Friends cancelled 30 mins before we were due to set off

[Monicageller221]

Had plans for last night that had been made since November. DP and I were meant to be travelling to our friends house, having a meal at a restaurant and then going back to theirs for some drinks.

It is a 45 minute drive away and they invited us to stay over so that we didn’t have to be spending money on a taxi back. The meal was already booked, and we had bought some alcohol to take with us for the evening and they also bought a bit, plus snacks.

We got all ready, bags were packed, hair done, make up done, outfit on. My sister had just arrived as she was staying at mine to look after the cats so I was downstairs having a conversation with her when DP shouted down “they’ve cancelled it!” Basically they had an argument due to the house not being tidy and one of them got into “a mood” and cancelled the whole thing. I told DP to just give it 30 mins until it’s time to leave and they might have calmed down by then. However they never picked up the phone again.

Part of me is really annoyed at this, I would never let someone down like this. Especially over the reason that they did! However another part of me is thinking maybe the messy house thing isn’t true and something else has gone on more serious? DP is really annoyed by it and thinks it was selfish to cancel so short notice without a good reason.

What would you think if this happened to you, would you be annoyed? Or this a this an ok thing to do to people?

@Ummmmmmmmmmmmmm & @frostygrasstwinkling Why the absolute flippity fuck are you cross-examining OP?!?! It bears no relevance whatsoever why she took half a sodding day off her own job in order to get ready! Who gives a flying toss whether it only takes you 15 mins to get ready - you are not OP!!! JFC this forum gets worse & worse. Hyper-analysing every other aspect of an OP when the thread was posted to ask about one aspect!

Really, really odd behaviour. Weird

Mumsnet at it's batshit crazy best 😂😂

Even less relevant is the mention of London. Maybe thinks the rest of the country get pie & peas at the top of their road.

I too would take half a day off, rather than rushing home from work with minutes to spare. OP had her sister's room to get ready too.

Early booking though, had it been 8pm it might have been calmer their end.
When dinner parties were rife, I've knocked the door and immediately realised there had been a row, more than once. Always fine once food was served.

I'd believe their reason, better than feigning illness. They did have an hour to shove stuff in cupboards and put clean sheets on the bed.
Or maybe they thought OP and her DP were going to be like Four in a Bed and lift the mattress looking for fluff..

Well this thread has taken some interesting turns….🤪

of course you’re not wrong to feel fed up OP because you can only go on the explanation given (as opposed to the ‘yehbutwhatif???’ guesses suggested)

Whatever their reasoning, you now know they are liable to cancel things at short notice, as well as always being late anyway.

I wouldn't be bothering to arrange stuff with them anymore, unless it involved no effort on my part. Drinks near my house - great. Dinner near theirs? No.

Yes you are absolutely right, the girlfriend could be the one to blame here.

The fact there is no information other than having a row, the OP and her partner should obviously take it at face value and be grateful they were saved from what would have been an awkward evening. Writing off the friendship though, as others have suggested, seems a bit extreme when this is the first time they have cancelled last minute.

Yeah, that must be it. Only explanation. It all seems so obvious when you explain it like that with absolutely fuck-all to go on.

Omg OP wanted an afternoon off so she took it, you really are starting the most pointless argument 🤣 just leave it now!

This is not ok. And when you get the chance, tell her so, properly. All the arrangements you'd made. But actually they should already know all that. So just let the friendship go, gently.

We would not be friends. It is 'allowed' but it is unacceptable.

Yes, there may be bigger issues in their relationship, but they should sort them out before messing up other people's lives - i'm saying this based on the information given to the OP - ie that they had an argument due to the state of the house.

OP is concerned that she took AL for this. I made the point that I could have worked till the end of the day and still been ready.
DH’s friend referred to his gf as being in a
mood and we know she felt the house wasn’t sufficiently tidy for guests. He doesn’t acknowledge this which is revealing. An aired and warm spare bedroom, fresh bedding, guest towels and toiletries, a spotless bathroom, something nice for breakfast as well as having a neat home takes longer than getting yourself ready, surely.

I think it is annoying. Either it was a big argument or they are inconsiderate. I'd be less annoyed if they've never done this before.

People are weird on here. OP normally finishes work at 5.30, would have to leave by 5.45 to get there. Am sure it would take 99.9% of people longer than 15 mins to travel home from work and get ready-even if you only changed onto a dress and nothing else. Also it’s OPs AL to do what she wants with it. It doesn’t take me long to get ready to go out but as I don’t get to go out often, I like to put a bit of effort in!

When I was younger I used to get like this before people came over (house had to be spot on) and it caused arguments with my husband at times so I can see how this happened. It probably is genuine. I also can see what a massive disappointment it must’ve been to you. Shame they couldn’t sort it out for the sake of the evening. Sad isn’t it? You could’ve all had a nice evening. I'd be annoyed but I’d let it go.

It’s one bloody dinner. If someone cancelling a meal out with you once messes up your life then you need to get a grip.

For god’s sake, stop swearing and take a walk or something.

OP has started a thread about her friend cancelling plans, and whether her annoyance is justified.

She took half a day off to accommodate these plans - which is DIRECTLY RELEVANT to why she might be more annoyed than your average person at the cancellation.

Why do so many people on this forum struggle with logic?

Invite them to yours when your house is a mess so they know it’s ok to have a less than perfect home when it comes to friends. Personally, I always feel more comfortable if I know a friend hasn’t tidied for me. I feel I haven’t put them out in any way.

I agree. You could still go out for the evening and not have to stay over at someone else's house, it didn't cost you anything.

Stuff happens, get over it. It's not a big deal in the scheme of things and for what it's worth, your friends will feel worse about it all than you. Be nice.

We had friends do this just before we set off for a weekend away, them coming from the south, us the north, to meet in the middle.

We put it down to a tiff. Reader, they are now divorced. Never found out the reason for the argument but apparently it was the final nail in the coffin.

My XH and I were in the middle of our worst period and we buckled up and didn't let our friends down for a planned event. It was horrible to pretend everything was fine and I felt like I was dying.

Why does it matter that OP took time off work?

I'd be annoyed and probably not make plans very soon again.

I’m out, I give up but I’m grateful for the understanding of @Ummmmmmmmmmmmmm.

You had a pet sitter for one night out? 🤔

You don’t come across at all well on this thread OP.

You don't know what the partner didn't do. Maybe he hadn't washed the laundry in order to use fresh bedding and towels in the spare room. Maybe the ensuite loo had his shit in it and shaving paraphernalia and bits of stubble all over.

The partner saying "messy" doesn't really give anything away except most likely downplaying it, as men who are lazy & crap often do.