To think women know the 'explanation' for why more young men than women live with parents

[Echobelly]

Was reading this article, and had to laugh at the last line https://www.theguardian.com/society/2025/jan/11/hotel-of-mum-and-dad-in-uk-at-its-fullest-in-two-decades-study-finds - apparently 'Young men are more likely to live with their parents: 12% compared with 5% of women at the age of 34. Researchers could offer no explanation for this, although the gender differences also existed in other high-income countries.'

I think a lot of women could offer an explanation. 😜

I'm a woman, in my 20s, living at home.

I think it's demonised but a lot of people don't like to accept that wages are not high enough, prices are too high, and people just can't afford to move out.

A house share in my town is £750 a month. That would leave me with £600 left for bills, transport to work (which costs near on £200 a month), food, etc etc. I wouldn't be able to afford it.

A rental is £850 minimum. You need to earn 34 times the rent to rent it - that's £29,000 a year, and then you need a guarantor who earns £45,000 a year for most rentals in my location. That means I automatically can't rent - my parents don't earn anymore (retired), so they don't count. My siblings can't guarantee me because if I stopped paying my rent it would sink them and they have young kids.

What are we meant to do? Everything is so expensive. Mortgages are expensive, rent is expensive, food is expensive (the same food shop I used to do for £20-25 a week at M&S when I was at uni is now £45-50 from Aldi and Lidl.), I can't move away from my local area because I wouldn't be guaranteed to get a job.

I would love more than anything to have my own place. I feel like a failure for not having one. I put as much as I can per month into my house ISA, but every time I feel like I'm making progress I check prices and even a 1 bed flat now is £160,000 to £200,000 in my local area. I'd need £30,000 plus for a deposit because I don't earn enough to get that sort of mortgage.

Realistically the only way I'll buy is with my parents helping me out with a house deposit, which I can't imagine happening any time soon.

I think that it's very unfair to be so harsh on people living at home. It's not as easy as it used to be to buy a house.

Think that many women are more savvy with their money.

I did leave my parents aged 21 to complete my final year of studies at another university. Did 2 years at my local uni which they converted to a HND for me then studied at another uni 110 miles away to convert that to a BA(Hons). Met my ex there and moved in together after 11 weeks. Bought a flat 2 years after that with the deposit in my name. Ex signed something to say that the deposit is in my name. Split up 2.5 years after that. Moved back to my parents for 2.5 years. Flat was sold 5 months after it was put up for sale.

During those 2.5 years I was in employment for 2 years, I was made redundant at my last job I was with my ex. He didn't put money into our joint account for the last 3 months - which was used for bills. As he spent that money on weed. A combination of those two things, was the reason I split up with him. My ex moved in with his mum and SF, 3 miles away.

Myself and my parents went over to the flat do various things like redecorate, mow the lawn - when we live 100 miles away. Plus one of my DF's clients when he was working was only 5 miles away and after seeing them, he went to flat and checked it out etc. Ex did jackshit. On the completion of the sale of the flat, which was sold for 8.5% more than we paid for, I deducted the cost of fuel, paint, leccy used in that time etc off his money. I sent him the breakdown of the costs and said the rest of the money is his. Wished I bloody kept the money for myself.

In the time I was with my parents, I gave them board (only when working), use of my staff discount card (can do that if living with other people) and spent about £120 a month on phone, petrol and other things such as clothes, CDs. Rest was put into the savings account which had my deposit in. That money saved went onto deposit for my current home, purchase of bed, curtains, furniture, white goods. Parents paid for solicitor, hiring of van etc

After Uni?

This discussions is about dc in their 30s.

Twenty somethings working and saving for a deposit, is better than paying rent after uni and never getting the chance to buy imo.

And this is why so many of us feel like failures, and our mental health is so bad.

I work full time, I do everything by myself, I just happen to live at home. I can't afford to run a car, let alone a household.

Women move in with older boyfriends. A couple of years difference is enough to change the stats

More young men have special needs. Also more are unemployed.

Hardly something to laugh about!

I’d assume it’s because more women are entitled to social housing because of their children.

My sons have moved out and are independent, early 20s.

IME its the girls their age still at home, providing someone for their mother to speak to.

I would have thought that a significant factor would be that the average age gap in heterosexual couples is 3 years in the UK, with the older partner usually male. If your partner is 3 years older, they will likely be more financially secure and be earning more when the couple are in their twenties and starting out on careers. High rents, high CoL, high house prices mean more young people are choosing to live at home rather than in a house share to save up until they want to move in with their partner. Being the younger partner means that you are likely financially able to move out earlier to live with a partner.

Or in my brothers case woman who had an affair and changed the locks before moving her OM in while he was away for work, forcing him to move back to our parents.

women aren’t always left alone and destitute when they separate.

women with kids are more likely to be able to afford a home as the benefits system is (rightly) there for them. Men cannot claim those benefits so a home where they can see the children is often unaffordable.

the who left who and weight pulling is irrelevant to the affordability of a home. In fact it is sometimes the case where it’s more affordable for a woman to receive more money in CM so increasing access and reducing cm is not a good financial option.

Lol no. This isn’t even in the top 50 reasons why more women live independently than men. You are vastly overestimating the amount of women that have these lifestyles. It’s such a minuscule proportion of the population. Only people who are perpetually online or only consume a narrow range/certain range of media would think this is representative of the average woman. People need to get off the internet way more.

Haven't RTFT but I'd say it's because too many women are still infantilising their sons and exempting them (but not their daughters 😬) from learning how to cook and do chores. Sometimes this is at least partly deliberate imo, ie to keep them at home longer.

young women are more likely to move in with older male partners. A trawl through MN in a typical week shows multiple tales of men leaving their wives for younger women and multiple large age gap relationships - invariably younger woman+older man. Rarely is it the other way around.

A lot of young men live at home so they can have spare cash for only fans/porn hub/gaming.

Some of them, yes. But even where dads are heavily involved with their children, it’s mostly still their mother who has - and usually wants and fights to have - the children for the majority of the time and is therefore their main carer. Plus there are dozens of threads currently running on the Relationships board where a relationship is ending and OP is saying something along the lines of “I’ve asked DH to move out of the family home, it’s easy for him, he can go and stay in his mum’s spare room.”

Whereas all the young women are the ones making money off the young men from Onlyfans/pornhub/gaming. You’ve totally nailed the answer. Case closed.

Are you a man? Only a man could come up with an explanation so dumb.

Someone I know died in his 60s never having done his own washing. Mother did it until he got married - even when he was away at uni, she would come and get it - and then his wife took over.

I didn't really want to man bash, but I did find it funny that the researchers were saying they couldn't find any reason for it. TBF, I guess they mean any reason in terms of qualitative research, but on another level it was one of those 'Duh, you could ask a woman' things.

But yes, I think it is because (even if unconsciously) men are happier to sit back and have stuff done for them, and women are more likely to accept what will come with living away from home - still. We've not done as well as I'd like with 'gender equitable parenting' but DH does at least 100% more domestically than my dad ever did and the kids have grown up seeing that. I need to chivvy both of mine (teens) to do more around the house, but neither is undomesticated.

I think there could also be a degree of a sadder explanation that maybe young men are less likely to have close friends they'd like to move out with, or to be less confident about getting on with previously unknown people than women?

This is just a horrible thread. As a mum of three sons, the misandry on mumsnet is becoming depressing. Presumably around 50 per cent of the parents on here have sons..do you live in expectation of them becoming rapists/sexual harassers/incompetent/cocklodgers? If not, what's the difference between your children and the men you consistently slate?

Yes! When I was 17 - 28-ish I was always in house shares, and this wasn't in an expensive area, this was sharing a house initially with 7 others in a dodgy part of Newcastle - worked my way up to sharing with 4 friends in a less dodgy part of Newcastle!

It's funny how expectations have changed.

Or -

you g women are socialised to work hard and not take things for granted. Generally, girls and women have to justify their existence in ways boys and men don’t.

The world is organised around the lives and needs and wants of boys and men. And their parents - especially their mothers - are often complicit in this.

@Cerialkiller Typical symptoms of autism in men and women differ and often women can more effectively mimic

Effectively or are they conditioned to do so since they’re not as coddled? Men tend to be way more babied at home.

@Luminousalumnus at 40, men have much more dating value

Not sure I buy this, all I see is 40 something divorced men with child maintenance to pay and barely able to do their own laundry without their exes.

Well, I'm 37 with 3 young children and haven't lived with my mother for many years.

My 1 year older brother still lives with my mother.

He's rude to her, shouts at her and expects her to cook for him even when she's ill.

He's also a programmer and on a good salary.

He has large savings so he could buy or rent.

When I suggest to my mother she should kick him out, she's looking at me like I'm the meanest and cruelest bully alive.