Does it sound like my DD is normal for 10 years old?

[Normal10yoYesorNo]

DD is 10, school year 6, will be 11 in 2025 but is the youngest in her year (end of July birthday).

ExH is insisting I baby her and that she’s too old to play with toys. Her school, however, have not raised any concerns from her play - they have a common room area for year 5s and 6s with age appropriate toys etc which DD loves, each class gets an hour a week in this common room (3 form entry school) and they’ve said DD plays fine with other girls (she rarely plays with the boys) and they play in an age appropriate way.

So does this sound normal:

• Loves baby dolls – dresses them, feeds them, puts them to bed, talks to them while she’s doing it. Hands them to her friends/me/her grandparents/teacher to “look after” and tells us how to do it before going off to play with other toys
• Also loves barbie dolls – dresses them up, has fashion shows, plays them as baby/dog/whatever sitter, brushes their hair. The children/baby barbies go to School and Guides etc while the adults do “boring” (her words) things like shopping and work
• Loves card games like Uno and Snap
• Loves some simpler board games like snakes and ladders
• Loves Lego – builds houses, zoos, farms and schools but never vehicles or space station or similar (I think we had a church once but it was a one off). Has most of the animal sets and always builds big multi people houses/places then has the animals running wild looking for their owners/keepers, she finds this hilarious and plays it a lot – she doesn’t build particular sets as such but asks for the general boxes or specific ones if they have people/animals in she wants
• She plays with things together so often the Lego Animals end up being the pets of the barbies etc.
• Loves Stuffed Animals and has many – she likes to put on shows with these, she sings and leaps about while they watch.
• Likes craft activities like card making, simple sewing, badge making – she absolutely loves glitter, stickers, glue, sequins etc.
• Likes baking cakes and bread/pizzas with me
• Her clothes still have characters like Stitch and Barbie on
• Her glasses are Crayola with a rainbow pattern on the side
• Her hearing aids are Blue one side and Pink the other (her choice)
• Her chosen extra curricular are Guides (Girlguides) and Choir – she could do more than 2 but chooses not to
• Still believes in Santa (although I plan to tell her the truth in the summer before she goes to secondary school)
• Starting to get into makeup for parties, discos at school etc. but doesn’t want it for general wear yet

ExH thinks she should be into none character clothes, makeup for the full face and skincare, grownup games like trivial pursuit and monopoly. He hasn’t bought her a single toy since she was about 8 saying she’s way too old. He thinks she should be more interested in her phone and tablet (don’t get me wrong she wants to use them and does but never asks to go on them, she’d rather play – the phone is for walking home from school and the tablet we take to appointments with us). He thinks her glasses need to be upgraded to designer labels so she “fits in” with her friends and her hearing aids should be changed to be less babyish. He thinks her activities should also be more grown up and has suggested Gymnastics and a language Class (She turned her nose up at Gymnastics and says she’s learning French at school so doesn’t want to do anymore yet, her potential secondary school offer French, Spanish, Mandarin and German as Extra Curriculars so she can always pick them up there – I am happy to pay for these if school ask me to)

For Christmas he bought her a TV for her room there and a playstation 5 with a couple of age 12 games as she’s “too old for toys now” which she says she isn’t really bothered by and wants to spend more time with me so she can play. When asked why age 12 games he said anything for age 7 up and younger seemed “babyish”.

For Christmas I got her some barbies, a bit more Lego (she has loads of the stuff), a few soft toys (including a dancing stitch thing that she would take absolutely everywhere with her if given the chance) and some clothes.

ExH thinks he ideal day out should be a grown up 12 or 15 movie followed by a meal at an Indian restaurant. Whereas I took her to the circus and out for pizza after during October Half Term and she still acts out her favourite bits of the circus with her toys now.

Don’t get me wrong, she’s not a fussy eater at all, eats most things but she will reject an entire meal still if she so much as sniffs the foods she doesn’t like and spicy is one of her things she doesn't like (anything spicy, even a tiny bit of onion can be too spicy). She also is very grown up in other areas. She very quickly mastered tying her school tie, always check she has her pin badges for school and guides on her uniform (and with guides makes sure they're in the correct place and can move them herself if they're not), sews her own badges onto her guides uniform (but can't do her camp blanket herself yet), she brushes her own hair (i still help her tie it up and wash it), cleans and looks after her own glasses and hearing aids, will take our dog on a short walk alone locally (unfamiliar areas or longer walks she still wants me with her), can feed the dog and knows to check her water bowl and refill it without me reminding her, will walk herself to Guides (but has to have an adult pick her up due to end time - which is fair enough), walks home from school 3 nights a week with her friends, makes her own bed in the morning etc. so she isn't by any means held back.

She does have a minor speech delay as well as hearing issues which need aids. She also has had glasses since age 3. School have absolutely no concerns about her, say she’s bang on academically in most subjects (it’s things which are more wordy like English and things requiring balance like PE she struggles in, she takes her aids out for PE so that is probably why). Audiology and ENT have never raised any concerns at all about her emotional age.

Does my DD sound normal for her age?

As I type this she’s emptying the lego box to make a rescue centre for abandoned animals, chattering away about what pieces she wants and why.

ExH says this isn't normal and i need to encourage more grownup activities for her. ExH has DD for 2 nights EOWend, no extra (his own choice) and DD is both of ours only child but ExH has neices and nephews where I don't so don't know whether I am just not used to knowing what is normal.

Vote:
YANBU - DD sounds normal for her age
YABU - DD sounds a bit babied/young for her age

Wow your exh sounds so mean. I think we should let children be children as long as they want to be! There is absolutely no harm in her still being "babyish" at 10.
I say this with a dd8 whose only interest these days is playing Roblox on her tablet. I wish she had more interest in her lol & barbie dolls and houses.

A lot of children believe until 10-11. How mean spirited it is to take that magic away.

She sounds like she is into what my children are into (10 yr old and nearly 9 yr old).
They do play on games consoles but I limit their time. Both children (boy and girl) have a vast collection of soft toys and still willing pay for more if they go to the toy shop.

I think it is worrying exh thinks she should be wearing a full face of make up. She wouldn't be allowed that at school so does he think she should be trapsing round town at the weekend, full on make up with a group of girls dressed similarly looking older than their age looking for boys or something?

It’s interesting how many posters have used the adjective lovely.

The girl is lovely, her interests are lovely, it’s lovely she still believes in Santa, it’s lovely that (to boil it down) she hasn’t grown up yet.

Thats all fine and good if it’s coming from her but children can subtly stay young because they know growing up will be met with disapproval and sadness. This is particularly true with the Santa thing. So many children stop believing but don’t want to let on because it will upset their parents.

That isn’t healthy, no matter how lovely the child will be. A ten year old can be into pop music, skincare, not believe in Santa and be interested in wearing (age appropriate) fashion and still be lovely.

A ten year old can be into pop music, skincare, not believe in Santa and be interested in wearing (age appropriate) fashion and still be lovely

Posters are commenting on this particular child though, not those children.

Of course they are @PigInAHouse but the numerous ‘lovelys’ are because of her interests as they don’t know the child personally. She sounds lovely because she sounds so young. The point is growing up is OK. It isn’t a bad thing or something to be delayed for the longest possible point and I suspect this is what the ex is (very clumsily) getting at.

Two things are harmful. One is pushing children into growing up prematurely but so is keeping children young.

There is absolutely no suggestion that the OP
is ‘keeping the child young’ though. It sounds like she’s following her own interests.
I couldn’t get my 11 year old interested in skincare or make up if I tried. She’d just look at me like I was insane if I bought her some. All kids are different.

omg why on Earth does your exh want your daughter spending time oN a phone? Sucked into social media and all the emotional damage it entails. Just weird.

smartphonefreechildhood.co.uk

Sounds fine to me OP. My 9 year old still plays with her Barbie’s and baby dolls. I remember being at high school when I was younger and one of my friends was still into Barbie’s! But I think they tend to grow up quicker once they start high school.

Pig - I know. I’m talking generally. But a lot of the time parents don’t know they are doing it. Think about it: if your parents talk so much about how lovely you are and how lovely your interests/dress sense is, there’s a want to keep that. I’m not suggesting the OP is doing anything wrong, but the Santa thing - she still believes because that’s what she’s been told.

I don’t think anyone should try to get their child interested in anything. But growing up and interests developing is very much a part of normal rites of passage. My thinking on this is just that we have to be careful that we aren’t subconsciously sending messages to children and especially to girls that this is a bad thing.

She is playing in an entirely appropriate way. What is wrong is how skewed society's view of 'normal' has become.

20 or 30 years ago nobody would have dreamt of 10 year olds being " too old for toys" and expected to wear make up etc
It's absolute bullshit.
Let her enjoy being a child for as long she wants to be a child.

God finally a 10 year old acting her age and not like a 17 yo! She sounds amazing!

I don’t think anyone should try to get their child interested in anything. But growing up and interests developing is very much a part of normal rites of passage. My thinking on this is just that we have to be careful that we aren’t subconsciously sending messages to children and especially to girls that this is a bad thing.

But her interests are entirely age-appropriate for 10. If she was 16 and still only interested in Lego and Barbies you might have a point.

@bookworm14 I don’t think there is anything ‘wrong’ or age inappropriate here. But equally I don’t think there is anything ‘wrong’ or age inappropriate with a ten year old who does like skincare and isn’t interested in dolls any more. As others have said, there’s a big variation at this age.

But we do need to be careful as parents that just as much as we don’t push our children to grow up too quickly that we also don’t encourage them to stay young for too long because we like it. That’s general point, not one specifically aimed at the OP.

I have a 10 year old (11 in August) who plays games with Beanie Boos and Squishmallows, but is also glued to her Ipad and getting into skincare like all her friends of a similar age. I reassured her it was fine to like both and I was still into toys until I was about 13, if anything she doesn't want to grow up too fast!

Me too. I don't like that at all.

I actually do think it’s age-inappropriate for a 10 year old to be into skincare, but perhaps that’s just me.

No, I agree.

I think there is a happy medium between skincare and baby dolls.

It seems like DH is pushing a really stereotypical idea of what he thinks a tween/ teen girl should like.

It's quite common for children with hearing disabilities to need a bit of time to "catch up" to their peers socially, as they miss out on a lot of language development before they get help.

In OP's position, I wouldn't be washing her hair for her and would be introducing more challenging board games and perhaps encouraging interests outside of "playing" that aren't screen time or beauty routines- most women have a lot more interests than that. Guides is a brilliant activity for self-development.

I'd definitely find it odd if a 10 yo handed me a baby doll and gave me instructions on how to care for it, or believed in Santa, but I'd put it down to the hearing issues. In a typical 10 yo with no known delays or disabilities, I'd be a bit concerned.

She sounds like she's developing at her own pace, and not being pigeon-holed into someone else's idea of what's age appropriate. Who gives a shit if a 10 year old still believes in Santa? Whose life is adversely affected by that in any way?

My almost 10yo still loves toys - lego, playmobil, squishmallows and will play imaginary games with her little sister all day. Very sporty, desparate for a phone which she won't be getting. She plays games on ps5 - not Internet ones.

Her friend (same age) is into skin care/make up/ phones.

Once they are into phones and make up that's sort of the end of childhood. Hold onto it just a little longer.

She sounds wonderful. I wouldn't worry in the slightest. Your ex, on the other hand, could do a bit of reading about child development. Unfortunately, he is not unusual these days. Far too many parents are pushing their children to grow up in ways that are inappropriate (makeup, skincare, phones, social media). Oddly enough, these are often the same parents who restrict any sort of independence or freedom in situations that allow children to gain confidence and resilience (e.g., walking to school on their own, unsupervised play with other children, etc.).

Keep up what you're doing and reassure your DD that she is lovely and doesn't need to change anything. I hope your ex doesn't try to shame her.

dd1 had two Lego sets of Christmas. She’s 20 and studying an integrated masters degree at uni.

your dd sounds fine. She just still seems to take pleasure in more simple activities than some kids her age. But that doesn’t mean it’s wrong or that she’s behind. She seems like she is managing life skills just as she should at her age. Don’t stress about it.

She sounds like a wonderful imaginative child. How on earth would she benefit from moving from joyful creative play to watching telly? Or by eating food she doesn't like? ExH sounds like he's grovelling about looking for a way to upset you.