Friends cancelled 30 mins before we were due to set off

[Monicageller221]

Had plans for last night that had been made since November. DP and I were meant to be travelling to our friends house, having a meal at a restaurant and then going back to theirs for some drinks.

It is a 45 minute drive away and they invited us to stay over so that we didn’t have to be spending money on a taxi back. The meal was already booked, and we had bought some alcohol to take with us for the evening and they also bought a bit, plus snacks.

We got all ready, bags were packed, hair done, make up done, outfit on. My sister had just arrived as she was staying at mine to look after the cats so I was downstairs having a conversation with her when DP shouted down “they’ve cancelled it!” Basically they had an argument due to the house not being tidy and one of them got into “a mood” and cancelled the whole thing. I told DP to just give it 30 mins until it’s time to leave and they might have calmed down by then. However they never picked up the phone again.

Part of me is really annoyed at this, I would never let someone down like this. Especially over the reason that they did! However another part of me is thinking maybe the messy house thing isn’t true and something else has gone on more serious? DP is really annoyed by it and thinks it was selfish to cancel so short notice without a good reason.

What would you think if this happened to you, would you be annoyed? Or this a this an ok thing to do to people?

Is it frustrating? Absolutely. Disappointing? Of course. But if there’s a bigger issue at play then that’s between them. It’s better that you don’t go and there be an atmosphere. My mums BF and husband had a huge row before they were coming to celebrate my mums 60th birthday. Mum was more concerned about her friend than being let down last minute. Life happens sometimes. Check in on your friend.

I would read more into it, wait and be prepared to lend a shoulder.
A tidy house might not seem much of an excuse but there could be more to this. I had an oaf of an XH, thoughtless and careless, let my neighbours and DS be so disrespectful, rarely interested in what I had to say. From being fairly mild mannered I lost my sh1t completely one day after he said something to belittle me again and threw him out.
Other people have experienced being stood up for a 'better offer' from richer friends which is a complete BS excuse. I couldn't vote but my advice is similar to other on here, don't waste the opportunity to go out with your DH and wait to lend a supportive shoulder if needed.

I’d be more concerned for them thinking it must have been a proper blow up to cancel. Wouldn’t have been annoyed at all. These things happen.

If they were real friends you would forgive them. If they weren't it doesn't matter.

I'd assume the argument was about something else, 2 adults with no kids can't really have a messy enough house to not just sort it out in an hour.

It’s really unfortunate but thinking of the unpredictability of my ex-to-be and how he could even create an argument with himself, I would be understanding of the situation and think shame, but let’s go out anyway. I wouldn’t want to be there and stay over if there was tension. There are worse things to be let down about.

My husband and I have had to do this a few times over the last year or two- cancelled nights in all their forms. It's always because of a terrible argument as a symptom of our disintegrating relationship. As we move towards divorce (no one knows yet) he even almost didn't come to a funeral of a close friend yesterday because he felt so ashamed of his behaviour which had caused an argument.

It's been hell and I would hope that if I used an argument as a reason for a cancellation it would be painfully clear the argument must be absolutely awful to warrant the cancellation. It's a massive red flag for their relationship.

Shit happens?

to be quite honest, I don’t know why they didn’t just say one of them was suddenly unwell. So it seems the argument thing would be truthful.
The lady isn’t you, maybe she feels uncomfortable with people seeing an untidy home. You might not, but she’s allowed to feel differently.

If they have had a argument I would unfortunately them cancelling but yes it was very short notice and that would have annoyed me to be honest without a doubt however I would have still gone out with my dh and not let it have ruined my evening

This. We were about to drive 2 hours to London to a college friends wedding( me, DH , child aged 3 and another aged 2) when my husband decided to announce that he'd been having an affair with a 17 year old from work and was leaving us. You just never know the shit other people are putting up with

I did something similar once. I still wince when I think about it but in my defence it was probably in the top three worst arguments we have had in nearly 40 years of marriage. if we had carried on with our prior engagement it would have been unbearable for us and our companions.

I think they need new friends more like......imagine if they had carried on and toughed it out. The atmosphere would have been pants, no-one would have enjoyed themselves and the night would have been a washout. Stuff happens. It's life

It sounds like there is more to it. Maybe your friends will disclose what happened later on in the future. Sorry they cancelled on you.

You do realise that people can take leave for any reason they want to??

What a weird thing to pick the OP up on!!

I’m with you on this……irrelevant of AL, how long it takes any fucker to get ready, messy house whatfuckingever…..this had been arranged for months. I certainly wouldn’t bother again. I’m pleased you still went out and had a nice evening x

Stuff happens, and adults step up.

The other couple should have toughed it out and resumed their argument later. They are ungracious, inconsiderate clods for canceling a long-held social arrangement.

People chastising the OP for taking annual leave sound bonkers. Of course it takes more than 15 minutes to get ready for a night out and away. Doesn't everyone shower and wash their hair and put on clean clothing and scent and jewelry etc. before a big night out???

I would be an understanding friend and put myself in their shoes. If you had just had a huge arguement would you be in the mood to go out? Because I certainly wouldn’t! I would have just gone out with my husband and had a lovely evening! Make the most of the pet sitter and a nice outfit.

it would’nt bother me atall… I’d just be glad of a free evening … so yes YABU

Jesus wept. Only on Mumsnet do you need to justify why you took AL, why it takes you more than 15 mins to get ready, why why why...
Some people on here are absolutely bloody batshit! 😂

I'd rather be cancelled on than have to spend the evening in a bad atmosphere!

I’d have been delighted they did cancel if the air between them was bad!

It would have been an excruciating atmosphere. Be glad you weren’t exposed to it.

I admire their honesty I expect it was a really bad argument. It’s up to you whether you give them a break or not.

It isn't unreasonable to be annoyed, but unless they have a bad track record on last minute cancellations I think I'd be more worried about them than annoyed. Are you particularly close to them?

An argument that started about the state of the house could have spiraled into a horrendous, very upsetting argument. That’s not an insignificant reason. These are your friends are they normally rude?

Dh and I once had a mahoosive row over something very minor and ended up cancelling a trip to visit his family (and we were meant to be driving his parents).

The reality was, we were both exhausted - we were moving in to our first house and had spent weeks spending every moment we weren't working or sleeping getting it ready. Early mornings, late nights, all weekend.
So what was on the face of it a very minor issue caused us to have the biggest row I think we've ever had. We probably almost broke up over it!