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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think women know the 'explanation' for why more young men than women live with parents

222 replies

Echobelly · 11/01/2025 10:15

Was reading this article, and had to laugh at the last line https://www.theguardian.com/society/2025/jan/11/hotel-of-mum-and-dad-in-uk-at-its-fullest-in-two-decades-study-finds - apparently 'Young men are more likely to live with their parents: 12% compared with 5% of women at the age of 34. Researchers could offer no explanation for this, although the gender differences also existed in other high-income countries.'

I think a lot of women could offer an explanation. 😜

OP posts:
Leafy74 · 11/01/2025 15:47

I agree with every word.
I just don't understand why women who clearly dislike men go on dating sites trying to find one.

daisydaughter · 11/01/2025 15:48

LOL I don’t suppose it could possibly have anything to do with men not enjoying doing their own cooking and cleaning, could it?! 🤔😂

Diswhy · 11/01/2025 15:50

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Don't be so ridiculous, absolutely laughable comment.

Diswhy · 11/01/2025 15:53

Many men, not all but many are essentially lazy and except to be babied and looked after by a woman their whole lives first my their mother and then by their wives and girlfriends. They think their only responsibility is to bring in a wage and many don't even bother to do that. They these same men wonder why women aren't interested in them or divorce them.

suburburban · 11/01/2025 15:56

Karou · 11/01/2025 10:37

I don’t think I could come up with an explanation. My adult DS lives at home but he also works very hard, does his own cooking and housework and generally pulls his weight. He lives at home because he can’t afford to buy a place and renting would be pointless when living at home and saving up to buy an home is an option.

Same with mine. He is the youngest and does not seem to be in a relationship

Both my dds left home after university

suburburban · 11/01/2025 15:58

I think he gets fed up,but he is away quite a lot with work so seems to work

User135644 · 11/01/2025 15:58

I think women just mature earlier.

Young men now are sedated by porn, cannabis and video games. In the past they'd have been sent off to war.

ssd · 11/01/2025 16:05

User135644 · 11/01/2025 15:58

I think women just mature earlier.

Young men now are sedated by porn, cannabis and video games. In the past they'd have been sent off to war.

The rubbishing of young men on this site is an absolute disgrace. If some of you have never met a decent man dont take your bitterness out on here.

BunnyLake · 11/01/2025 16:09

My 22 yr old son would prefer to live independently but its too expensive. If he pays a landlord rent he’ll never be able to save. He has a happy, comfortable life at home but that’s not the reason he lives here. If he could afford rent, bills, savings and running a car he’d jump at moving in to his own place now.

Snoken · 11/01/2025 16:09

JudesBiggestFan · 11/01/2025 12:08

This is just a horrible thread. As a mum of three sons, the misandry on mumsnet is becoming depressing. Presumably around 50 per cent of the parents on here have sons..do you live in expectation of them becoming rapists/sexual harassers/incompetent/cocklodgers? If not, what's the difference between your children and the men you consistently slate?

I mean there are some pretty robust statistics that would tell you that the amount of men rapists and sexual harrassers by far exceeds the amount of women rapists and sexual harrassers. Women are also statistically higher educated than men so are probably more competent. After centuries of living in a man's world it's nice that women can finally openly state these facts and we don't need to be called names because of it. I say this as a mother of a man and a woman.

JenniferBooth · 11/01/2025 16:10

Beekeepingmum · 11/01/2025 12:25

There are far more routes for women of that age to get social housing whereas virtually non for young men.

The one bedroom SH flat underneath me has had three different occupants since 1998. All males! DH and i are also in a one bedroom flat as a couple with no kids. Single men are more likely to get a ONE bedroom place than a single woman

MabelMora · 11/01/2025 16:19

VickyEadieofThigh · 11/01/2025 11:39

Exactly. I was in shared houses (I was a teacher in London) from age 23 to 28 - when I bought a one-bedroom flat in South Acton with my boyfriend.

Now private rents can be so high, even in shared housing, that it's difficult for tenants to save enough for a deposit for a property which would've cost them proportionally less 30 (for example) years ago.

It's hardly breaking news that wages haven't risen in line with rents and house prices.

Cornflakes44 · 11/01/2025 16:32

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Hat a lot of bollocks

Ohnonotmeagain · 11/01/2025 16:32

Diswhy · 11/01/2025 15:53

Many men, not all but many are essentially lazy and except to be babied and looked after by a woman their whole lives first my their mother and then by their wives and girlfriends. They think their only responsibility is to bring in a wage and many don't even bother to do that. They these same men wonder why women aren't interested in them or divorce them.

Edited

How many women facilitate the male responsibility to bring in a wage by giving up work or going PT as soon as children are on the scene?

then the kids grow up with that as their model- mums takes care of the house and kids while dad works.

maybe women should take in more of the financial responsibility so men have to step up on the domestic front.

Snoken · 11/01/2025 16:38

Ohnonotmeagain · 11/01/2025 16:32

How many women facilitate the male responsibility to bring in a wage by giving up work or going PT as soon as children are on the scene?

then the kids grow up with that as their model- mums takes care of the house and kids while dad works.

maybe women should take in more of the financial responsibility so men have to step up on the domestic front.

I think women are doing just that more and more but it's not going to be the case that all women can do that over night and unfortuntaely during the adjustment period women are working more and doing all of the domestic chores in many cases. If you compare to 40-50 years ago though women are earning more and more and men are picking up more and more of the domestic chores. Still not equal, but hopefully getting there.

MinorGodhead · 11/01/2025 16:41

Ohnonotmeagain · 11/01/2025 16:32

How many women facilitate the male responsibility to bring in a wage by giving up work or going PT as soon as children are on the scene?

then the kids grow up with that as their model- mums takes care of the house and kids while dad works.

maybe women should take in more of the financial responsibility so men have to step up on the domestic front.

Literally every woman I know works FT, or has almost always. Those who were SAHMs for more than a few months have done so because of illness, redundancy, being a trailing spouse, or a child with additional needs. On Mn, I agree, there’s a disproportionate number of women who say things like ‘Nigel is by far the higher earner, so naturally it was my career that fell by the wayside.’ When there’s nothing ‘natural’ about it.

I think there must also be a correlation between Mn women being longterm SAHMs, struggling socially, and the utter paranoia about affairs on here. Obviously infidelity is never fun for the spouse, but it’s far more high stakes if you’re economically inactive, deskilled, and have withdrawn into ‘my little family’.

coxesorangepippin · 11/01/2025 16:42

There are far more routes for women of that age to get social housing whereas virtually non for young men.

^

Is that what you've got?? That's the reason?

Social housing?

NordicwithTeen · 11/01/2025 16:42

Diomi · 11/01/2025 15:17

It could be because men can still have kids when they are older so don’t get into serious relationships until they are older. Based on UK statistics, on average men have children later than women. Maybe getting into a serious relationship is something that pushes people to move out.

Again we need to be teaching men that the older their sperm deteriorates, causing an increased likelihood of health and SEN issues with children. Women worry all the time about age when thinking about kids but I rarely see men told the consequences of kids past 35.

OonaStubbs · 11/01/2025 16:43

Women tend to live with men older than themselves.

Diswhy · 11/01/2025 16:47

Ohnonotmeagain · 11/01/2025 16:32

How many women facilitate the male responsibility to bring in a wage by giving up work or going PT as soon as children are on the scene?

then the kids grow up with that as their model- mums takes care of the house and kids while dad works.

maybe women should take in more of the financial responsibility so men have to step up on the domestic front.

Maybe more father should be concerned about modelling self sufficient behaviour for their sons. All you are doing is putting the blame back on women.

Waterweight · 11/01/2025 17:05

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This as well as the obvious= partners/siblings

I know alot of girls who wouldn't live on their own but wouldn't be short for help either room mate wise

But ultimately I think the reason more men live at home is because men are no longer "given" the better paying jobs as standard & are no longer able to afford housing on single incomes which has nothing too do with women anyway

SnackSnack · 11/01/2025 17:10

I think PP have nailed it where the adult male has moved back after a divorce and if they've never moved out they are treated like royalty so never feel the need.

I moved out at 18 into university halls and went home for the next four Christmasses and Summers until I found a graduate job and flat. Getting away from my parents was my only goal and I became a home owner at 25. They didn't even help then. I scraped my things into binliners, packed my car and off I went. Years later, after my divorce I had to live in an air b&b for 3 months until my new house completed. I asked my mother if I could perhaps use her washing machine to wash my and the DC clothes. She refused.

My brother meanwhile, never left home, dropped out of university, worked and kept all his money. They fed him, bought him clothes and shoes, kept him warm, helped him with his car. He repaid them by becoming a violent alcoholic and drug addict who used their car to deliver drugs, pushed my mother down the stairs and brought escort type women to the house. He still lives with my elderly parents, sans job, car or.driving licence. He does however have a criminal record, benefits and a voluntary job in the charity shop. According to my mother he is doing very well and she couldn't possibly kick him out.

To add, neither of us were taught life skills. We were not allowed the kitchen and had to eat the meal provided and nothing else. Neither were we allowed to use the washing machine. I know deodorant was bought for my brother when he became a teen but I had none until my student loan came through.

It's so sad. My brother has wasted his precious life, helped by my mother who wasn't willing to let him go.

Heidiiii · 11/01/2025 17:11

User135644 · 11/01/2025 15:58

I think women just mature earlier.

Young men now are sedated by porn, cannabis and video games. In the past they'd have been sent off to war.

Is this for real? 🙄🙄🙄

user23124 · 11/01/2025 17:17

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That's ridiculous

It's because men are less mature, obviously

JHound · 11/01/2025 18:25

I do wonder why that is especially given the gender earnings gap means that on average men have more income to spend on housing.

Maybe parents are just more likely to coddle their sons as compared to their daughters?