ‘control’ (for want of a better word) as you co-parent, or by his own negative experiences of school. Would he be open to reflecting on what’s at the root of this, in a frank discussion with you or with a professional or both at once?

She sounds fine to me!

Ds2 got lego and a cuddly toy for Christmas. He is 15 6ft 3. But he still is a sucker for a soft toy - loves a squishmallow (or whatever they are called). The cuter the better.