I realised too late I don’t like parenting

[ThatCleverFawn]

I’m sure I’ll be judged to beyond but gearing up the enthusiasm to do yet another day of it is destroying me.

I am not sure if your single parent but have you any relatives that would have them for a bit for you to give you a break.

It is so very hard, I get it.

This is why home start was so needed in my area but it got chopped :(

5 and almost 3 here. I completely lost myself for years. I’ve only just started to find myself again. I now run 3 times a week and I’d forgotten how amazing being alone is. I take a book to the cheap soft play once a week and enjoy reading with a cuppa for an hour. And they are now just old enough for me to enjoy doing things with them. Planning on teaching the oldest how to climb this year now he’s allowed on the climbing wall, and the trampoline place does a toddler and parent session I actively enjoy with the 3 year old. But my god it was a slog to get here.

Someone once said to me that one is one, but two is twenty. There's a lot of truth in that!

One magical day though they'll be happily playing together while you get on with something and you realise that having two is actually making your life easier at that moment in time. And watching their relationship develop is genuinely lovely when they're not squabbling.

I think things will get easier when the weather improves being stuck in the house with small children does suck.

I have a 4 and 1 year old too and a lot of it is really hard. I struggle particularly with being on my own with them for the two days in a row during the week I am not working. I much prefer it on the weekends when my partner is home.
I think age 1-2.5 is harder in some ways than the baby stage because they’re more mobile but completely unable to judge danger. The three year age gap between them is tricky because it feels huge at the moment and I feel bad for my 4 year old who is brilliant on her own but feels quite noisy and demanding when I’m also attending to the little one.
My partner sleep trained the baby last week and that has helped with my stamina.

I do think one is much easier than two - that's why I only had one! But they're both young at the moment. Once they're 4 and 7 things should be easier. Or differently hard at least!

Both my parents made it pretty clear all my childhood that they hated parenting. Especially my father, as he'd never wanted to be a parent in the first place.

So I knew from about age 9 children were not in my future. Now 56 and I've never changed my mind. Must be pretty devastating to want children, have them and then realise you don't like the whole experience. I don't feel 'smug' about my early realisation that it wasn't for me, just imagine that disliking being a parent must be far more common than is reported.

I think I am a good parent. My children are adult now but the truth is I didn't like parenting either when they were young. I’d hear and read about parents saying how they wanted the child stage to last forever while I was wishing the years away until they were grown. They were great kids overall and i love them dearly and was a very good mum raising them but I didn't ‘enjoy’ it as such, it was one relentless day after another and doing it all by myself. Once they started school it got a whole lot better as it wasn’t 24/7 parenting.

Because as much as I hate my work it is unusually accommodating insofar as hours are concerned: I probably wouldn’t get the same amount of flexibility anywhere else.

It is hard at this age. I have a 11 and 4 year old. It does get easier the more they age.
I've also often said that if we had a crystal ball, there would be less folk having children; less having them with their chosen 'baby daddies,' and more staying single.

No judgement from me OP. Ages are crap. Kids are often hard word and boring at these ages, and if work isn’t satisfying then thats worse for you.
do you have a partner? Parenting should not be all on you if so.

those are tough ages. Pre children I thought younger dc were better because they were cuter… with dc I much prefer older dc - from about 6 onwards. Mine are teens and life is easier in many ways as I have time to do me things (although not the energy if I’m honest).

Go out and do something. You’ll feel better for getting out, even if it’s a cold run around the park.

I honestly think a lot of people simply give into societal pressure and at the end of the day, I would also guess our instinct also kicks in and we don’t keep it in check.

I 100% do not want any more children and even I find myself often wondering about it. I was heartbroken to learn it’s unlikely I’d have any now in my 30s and I felt a little crazy considering I don’t even want any more to begin with.

I like babies, otherwise having dc is just hard work and financially crippling.
Having dgc is much nicer.

Or a lot of wine

Is their father around?

This was it for me too. And I had a relatively small age gap because I knew once I got one through the baby and toddler stage I wouldn't want to go back. We knew it would be a tough few years, and we were right, but it was worth it.

And my eldest slept through for about a week and I got notions.

You need to always be looking, don't quit before you've started. If somewhere really wants you they'll compromise. Don't be the one doing the compromising. You could very well end up with a job you like more that pays more and is just as flexible, it's not out of the realms of possibility.

It’ll get better OP. Mine are nearly adults now and I’d happily never interact with a child under 7 again!
I found little kids total drudgery, and we had money for hiring the village - cleaner/childcare etc.
Ive found the teenage years a breeze - everyone can put their own damn shoes on for a start!

My kid is 10 weeks old and I already feel like this, so you’re not alone! She takes forever to get to sleep at night, so we’re up until at least 1am, or worst case scenario 3am, most nights. My battery is properly empty, and I am really in the trenches. I fully sympathise with you. It’s such a hard thing to do, raising kids. Social media doesn’t help, when these so called “Mummy Influencers” have babies that “sleep through the night”, and their houses don’t look like a bomb just hit it. Sending you lots of love.

Hang on in there OP it will get better.

People always used to comment to me how great I was for always being out with my kids and taking them to lots of groups. I can’t take much credit for it as it was for me as much as them and really saved my sanity; meeting people, talking about other things, being in the same boat, knowing that there were other collective eyes and ears on the kids. My advice is only to get out as much as possible, bonus also is then that they’re stimulated and entertained and tired! Get a slow cooker, Chuck stuff in it, take them out, come back and serve them up food from said slow cooker. Remove some of the drudgery and I think you will find more moments of genuine enjoyment.

Someone said “take them swimming, it’ll tire them out” upthread. Couldn’t think of anything worse. The screaming and whooping with the acoustics that feels like it is inside your head. The constant need to be on high alert to stop 2 young children who can’t yet swim from drowning. Dealing with getting everyone changed twice, dried, swim nappies, bags, so much stuff. The inevitable whining and blue lipped teeth chattering, while trying not to step on 2 children when changing in a cubicle the size of a phone box. And that’s if no one slips and falls. Having one pair of hands when you need three. <shudder>

OP, it gets so much easier but these days are tough.

Me too. You’re not alone.