Does it sound like my DD is normal for 10 years old?

[Normal10yoYesorNo]

DD is 10, school year 6, will be 11 in 2025 but is the youngest in her year (end of July birthday).

ExH is insisting I baby her and that she’s too old to play with toys. Her school, however, have not raised any concerns from her play - they have a common room area for year 5s and 6s with age appropriate toys etc which DD loves, each class gets an hour a week in this common room (3 form entry school) and they’ve said DD plays fine with other girls (she rarely plays with the boys) and they play in an age appropriate way.

So does this sound normal:

• Loves baby dolls – dresses them, feeds them, puts them to bed, talks to them while she’s doing it. Hands them to her friends/me/her grandparents/teacher to “look after” and tells us how to do it before going off to play with other toys
• Also loves barbie dolls – dresses them up, has fashion shows, plays them as baby/dog/whatever sitter, brushes their hair. The children/baby barbies go to School and Guides etc while the adults do “boring” (her words) things like shopping and work
• Loves card games like Uno and Snap
• Loves some simpler board games like snakes and ladders
• Loves Lego – builds houses, zoos, farms and schools but never vehicles or space station or similar (I think we had a church once but it was a one off). Has most of the animal sets and always builds big multi people houses/places then has the animals running wild looking for their owners/keepers, she finds this hilarious and plays it a lot – she doesn’t build particular sets as such but asks for the general boxes or specific ones if they have people/animals in she wants
• She plays with things together so often the Lego Animals end up being the pets of the barbies etc.
• Loves Stuffed Animals and has many – she likes to put on shows with these, she sings and leaps about while they watch.
• Likes craft activities like card making, simple sewing, badge making – she absolutely loves glitter, stickers, glue, sequins etc.
• Likes baking cakes and bread/pizzas with me
• Her clothes still have characters like Stitch and Barbie on
• Her glasses are Crayola with a rainbow pattern on the side
• Her hearing aids are Blue one side and Pink the other (her choice)
• Her chosen extra curricular are Guides (Girlguides) and Choir – she could do more than 2 but chooses not to
• Still believes in Santa (although I plan to tell her the truth in the summer before she goes to secondary school)
• Starting to get into makeup for parties, discos at school etc. but doesn’t want it for general wear yet

ExH thinks she should be into none character clothes, makeup for the full face and skincare, grownup games like trivial pursuit and monopoly. He hasn’t bought her a single toy since she was about 8 saying she’s way too old. He thinks she should be more interested in her phone and tablet (don’t get me wrong she wants to use them and does but never asks to go on them, she’d rather play – the phone is for walking home from school and the tablet we take to appointments with us). He thinks her glasses need to be upgraded to designer labels so she “fits in” with her friends and her hearing aids should be changed to be less babyish. He thinks her activities should also be more grown up and has suggested Gymnastics and a language Class (She turned her nose up at Gymnastics and says she’s learning French at school so doesn’t want to do anymore yet, her potential secondary school offer French, Spanish, Mandarin and German as Extra Curriculars so she can always pick them up there – I am happy to pay for these if school ask me to)

For Christmas he bought her a TV for her room there and a playstation 5 with a couple of age 12 games as she’s “too old for toys now” which she says she isn’t really bothered by and wants to spend more time with me so she can play. When asked why age 12 games he said anything for age 7 up and younger seemed “babyish”.

For Christmas I got her some barbies, a bit more Lego (she has loads of the stuff), a few soft toys (including a dancing stitch thing that she would take absolutely everywhere with her if given the chance) and some clothes.

ExH thinks he ideal day out should be a grown up 12 or 15 movie followed by a meal at an Indian restaurant. Whereas I took her to the circus and out for pizza after during October Half Term and she still acts out her favourite bits of the circus with her toys now.

Don’t get me wrong, she’s not a fussy eater at all, eats most things but she will reject an entire meal still if she so much as sniffs the foods she doesn’t like and spicy is one of her things she doesn't like (anything spicy, even a tiny bit of onion can be too spicy). She also is very grown up in other areas. She very quickly mastered tying her school tie, always check she has her pin badges for school and guides on her uniform (and with guides makes sure they're in the correct place and can move them herself if they're not), sews her own badges onto her guides uniform (but can't do her camp blanket herself yet), she brushes her own hair (i still help her tie it up and wash it), cleans and looks after her own glasses and hearing aids, will take our dog on a short walk alone locally (unfamiliar areas or longer walks she still wants me with her), can feed the dog and knows to check her water bowl and refill it without me reminding her, will walk herself to Guides (but has to have an adult pick her up due to end time - which is fair enough), walks home from school 3 nights a week with her friends, makes her own bed in the morning etc. so she isn't by any means held back.

She does have a minor speech delay as well as hearing issues which need aids. She also has had glasses since age 3. School have absolutely no concerns about her, say she’s bang on academically in most subjects (it’s things which are more wordy like English and things requiring balance like PE she struggles in, she takes her aids out for PE so that is probably why). Audiology and ENT have never raised any concerns at all about her emotional age.

Does my DD sound normal for her age?

As I type this she’s emptying the lego box to make a rescue centre for abandoned animals, chattering away about what pieces she wants and why.

ExH says this isn't normal and i need to encourage more grownup activities for her. ExH has DD for 2 nights EOWend, no extra (his own choice) and DD is both of ours only child but ExH has neices and nephews where I don't so don't know whether I am just not used to knowing what is normal.

Vote:
YANBU - DD sounds normal for her age
YABU - DD sounds a bit babied/young for her age

She sounds lovely and yes, completely normal. What an idiot her dad sounds.

Sad you're even questioning it really, what's the world come to when a 10yo is dthought abnormal for playing with dolls and not having a full face of makeup?

My dd 13 has never - and will probably never - wear makeup. She lives in joggers and T-shirts and the only thing she asks for for birthdays etc are "plushies". She is completely ungirly and also quite young for her age and I wouldn't change her for the world - dont give a f* whether it's "normal" or not!

Your ex sounds like a dick!

and honestly, we could all do with recognising how important play is for our well being! And should be encouraging it at every opportunity.

are some of the things you mentioned more on the “younger” scale (baby dolls etc), sure, but who cares. If she is enjoying play there is no problem. My daughter is year 6 and just turned 11 and she enjoys much of what you describe (less the toys and character clothes, but all the creative stuff for sure). She’s interested in make up and skincare but only in a learning, dabbling way and doesn’t wear it often (or full face), and I’ve made it clear that too much skincare is likely not helpful for her skin (she excitedly had a Superdrug trip recently and got her own cleanser, hyaluronic acid, moisturiser and spf for example - so is happy she can chat skincare with her friends but in an age appropriate way).

it’s depressing that your ex is trying to rush your daughter away from childhood innocence. I hope he doesn’t speak like this to her as that is so damaging to one’s self esteem and sense of self, when shamed for being true to yourself.

and as an aside, I’m a 41 year old woman and if I could have crayon glasses I would in a
heartbeat!

I have a dd in that year group although she is one of the oldest. IME what you describe definitely isn't typical (I don't think normal is the right word) but if she's happy then there is absolutely nothing wrong with it. I'm sure some acting grown up in front of friends will still be playing with dolls/toys at home too. I hope she can continue to be her own person at school. You might find at some stage there could be some teasing that might make her more self conscious. I'd definitely look at changing the glasses and aids before high school but apart from that just be led by her

Yes, that is 100% normal, sounds very like my 9.5 year old, and very like me when I was 10/11. Nothing out of the ordinary there at all, your DP is wrong.

Spoken like a true someone who doesn't get it 🙄
Our brains are wired so different to a neurotypical.
Yes there are things that someone who is ND and someone who isn't are going to share but that doesn't mean that 'we are all a bit like it'.
Things should be investigated properly nowadays because we can do that.
I wish it was like that when I was young so I could have been diagnosed earlier in life and not had to go through the shit times I had because I was misunderstood.

My experience is with girls with asd - I have 2. So, while most commentators are saying "totally age appropriate, she sounds lovely" it is useful I think to put forward an asd perspective. It doesn't mean anyone has asd but some girls do have asd and it can be hard to pick it up. Often these girls do OK in school and it all goes wrong later on and you know what, all the quirks, all the signs will have been there but everyone just thought they were sensitive, young for their age, how lovely it is they are still into their teddy collection and are obsessed with Jedward etc etc etc and I just want to offer that different perspective.

@Arran2024 agree 100% I see this with my ten year old (we're heading down the assessment route at the moment). Everyone telling me how lovely it is she's so into all her toys still. I agree it is! But her peers are changing, they're into some different things.

For example my daughter needs a very specific routine, anything outside of that she can't handle. We spend a long time making sure things don't go wrong at home because we know she has to cope with uncertainty at school. We have found 10 a real tipping point.

She sounds like a young 10-year old but honestly, it sounds like she is completely normal! I think unfortunately, in this day and age children aren't allowed to be children for very long and are encouraged (sometimes by their parents) to have the skin care, make up, clothes etc. and they really don't need it all! You'll notice a change when she goes to secondary school, not immediately but little changes will creep in and she'll probably start acting more grown up, enjoy her being young while you can.

My DD is almost 13 and still plays with slime, still wants to bake/cook with me, watches a few cartoons. I just let her take things at her own pace, I don't force her to be anything other than herself.

She sounds a reasonably young ten, but I wouldn't be concerned about most of what you've said. There's nothing wrong with still playing with toys.
Does she have friends? Do her friends accept her and engage with her properly? Do they play with her, or alongside her in a similar way? That would be my main concerns I think.

I would be a bit concerned about her not being able to do her own hair, which is usually a skill girls can master at about 8. At 10, and potentially going away with Guides, she should be able to wash her hair alone reasonably reliably and put her hair into a simple style (ponytail etc). (Maybe different depending on race though, as I know more curly or afro hair may mean that she may need more help to style it than perhaps a child with very straight hair would).

You've said there's no academic concerns, so I would question whether she actually believes in Santa, or whether she's just playing along with you? The assumption may be that she may get more presents if she says she believes, or that she just enjoys Christmas the way it is, and doesn't want it to change.

If you're keen, then perhaps rather to changing aspects of her play you could develop her other skills, and add in some? I think your ExH may be feeling a bit awkward that he doesn't feel comfortable and confident playing with her, and perhaps he'd also benefit from some suggestions of what he can do with her that's not playing with dolls, but also isn't taking a 10 year old to watch a 15 film!
For example, getting her cooking and baking a bit beyond cakes and pizza, or doing art with some classes, or just some at home, maybe with youtube tutorials, or introducing some (free) exercise and sports by running, playing football in the park, dance classes from youtube.

Apart from the believing in Father Christmas she sounds lovely, with a good range of things she likes to do that are both creative and imaginative.

Just tell her about FC asap, if there are other Y6 children in her school moving up with her who cotton on it could be something used against her.

What she does with the baby dolls is a little young and believing in Santa at 10 is crazy but the rest is normal. I played with barbies until i was about 14. So did my friends. Like fuck would I be letting a 10 year old wear makeup. Makeup is for play at that age. The stuff he is expecting her to do isn't going to be appropriate for probably another 2 years!

She sounds at the young end of 10 year old behaviour but there's nothing wrong with that. Not everyone can be exactly or above average in terms of interests and development. She sounds a happy and busy child who is enjoying her life and doing fine.

My year 5 ten year old 100% believes in Santa. But she is on the autism diagnostic pathway.