I realised too late I don’t like parenting

[ThatCleverFawn]

I’m sure I’ll be judged to beyond but gearing up the enthusiasm to do yet another day of it is destroying me.

My advice would be to get them dressed before going downstairs and to get out of the house asap with them - they come home tired and more settled while you potter and feel glad you got out in the fresh air.

Always worked for me when I did it this way.

It can be lonely and boring at times but always pockets of joy. Take care

Swimmings not cheap, and at my local pool two adults are required to take two kids that age, at a cost of approx £7-8 each.

I spent thousands on nursery. Then they went to school, it was easier by then.

It does get easier OP and you aren't alone in this feeling!

I was the first one of my friends to be a mum and I absolutely love it (I have 4, if i was able to id have had 4 more 😂) but I also think my brutal honesty is reason lots of my pals chose to be child free.
I think parents aren't honest enough, being a patent is having no room to have selfish little joys such as choosing how you spend Saturdays, if you get joy from shopping, brunches, dinner out nice places and generally living a life you can do as you please, then I'd implore anyone to consider that you're not just giving up your freedom to do so, you're trading it for soft play, baby groups, you're swapping wonderful restaurants for the hungry horse, beach days aren't relaxing, you're constantly watching your children in the sea etc
Even holidays are focused around your children.
I know people say kids can fit around them but for me I've never managed that, I've had to mould myself around them.
Of course we love our dc and lots of people wouldn't change them, but there are so many parents who don't enjoy parenting. I think we should all be more honest. I don't know why we expect people who aren't sure if they want dc to to suddenly change when they're here. Many do, we see that, but many don't. But even those ones, when they're not in the trenches go on to enjoy parenting older children and find joy in later stages x

Hang in there. Parenting young children is relentless and not 'fun' even if you love them to bits. I found solace in going to activity groups and meeting other parents. CBeebies. When they were old enough, soft play and I'd keep earbuds in listening to nice music.

To be fair that is pretty cheap.

Not all pools require one adult per child. My local pool is one adult per two children under 8.

It's only very recently parenting has been presented as some kind of lifestyle choice, like a hobby which includes certain specific activities.

The demands on modern mothers are far greater than any previous generation.

All that was previously demanded was just not neglecting them.

Feed them, clothe them, bathe them, bed them, send them to school. That was it.

So don't berate yourself for rejecting the commercially pushed idea of 'ideal' parenting.

It's been done for 20 years and has resulted in a generation of young people with poor mental & physical health who lack most basic independent living skills.

Stick to the basics & don't sweat the small stuff.

I think it all wildly depends.

With my oldest I struggled most in the baby stage, he became so easy around 2-3+ and we where friends going out on day trips together etc... at around 8 started to develop a slight attitude where he didn't want to hang out with mam anymore. Hes a teen and apart from responding to questions in grunts hes no bother at all really. keeps to him self (will literally just chill alone), quite, does well in school.

My middle child I loved the baby stage, we where out doing family things all the time and he was the perfect happy/cheeky baby. I thought he is so perfect and easy I should have another, in fact hes so easy I could have a dozen just like him I though. As soon as my youngest was born a light switch flicked in my middle. Hes now constant hard work who always demands to be the center of all the attention (people keep saying middle child syndrome but really since day 1 at just 2 year old? because its been since the day we got home from hospital). Its so utterly draining and hardwork. He is the reason we can't go anywhere or do nice things anymore.

My youngest is 3 now and my best friend, she no bother at all. We do everything together and shes just so chilled for me (not for DH though), she will curl up in a ball on my lap and we will just sit and read together etc.. for hours. No bother in the slightest.

Things that people say are so much fun with pre-school kids but really aren't, in my experience:

• Beach walks
• Crafts
• Baking/cooking
• Gardening/growing flowers from seeds etc
• 'Science' experiments

Things that are fun, again in my own experience:

• Cuddles
• Short forest walks
• Library groups, coffee mornings etc (ok not 'fun' but not unbearable)

Somewhere in the middle:

• Visiting other friends with kids
• Soft play
• Zoo
• Play parks

Swimming was a nightmare at times but god it was a lifesaver for me.... there was a creche at the pool so I'd swim the kids, put them in the creche, have a swim myself for an hour and a half (unless I got pulled out because one wouldn't settle) then feed them and have a coffee, and go home where they would both sleep well.

I remember seeing a mum one evening take her kids swimming, then off to the change room, they all returned in their pjs and dressing gowns, and she served them spaghetti in tupperware and I imagine brushed their teeth back in the change room then drove them to sleep on the way home... brilliant.

I can't really go back to that leisure centre now though, it's too triggering!

Can I just say that IKEA offers a free service to watch your kids while you shop, they have a soft play and toys etc. Peace for an hour while you sip on free mid-week coffee.

@Sasskitty

Genuine question. Why does anyone have more than 1 child, if they’ve realised parenting isn’t for them?

Because it’s the temporary sacrifice you make to put another person round the table and complete your family. If you envision a slightly bigger family that is.

We once took ours (2 year age gap) camping for a few weeks in France and did lots of activities. Before the end of the preschool and school holidays on a day out they found a boulder. Climbing up and jumping down from it was far more fun than their time in France. They spent all afternoon doing this.
The simplest things give solutions. Now we have lots of throws and save cardboard boxes for our DGC to make dens.
Grab a throw, box or a DGP.
On a serious note, at this age the days are very long but the years short. Lack of sleep is a killer. You’ll get through it. x

There is light at the end of the tunnel, and it does get easier. I know it's hard to see that at the moment, but any parent will tell you the same. The baby/toddler/pre-school age is hard! Once they start school, life becomes easier.

Completely get your point. I had 6 months living with a small child and her father in my early twenties. That was more than enough for me. Happy to leave it to those who really want to do it, and stick to cats

It's different for everyone. Admittedly we are still in the first stages of teen years here but I love this age at the moment!

1 and 4 is really hard OP. we all think it'll be different for us, and we don't realise the sheer drudgery!

I remember when mine were 2 and 4 and my younger sister commented that they were at 'lovely ages'. They were both lovely and very cute, and not particularly hard work, but it's very physical and relentless at that stage. I've always known I'm someone that prefers mental work to physical work - I'm not very practical for a start! From 10/11 up, it's hard work in an emotional and mental way, but not in a physical sense, and that suited me much better. Despite the emotional ups and downs of having teenagers, I much preferred that period - mine are 18 and 20 now and I'm also really really enjoying having adult children! So hang on in there.....

It is bloody hard work!! But I don’t know what I’d do without them either, yes I’d be well rested 😂 but I’d watch way too much tv! Seriously though it does get so much easier once they’re at school and some of my best memories now are from our trips out and holidays together. Hold on and get as much help as you can! I can’t believe anyone can enjoy parenting all the time.

You deserve a day to yourself every so often. If that can be arranged, do so! You'll feel better for it and it will be something to look forward to. I would have loved that, probably spent the day in bed some days but so what.

Parenting young children is very draining for even the most enthusiastic parent, nothing to feel guilty about and nobody should judge you. Not everyone admits it. That's the beauty of an anonymous forum such as this, we can let it all out and nobody is going to gossip.

I know this will be said to you a lot but it will pass, honestly. Once you're back at work, even part-time, you'll feel better too but your youngest is still a baby.

See what you can do about having a day off - a full day - once a week. In the meantime do look after yourself, your general health is very important. Eat well, healthily, and take a little exercise other than running around after the children. Dance to a video or something like that, it does help.

Many of us have been where you are now and we have survived.

Good luck.

I don’t think life is easier with one child. I had two close together then a big gap before my 3rd. The 3rd has no siblings close in age so needs more from me, eg I have to play games, chat about toys, play with toys, etc, whereas if he had a sibling close in age, like my older two, I’d have more time for me.

Stick with it. The toddler years can be hard work, but after that you’ll find things are easier. I also think you’ll appreciate having two children for the reasons I’ve given above.

Yes it's very draining, especially when you're juggling other things like work, house, etc.

It's honestly one of the main reasons I have an only child.

This ⬆️

Well yes an only child can be a bit needier when it comes to independent play, etc, however it's not just that. You also don't have a whole other child to get ready on a morning, feed and bath, regardless of age difference.

Just because you envision something doesn't mean you have to do it.

Hang in there. Your in a tough spot with not sleeping and two under 5. I call it the trenches. Relentless and exhausting. It's really does get better when they start school