Does it sound like my DD is normal for 10 years old?

[Normal10yoYesorNo]

DD is 10, school year 6, will be 11 in 2025 but is the youngest in her year (end of July birthday).

ExH is insisting I baby her and that she’s too old to play with toys. Her school, however, have not raised any concerns from her play - they have a common room area for year 5s and 6s with age appropriate toys etc which DD loves, each class gets an hour a week in this common room (3 form entry school) and they’ve said DD plays fine with other girls (she rarely plays with the boys) and they play in an age appropriate way.

So does this sound normal:

• Loves baby dolls – dresses them, feeds them, puts them to bed, talks to them while she’s doing it. Hands them to her friends/me/her grandparents/teacher to “look after” and tells us how to do it before going off to play with other toys
• Also loves barbie dolls – dresses them up, has fashion shows, plays them as baby/dog/whatever sitter, brushes their hair. The children/baby barbies go to School and Guides etc while the adults do “boring” (her words) things like shopping and work
• Loves card games like Uno and Snap
• Loves some simpler board games like snakes and ladders
• Loves Lego – builds houses, zoos, farms and schools but never vehicles or space station or similar (I think we had a church once but it was a one off). Has most of the animal sets and always builds big multi people houses/places then has the animals running wild looking for their owners/keepers, she finds this hilarious and plays it a lot – she doesn’t build particular sets as such but asks for the general boxes or specific ones if they have people/animals in she wants
• She plays with things together so often the Lego Animals end up being the pets of the barbies etc.
• Loves Stuffed Animals and has many – she likes to put on shows with these, she sings and leaps about while they watch.
• Likes craft activities like card making, simple sewing, badge making – she absolutely loves glitter, stickers, glue, sequins etc.
• Likes baking cakes and bread/pizzas with me
• Her clothes still have characters like Stitch and Barbie on
• Her glasses are Crayola with a rainbow pattern on the side
• Her hearing aids are Blue one side and Pink the other (her choice)
• Her chosen extra curricular are Guides (Girlguides) and Choir – she could do more than 2 but chooses not to
• Still believes in Santa (although I plan to tell her the truth in the summer before she goes to secondary school)
• Starting to get into makeup for parties, discos at school etc. but doesn’t want it for general wear yet

ExH thinks she should be into none character clothes, makeup for the full face and skincare, grownup games like trivial pursuit and monopoly. He hasn’t bought her a single toy since she was about 8 saying she’s way too old. He thinks she should be more interested in her phone and tablet (don’t get me wrong she wants to use them and does but never asks to go on them, she’d rather play – the phone is for walking home from school and the tablet we take to appointments with us). He thinks her glasses need to be upgraded to designer labels so she “fits in” with her friends and her hearing aids should be changed to be less babyish. He thinks her activities should also be more grown up and has suggested Gymnastics and a language Class (She turned her nose up at Gymnastics and says she’s learning French at school so doesn’t want to do anymore yet, her potential secondary school offer French, Spanish, Mandarin and German as Extra Curriculars so she can always pick them up there – I am happy to pay for these if school ask me to)

For Christmas he bought her a TV for her room there and a playstation 5 with a couple of age 12 games as she’s “too old for toys now” which she says she isn’t really bothered by and wants to spend more time with me so she can play. When asked why age 12 games he said anything for age 7 up and younger seemed “babyish”.

For Christmas I got her some barbies, a bit more Lego (she has loads of the stuff), a few soft toys (including a dancing stitch thing that she would take absolutely everywhere with her if given the chance) and some clothes.

ExH thinks he ideal day out should be a grown up 12 or 15 movie followed by a meal at an Indian restaurant. Whereas I took her to the circus and out for pizza after during October Half Term and she still acts out her favourite bits of the circus with her toys now.

Don’t get me wrong, she’s not a fussy eater at all, eats most things but she will reject an entire meal still if she so much as sniffs the foods she doesn’t like and spicy is one of her things she doesn't like (anything spicy, even a tiny bit of onion can be too spicy). She also is very grown up in other areas. She very quickly mastered tying her school tie, always check she has her pin badges for school and guides on her uniform (and with guides makes sure they're in the correct place and can move them herself if they're not), sews her own badges onto her guides uniform (but can't do her camp blanket herself yet), she brushes her own hair (i still help her tie it up and wash it), cleans and looks after her own glasses and hearing aids, will take our dog on a short walk alone locally (unfamiliar areas or longer walks she still wants me with her), can feed the dog and knows to check her water bowl and refill it without me reminding her, will walk herself to Guides (but has to have an adult pick her up due to end time - which is fair enough), walks home from school 3 nights a week with her friends, makes her own bed in the morning etc. so she isn't by any means held back.

She does have a minor speech delay as well as hearing issues which need aids. She also has had glasses since age 3. School have absolutely no concerns about her, say she’s bang on academically in most subjects (it’s things which are more wordy like English and things requiring balance like PE she struggles in, she takes her aids out for PE so that is probably why). Audiology and ENT have never raised any concerns at all about her emotional age.

Does my DD sound normal for her age?

As I type this she’s emptying the lego box to make a rescue centre for abandoned animals, chattering away about what pieces she wants and why.

ExH says this isn't normal and i need to encourage more grownup activities for her. ExH has DD for 2 nights EOWend, no extra (his own choice) and DD is both of ours only child but ExH has neices and nephews where I don't so don't know whether I am just not used to knowing what is normal.

Vote:
YANBU - DD sounds normal for her age
YABU - DD sounds a bit babied/young for her age

Your Ex sounds like an idiot.

shes ten.

why does he want her watching 15 films?

why does he want her in an full face of makeup?

why would he want to discourage his imaginative primary school aged child not to play?

hes going to alienate the way he’s carrying on

She sounds absolutely lovely and normal. Your ex needs to appreciate the child he has and not try to mould her into the one he thinks she should be.

She sounds normal and lovely to be allowed ro be a child. I find it very sad that so many children seem to grow up too fast and can't understand why the father wants her to. She is 10 so why should she be encouraged to watch 12 + let alone 15+ which are often very inappropriate. Age ratings are there for a reason! She has her while life ahead of her to grow up and there is no turning back, let her be a child while she can!

Why is he describing her hearing aids as being 'childish'? One of the things that annoys me about mine is that they very carefully chose the colour to blend in perfectly with my hair and skin - but I want/need people to know I wear it.

I also wouldn't want to spend my free time not hearing another language properly or, despite liking going to the cinema, the joy of that has been somewhat erased by ridiculously loud + quiet and mumbly dialogue, characters not filmed straight on to give a chance of picking some of it up through lipreading and the ability of the HA to pick up the cacophony of rustles, crunches, creaks and mobile phones and the bloody staff radios over the muddy soundtrack.

I remember playing with dolls around age 10 because at that age I could play with them properly and knew what to do with them. I developed normally and was married by 25. Don’t panic!

@greengreyblue Not at all. My now adult DDs were still believing aged 12 .

Believing in Santa after age 8/9 was completely unheard of when I was at school. How old were you when you stopped believing?

DD is 8 and on the young side (thank god). Reading and mathematics are above average, she is kind and thoughtful.

Some of her school friends are in to kissing and boys already, gossiping and being ‘sassy’ bitchy.
Fuck the internet and social bloody media.

Enjoy it for as long as you can!

Y6 teacher here.
Your DD sounds lovely and totally typical of lots of Y6 children.

Yes, lots will be into make up, devices, etc but if your DD is happy and enjoys playing, then why not! I also think lots of them go along with whatever their friends like. Outwardly anyway. I bet privately loads of them still love their Barbies or Lego...

Before you know it, she'll be in secondary and will probably want to do whatever her friends do. Childhood is short and she's happy. Sounds like you are doing a fabulous job!!

Also, my DS is nearly 16 and the Lego obsession doesn't seem to be waning one bit....

I was about 12.

And there was no ridicule from your classmates?

She sounds lovely, it's all the other 10 year olds that aren't age appropriate x

Puberty will hit and secondary school and social media all too soon and things may change x

Your ex is sounds like a twat and I'm sure you split up with him for good reason

I didnt see anything you listed as babyish at all every child is different.. Btw I have green sparkly hearing aids and in 44, 😁

Your exH is a prick, and I would frankly be considering limiting the amount of time your child spends with him, if you can.

Full face makeup at age ten?

Why does he want her done up in a way that will attract male attention?

He sounds ghastly, and actually really irresponsible.

SHE sounds normal
Sadly it’s society that isn’t, expecting little girls to act like women in their 30s.

My only concern would be the Santa business. But of course 10 year olds should be paying with toys and doing fun activities like choir and Guides

I agree with @shuggles wrt Santa Claus though.

OP now is the perfect time to tell her. Christmas is over, she has a year to let it sink in.

She should also be learning the basic facts of life now.

Yes to this.

He sounds like a pervert.

I'm reluctant to bash your ExH too much, because bullying can completely scramble your sense of what's normal and what isn't. However, his attitude towards screens makes him sound as if he's been hiding in a cave away from all the horror stories about young people and social media. Surely, if he's been paying attention, he'd be delighted his ten year old isn't interested in that particular rabbit-hole yet? What's more, the fixation with make-up is very odd. As PPs have suggested, he should take a look around him the next time he's in a pub or supermarket; how many adult women actually bother with full make-up? If they don't need it, a little girl certainly doesn't.

As for your DD's interest in dolls and other toys, plenty of children grow up into adults who collect Lego, teddy-bears and dolls and dolls' houses. Doll collecting, eg, of elaborate Victorian porcelain creations, is a serious business and some antiques experts specialise in dolls. Your ExH shouldn't dismiss your DD's perfectly age-appropriate interests so easily. He has no idea where they might lead her.

For what it's worth, your delightful child wouldn't have raised an eyebrow when I was growing up in the 1970s, surrounded by books, dolls, fuzzy-felts, felt-tip pens and Christmas annuals. I know it's a long time ago, but we seem to have accelerated growing up and growing out of childhood to a rate that can't possibly be healthy.

SHE sounds normal
Sadly it’s society that isn’t, expecting little girls to act like women in their 30s.

This^

People who think she sounds young for her age are probably just used to being around children who are pushed by people like the ex to act older than they are.

10 year olds still need to play to rehearse skills and make sense of the world. People who try to make them into cute mini-adults aren't doing them any favours.

Make-up at 10 is ridiculous. What do they do to feel grown up at 15/16 if they start watching explicit films and using make-up at the age of 10? I guess that would be smoking, drinking, drugs and sex.

I see why he is an ExH, what a clown

I mean - she’s happy right? It doesn’t matter. They’re only little for so long - she’s not hurting anyone, she sounds lovely.

It makes me so sad to hear that at 10 these things are seen as too babyish. My goodness, they're only little for a short time, why the need to rush them. Why are 10 year olds having phones and talking about make up? It seems crazy to me - they're children! Your daughter sounds lovely, and the longer she is happy with who she is just cherish that. Doing things because you're 'supposed to' or 'everyone else is', when your heart lies elsewhere is the cause of so much sadness.

I can see why he is your ex OP. He sounds like a total plonker. Why is everyone always trying to make kids grow up too soon? I hate the fact that primary age girls have full skincare and makeup routines, it sickens me to my stomach. Let them be kids for longer. OP you are doing everything right and sound like an amazing mum. Don't listen to the prick.

The only babyish parts are the playing with dolls and barbies and the character clothing the rest is normal. If she enjoys these things it seems mean to make her stop. You don't sound like you are babying her, you allow her to walk home from school and have some independence. I think it's fine for now but it will be different in year 7 the clothing part and paying with dolls could lead to bullying maybe that's what he is worried about but there are ways of saying things. It is sad to make kids grow up before they are ready to but I can tell you secondary can be savage. I agree with some past posters that this age is mixed, my dd had started her periods in y6 was quite mature for her age whereas some of the boys especially would still seem very childish more like year 4s than 11 year olds.